


Tell Me We Were Stupid

by idratherhaveyou



Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Angst, Did I mention I'm sorry, Eventual Smut, Happy Ending, I'm so sorry, Jord and Laurent are bffs, Kastor redemption arc, M/M, Past Abuse, Post-Break Up, Slow Burn, Why Did I Write This?, auguste is in fact still dead, lots and lots of angst, nephew!Nicaise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-09-28 05:33:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 80,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10074419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idratherhaveyou/pseuds/idratherhaveyou
Summary: It's been two years since Damen and Laurent broke up after a series of stupid mistakes and miscommunications.  Everything changes at Jord and Nikandros' wedding when Damen gets drunker than normal, reveals some things, and leaves Laurent with questions.Includes fights, pining, forgiveness, and lots and lots of love.  We just kind of have to work for it first.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I've been really crazy excited about this fic which is why it's going up as I post the last chapter of my latest one.  
> I'm not going to lie. It is going to be filled with angst and it might get kind of brutal and I literally have no reason for why I'm writing this except that it came into my head and I had to.  
> I hope someone likes it. I really, really do. That's got to count for something.  
> And it will end so happy. And, yes, Damen and Laurent will find a way back to each other. Promise.  
> Anywayyyy...for anyone who enjoys being in pain as much as I do, enjoy! <3
> 
> P.S. Hi anyone new! You can find me @itsthegameilike if you want to ask questions or talk CP or whatever  
> P.P.S. Most of the chapters are not this long. This one is anomaly. Though, they are relatively long. And I'm rambling again.

“Dude, you didn’t RSVP to the wedding,” Nikandros said over the phone.

“I’m your best man,” Damen replied, flipping through channels on the muted TV.“I didn’t think I had to.”

“Okay, yes, fair point, but Jord and I do need to know if you’re bringing anyone.Please, god, tell me you’re bringing someone.”

“Wasn’t planning on it.”

“There’s not a single goddamn person on the planet you would consider?Because if there’s even one, bring them.”

“Why?” Damen asked.

There was a long silence and then Nikandros sighed.Damen knew that sigh.Cursing, he sat up and ran a hand through his hair.“Laurent’s coming,” he said, not even bothering to phrase it as a question.

“He and Jord are friends.”

“Right, yeah, of course.”

“He’s bringing someone.”

“Of course he is,” Damen said absentmindedly, trying not to break into hysterical laughter.Anything to hurt Damen.That was his new favorite thing to do, after all.For the past two years, whenever they found themselves at the same event, Laurent brought a date and took great pains to either ignore Damen or pretend what they’d had for a little less than six months was simply a small blip in his life.Maybe it had been.But it sure as hell hadn’t been for Damen.

“It’s just kind of pathetic.I hate seeing him rub your nose in it.Why can’t you fight back and throw some of your own punches?”

“You know why.”

“You’ve never been the type to roll over.Why can’t you…”

“Because it’s him,” Damen interrupted.

“Do I need to remind you how long it’s been?” Nikandros asked.

“No,” Damen groaned.“You know perfectly well I’ve tried, Nik.”

“You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

“Say what?”

“Bring her.”

“No.I can’t bring Jokaste.I can’t.Laurent will literally try and murder me.Is that what you want?For your wedding to be the scene of a homicide?Because that is what you will get if I bring Jokaste.”

“Good.The more adventure, the better.”

“Nik…”

“Call her.Or I will.”

“She’s like a quarter of the reason we broke up.I don’t want to hurt him.”

“Why?” Nikandros practically shouted, making Damen flinch.“All he does is hurt you.That is literally all he does, Damen.It’s awful and he really shouldn’t be able to get away with it.”

“You hurt him, then.”

“You’re the only one who really can.We both know that.”

“That lies under the assumption that he still cares about me at all.”

Nikandros groaned.“Okay, I did not call to talk to you about this.I don’t give a shit what you do or don’t do about Laurent, but bring Jokaste.”

“Didn’t you invite her?”

“Course, but she doesn’t have a date either.”

“Fine,” Damen sighed.“But if I die, it’s your fault.I expect a moving elegy.”

“You got it.”

Hanging up the phone, Damen closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the couch cushion, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart.It was always like this when he found out Laurent was going to be in the same place as he was for any period of time.He knew that up until the wedding, he would be in a constant state of worry and stress.For the most part, nothing ever happened anyway, but Damen always imagined that something would.Sometimes, his imagination left him with images of wringing Laurent’s neck and sometimes it left him with images of them making out against a wall.Both were terrifying and unacceptable in their own way.

But the worst part about this feeling was how it always reminded Damen just how hung up on Laurent he still was.It wasn’t like he sat around the house and moped, but he’d tried dating and nothing had stuck.There was one girl, for three months, who’d held his attention, but when he’d tried to imagine any sort of future with her, all he’d been able to think about was Laurent and how much he still loved him and how unfair it was for everyone involved.

Deciding that action was better than this, Damen dialed Jokaste’s number.The wedding was in two days, after all, and even though he suspected either Jord or Nikandros had already talked to her about it, he didn’t want to ask and discover she already had someone to attend with.Because even though it would make Laurent angry, she was good company and he would need good company.No matter whose wedding, they always tended to remind Damen that his life wasn’t on the road he’d always intended it to be on.He was turning twenty-nine in a month, he was running his father’s company, and he was nowhere close to achieving the family he wanted.

“Damen,” Jokaste said, abruptly pulling him from his thoughts.

“Hi.How are you?”

“Better than you, by the sounds of it.”

“Laurent’s attending the wedding.”

“I’ve heard.I’ve also heard I’m going with you.”

“That would be great,” Damen sighed.

“You know I will.On one condition.”

“No.You can’t get into it with Laurent.”

“Please,” she whined.“He’s fucked you up beyond belief.I’m tired of watching him show up at parties and treating you like a bug on the ground.He was in love with you, for fuck’s sake.He must know it’s the last thing you deserve.”

“We’ve been over this,” Damen said.“And everyone needs to remember that Laurent is my problem and my problem alone.Besides,” Damen murmured, “I deserve everything he’s done to me.”

“You never did tell me what happened.”

“I don’t like talking about it.Or thinking about it, for that matter.”

“Well, I don’t care what happened.Nothing I can feasibly see you doing would deserve the abominable way he’s treated you for the past two years.Can I at least call him an asshat and pour my drink over his head?”

Sighing, Damen didn’t grace that with a response.“I’ll pick you up at four,” he said instead and then hung up.Once upon a time, Laurent and Jokaste had been friends.He hadn’t meant to fuck that up.

There was one last thing he had to do before he could spend the rest of the day at the gym in an attempt to distract himself.This time, he texted, knowing Nicaise wouldn’t take a phone call.

_D: Please let him know I’m bringing Jokaste.However you can_

_N: Sure.I’ll just subtly drop that into conversation_

_D: I just think he should be prepared_

_N: Yeah yeah.I’ll figure something out_

_D: Busy?_

_N: Not really_

_D: Wanna come over tonight and play video games or something?_

_N: Yeah sure.Eight?_

_D: Sure_

Setting his phone down, Damen got up from the couch, wandered down the long hall towards the foyer and then walked up the stairs to his room.For years, he’d been thinking about selling the place.It was huge and he was all alone.He certainly didn’t need all this space.But it was hard, giving up his parent’s place, and if he made that big of a change, he would make an even bigger one and leave Oregon altogether.But that was hard to do, leaving his friends…leaving Laurent.

He knew how ridiculous it sounded, but they saw each other often enough that Damen hoped someday it would all turn around, that an opportunity would arise, and they’d be able to talk civilly, hash out everything they’d done wrong, and repair the damage.

What was wrong with him?

Grabbing a pair of shorts from his closet, he flung his sweatpants on the floor, and put them on.Taking two socks that didn’t match from the drawer, he pulled them on, followed by a pair of shoes, which he double-knotted.

Then, thankfully, he was out of the house and jogging towards the gym housed at the local tennis center.He didn’t even play tennis, but it was the closest place and the fees weren’t too exorbitant.Thoughts of Laurent flowed out of his body with each slap of his feet on the pavement and eventually, the only thing that mattered was controlling the pace of his breathing.

 

After a long shower, dinner, and an episode of _Peaky Blinders_ , Nicaise showed up at the door, holding a bag of cookies in one hand.Damen shot him a strange look and Nicaise shrugged.“Laurent was in a baking mood last night, for some reason.We have so many, so I thought I’d bring you some.”

“Thanks,” Damen replied, shutting the door and following Nicaise into the living room.Not even bothering to ask, Nicaise turned on the Playstation and grabbed two controllers.It was a testament to how often they’d done this.

It was the one secret they both had from everyone.And the only rule was that Damen couldn’t ask questions about Laurent, because Nicaise didn’t want to end up in the middle.

That was fine with Damen because their relationship actually had nothing to do with Laurent.They both genuinely loved each other and that was all there was to it.Neither one of them had been willing to lose their friendship when things between him and Laurent had ended.

It helped he could drive now.Their meetings had been a lot harder to conduct when that hadn’t been the case.

“Are you coming to the wedding?” Damen asked as the shooter game of the night loaded.

“Yeah.Nik said I could come and get wasted.That’s a direct quote.”

“Sounds like him.”

“I’m going to pretend we don’t talk anymore, you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Damen sighed.

“I hate it.”

“Me too, kid.”

There was a long silence, except for the sounds coming from the TV as they started shooting.Then Nicaise whispered, “Are you sure you two can’t be friends?It would make all of this so much easier.I hate lying to him.Mostly because I know he knows that I am and I think it hurts him.”

Damen snorted indelicately.“He hates me.”

“I wish I knew if that was true.You’re the one thing he won’t talk to me about.”

“This is veering into dangerous territory.”

“Yeah, sorry, I’m just fucking tired.”

“Long day at school?”

“Yep.I’m pretty sure I bombed my history test.I guess that’s what happens when you don’t do any of the reading, but I really fucking hate homework.It’s so goddamn pointless.”

“I remember feeling like that.”

“Hand me a cookie?”

“Sure, if you cover me.”

“I’ve got it under control.” 

Damen set the controller on his lap and grabbed the ziploc bag, opening it, and pulling two cookies out.He handed one to Nicaise, who was very clearly trying not to laugh.Glancing around towards the TV, Damen saw that his character was dead.“Did you shoot me again?” Damen said.

“I don’t know why you ever think I’m actually going to cover you.”

“I’m grotesquely optimistic.”

Nicaise laughed and accepted the cookie, munching down.It wasn’t long before he was dead, too, and then they sat there eating cookies together until half the bag was gone and they were laughing while reminiscing about old games they’d played and old betrayals Nicaise had handed out.Not once had Damen betrayed him, to no one’s surprise.

They didn’t return to the game.Instead, Nicaise asked how the bookshop was doing, turning and leaning his head against the couch, tucking his feet underneath his legs.

“Alright.We still end up in the green, somehow.I don’t know how much longer I can do it, though.I never wanted to work in a bookshop, you know.It’s been long enough now since my parents died that I don’t necessarily feel the need to do it just to keep their memory alive.”

“Don’t close it,” Nicaise whispered.

“Why?”

“Because I love it there.So does Laurent.”

“Funny, he never stops by anymore.”

Nicaise rolled his eyes and said, “Well, if you do decide to, let me know.Laurent might be willing to buy it from you.”

“Nicaise…”

“Just tell me, okay?”

“Alright.”

Then, with a sigh, Nicaise got up and gathered his things.They didn’t need to exchange words.Damen knew he had to leave.He walked Nicaise to the door and the silence still reigned.It was often how their nights ended, Laurent being a hard topic to avoid when they were together, because for awhile, he was the only thing that had bonded them.And Laurent always made them quiet.

“Bye, Nicaise.I’ll see you in two days.”

“Yes you will.”

 

Waking up on the day of the wedding, Damen texted Nikandros luck, and then laid in bed reading the news and scanning his Facebook absentmindedly.It was all he could manage currently, entirely unprepared to see Laurent today.It was going to emotionally drain him.He already felt a small toll just thinking about it.

Only when Nikandros texted him back an hour later, sending a picture of himself in his tux, did Damen get out of bed.This day wasn’t about him.It was about Nikandros and Jord and he should be there for them.

_D: Want anything?_

_N: Coffee would be good.And a muffin.And an oxygen tank_

_D: I can get you the first two_

_N: Good enough_

_D: I’ll be there soon_

_N: Thank god.I’m going out of my mind_

_D: Seen Jord yet?_

_N: No.The bastard won’t let me.Says it’s traditional.We’re not fucking heterosexual weirdos though_

Laughing, Damen got dressed, pocketed his phone, grabbed his keys, and drove to a local coffee shop that was known for its pastries.Getting two muffins in case he was hungry later—he was decidedly not hungry now—and two cups of black coffee, he then drove out to an old estate on the outskirts of Portland, one often rented out for weddings. 

Parking in a gravel parking lot a few hundred feet from the building, Damen got out and walked around the side, seeing a collection of well-dressed people setting up tents and an aisle and chairs.It already looked tasteful and Damen smiled, walking through open double doors in the back and wandering halls and poking his head into rooms, until he found Jord in one of them.

“Hey,” Jord said, when he saw him.“Looking for Nik?”

“Yeah.”

“He’s two rooms down.”

“Does he know that?”

Jord laughed and shook his head.“Don’t tell him or there’ll be nothing I can do to keep him away.”

“I won’t.How are you doing?”

“Just fine.I’ve got my own reinforcements on the way.”Then Jord glanced down at his hands for just a second and Damen knew.He wished his friends didn’t have to be like this around him.

“Laurent.”

Jord nodded.“I’ve ordered him to be civil today.It’s my day, so I think he will.If that’s any consolation.”

“Yeah.”

Biting his lip, Jord was about to say something, but then he thought better of it.“Tell Nik to stop worrying.”

Damen laughed.“How’d you know?”

“I know him.”

Nodding, Damen left and walked two doors down, knocked perfunctorily, and then strolled in.He found Nikandros in his tux, pacing back and forth, wringing his hands.When he saw Damen, he rushed over and pulled him into a hug, practically knocking the coffee and muffins out of Damen’s hands.“What are you so worried about?” Damen said, laughing softly, as Nikandros clutched him tightly.

“I don’t know,” Nikandros murmured.“I don’t know.He’s it, I know that, but I can’t keep thinking about all the marriages that end in divorce.What if that happens to us?I literally don’t think I would survive that.”

“It’s not going to happen to you.He told you to stop worrying, by the way.”

“You’ve seen him?”

“Yes.”

“How’d he look?”

Removing himself from the hug, Damen smiled.“He looked good.And happy.And calm.”

“Oh good, I’m glad he’s good,” Nikandros murmured, taking the coffee and muffins from Damen’s hands and sitting on the ground so he could eat it.There was a couch a few feet away, but Damen wasn’t going to say anything.Instead, he sat on the ground with Nikandros and watched as Nikandros picked at the muffin, consuming it in the smallest bites possible.He was making a mess, crumbs falling everywhere, including on his tux.When the first muffin was done, he started on Damen’s.“What if marriage is just wrong for us?What if it fucks everything up?What if there’s like some weird, magical bullshit in the institution that automatically ruins good things?”

“Dude, chill.It’s just a piece of paper that gets you a tax break.”

“I can’t be chill.I love him too much to be chill.”

“I know.”

“Oh don’t do that.”

“What?” Damen asked, confused.

“Pull the this-could-be-Laurent-and-I-face.”

“But it’s my favorite one.”

Nikandros stared at him and he sighed.“Sorry.I don’t actually think that anymore, you know.He’s been very clear about how he feels.”

“Good.Can I have your coffee, too?”

“Sure,” Damen said, handing it over.“So what can I do to distract you from your unnecessary anxiety?”

“Can I show up drunk to my own wedding?”

“I don’t recommend it.”

“Damn.”

“You know,” Damen said casually, “I know they have a golf cart on sight for these sorts of things, so they can drag you off somewhere and take pictures in a scenic location.We could steal it and go for a joy ride.”

“God, you’re the best friend in existence.”

Grinning, Damen stood and helped Nikandros up.They hurried out of the room and back out onto the porch in the back, scanning their surroundings for any sight of a golf cart.Damen was about to suggest they look to the left, where most of the workers seemed to be congregating to form new groups for new tasks, when Nikandros stopped walking abruptly.Crashing into him, Damen was about to ask what was going on, when he saw Laurent at the bottom of the steps leading to the porch.Damen’s heart stuttered and he took most of his self control to give a cursory glance before continuing down the steps, pulling Nikandros with him.It was going to be a long day.

“Damen, Nikandros,” Laurent said curtly, giving them a stiff nod.

“Yeah, hi,” Nikandros said quickly, watching Damen intently.

“Hi,” Damen whispered, most of his self control disappearing in a wave of Laurent’s all-too-familiar cologne.He looked fabulous, as always.He even had sunglasses on top of his head, holding back his bangs, freeing all the elegant curves and angles of his face.It was entirely unfair.

The blue eyes considered him briefly and then Laurent was gone, bounding up the steps.Closing his eyes, Damen took a few deep breaths and only surfaced when Nikandros touched his arm and murmured, “Okay?” with genuine concern.

“Sure,” Damen said. 

“At least he didn’t ignore you?”

“That is something.”

“Let’s go find that golf cart,” Nikandros said, tugging Damen along.

They found it in use by some of the staff, but when Nikandros explained how much they needed it and offered twenty dollars for a half hour, the staff handed it over.Damen had been intending to do the driving, but he was in a mild daze, wondering how the fuck he was going to make it through a whole day with the possibility of running into Laurent at any turn, so Nikandros drove.

He drove like a maniac, stopping and starting at weird times, accelerating as quickly as the golf cart could, taking turns too fast, until Damen snapped out of his mood and smiled happily, feeling the wind in his hair.After that, Nikandros went at a more reasonable pace, driving down the grassy hills, until they found a pond at the edge of the property, a massive oak tree shadowing half of it.They got out of the golf cart and sat below it, tossing pebbles into the pond.

“Remember when I met Jord?” Nikandros asked.

“Yeah.It was at that terrible party.He was the only one dancing, if I remember correctly.”

Nikandros laughed and nodded.“He was so goddamn hammered.”

“I met Laurent at that party.”

“Fuck,” Nikandros whispered.“I forgot.”

“It’s okay.”

“The asshole was reading, wasn’t he?”

“Yeah.He didn’t want to be there.Didn’t entirely want to talk to me, either.”

“What is it about him, Damen?” Nikandros asked.“It was six months.A good six months, but…you dated Jokaste an entire year and you got over her much quicker.You’ve never told me.There’s a lot you haven’t told me, actually.”

“That’s because I don’t know.I don’t know what’s different about him, I don’t know where we stand, I don’t even really know why we broke up.I made such a mess.We both did.”

“You can leave after the ceremony, you know.It won’t bug me.”

Damen shook his head.“It’s not any different from all the other times I’ve been in the same room with him.If this was the first time, I might take you up on that, but it’s not.I’m not going to ruin your wedding just because I’m a head case who can’t get over his ex-boyfriend of two years.”

“It does sound lame when you say it like that.”

“That’s because it is lame.”

Nikandros laughed softly, tossing yet another pebble into the pond.It made a loud smack when it hit the water and they both watched the ripples extend to the outer rims and then slowly fade, before Nikandros stood and said, “We should probably take the cart back.I think they actually need it.”

“Yeah.I need to go put my tux on and pick up Jokaste, anyway.”

So they drove back, taking a longer way back because they were admittedly kind of lost, and then Damen said, “I’ll see you at the end of the aisle,” before driving back home, getting dressed, and then driving to Jokaste’s, a small apartment in the heart of Portland.

When he buzzed, she said she was coming down.He waited on the street until she appeared, looking like a vision in a low cut purple dress that swelled at the waist, ending mid calf.There were even delicate purple flowers along the hem.

She hugged him tightly and then climbed into the car.Damen followed suit.“You look amazing,” he said as he started the car.

“Thank you.How are you doing?”

“Alright.”

“That’s such a lie,” Jokaste tutted.“You look like you’re about to throw up.It’s almost as bad as the first time.”

“I actually threw up the first time.”

“Someday, you’re going to let me hurt him for what he’s done to you.”

“No, I won’t.”

“I live in hope.”

Damen smiled faintly and started driving back to the estate.The sun was shining down on them, warming the car, and Damen said, “They got so lucky.It’s such a nice day.”

“They really did.I was really hoping it would rain just so they would know how idiotic it is to have a spring wedding in Oregon.”

“I can’t believe they’re getting married.”

“I know,” Jokaste said.“It’s totally crazy.Sometimes, I feel like we’re all still kids playing at being adults.But they’re really doing it.”

“Think they’ll have kids?”

“I don’t even want to think about that.”

“Yeah, me neither, honestly.I’d have to take care of them all the time.”

“Oh, please,” Jokaste said, “You’d love it.It’s me we should be worrying about.”She shuddered dramatically and it made Damen smile.Clearly, that had been what she was aiming for because she smiled back fondly.“It’s going to be okay, Damen.I’ll make sure it is.”

“Thanks.”

 

By the time they arrived, other people were arriving too.Since Damen was a part of the wedding, he was expected to be in the house, waiting for the signal to walk down the aisle, probably side by side with Laurent, who was Jord’s best man.He was fervently trying to avoid thinking about that.Jokaste, on the other hand, was not part of the ceremony, so they split off, Jokaste squeezing his arm slightly before she did.

When he entered the house, he found Jord just inside the doors, his tie being fixed by Laurent, whose attention was fixed on his task, face calm, but serious.However, they both turned their heads when he walked in and for a lack of something to say, he blurted, “Where’s Nik?” much too loudly.

“Over in the sitting room there,” Jord pointed.

Nodding, Damen bolted.Thankfully, Nikandros had managed to stay put, fiddling with his own tie and jacket in the mirror.“Want help?” Damen asked.

“No.I’ve got it.”

“Ready?” Damen asked.

Nikandros turned and Damen grinned, noticing that he looked infinitely calmer, a light smile constantly on the verge of making an appearance.“Very ready,” he declared.“Oh god, so ready.Does he still look perfect?”

“Of course.”

“I’m, like, thirty minutes away from having a husband.”

“I know.”

“Just in time for dinner.”

“It’s almost like you planned it that way,” Damen said.

“Almost like,” Nikandros grinned.“They better have cooked the damn steak to perfection.”

“Want me to go make sure they do it right?”

“No.Please stay with me.I might dissolve into a puddle at any moment.My mental state kind of wavers back and forth.”

He was about to reply when the wedding planner, a young, businesslike woman in a pencil skirt, hurried in and declared Damen was next to walk down the aisle.Nodding, Damen turned to Nikandros, grasped his hands in his quickly, and said, “Get your fucking man, brother.”

“I love you.”

“Love you, too.”Then Damen took a deep breath and followed the wedding planner out of the room.She directed him to the open doors, where Laurent was already standing, his head high and back straight.Feeling as though he was walking willingly into hell, Damen moved to stand beside him.Swallowing hard, he was very conscious of Laurent’s body tensing, an obvious sign he was uncomfortable.Neither of them said a word.

“Go,” the wedding planner said and they started walking, side by side.There was light classical music in the background and Damen bit his lip to stop himself from saying something stupid.Saying anything at all would be stupid.

To his surprise, Laurent spoke.“Our friends are getting married.”

“They are.”It wasn’t a great response, but his brain had stopped functioning.It was impressive he’d managed anything, in all honesty.

“Strange, isn’t it?After all this time.”

“Yeah,” Damen whispered, sneaking a glance at Laurent.He wasn’t looking at Damen, but there was something in the corner of his mouth that Damen recognized.It had been present the morning after they’d had sex the first time, when Damen had admitted he loved Laurent, when they’d talked about the future in a tumble of blankets and limbs.It was wistfulness, remembrance, a step before the realization that he was happy.That was something he hadn’t seen in years.Something that, obviously, Laurent had no intention of him seeing, because it was gone in a flash, leaving Damen to wonder if it had even happened in the first place.

Laurent didn’t speak again and Damen sure as hell wasn’t going to try and continue the conversation.They were basically to the end of the aisle anyway.When they finally did reach it, they parted ways, standing on either side of a flowered archway.

The procession continued after them and before long, Jord was walking out, alone and beaming.The smile he gave was directed at both him and Laurent and Damen felt a flash of regret.How had they ended up here of all places?

He sneaked another glance at Laurent, who was still resolutely facing forward.Of course he was.He had impeccable self control.There was no way Damen was going to catch him staring.That, of course, assumed Laurent wanted to stare at him in the first place, and that was not actually an assumption Damen could make.

It really was almost as bad as the first time he’d seen Laurent after the break up.It was probably the atmosphere of the wedding.Every other time had been casual and not surrounded by notions of love and unity.

Knowing he had to find something else to think about, Damen caught Jokaste’s eyes.She smiled reassuringly and mouthed: _Okay?_

He shook his head imperceptibly.She nodded and it was enough to fill Damen with a measure of relief.Jokaste would take care of him.

And then, at the end of the aisle, Nikandros appeared.Jord’s back was resolutely towards him, but Damen caught him whisper to Laurent, “He isn’t about to run for the hills, is he?”

“No,” Laurent replied in a low murmur.“Not at all.”

Damen had to agree.In all honesty, Nikandros looked as though he were about to cry from how happy he was.Catching Damen’s eye, he grinned widely, a tear definitely running down his face.That was a bet lost against Nicaise.Unable to help himself, he let his eyes wander the seated crowd until he found Nicaise in the middle of the left side.It was immediately apparent Nicaise saw, because he stuck out his tongue briefly.Damen tried not to laugh.

“Hey,” Nikandros said breathlessly, when he arrived.“So that was the longest fucking walk of my life.”

Jord snorted and then both of them were laughing, almost uncontrollably.Before it got that far, Damen grasped Nikandros’ bicep hard, cutting off the laughter.“Ow,” Nikandros whined.

Before Damen could say sorry or explain, the officiant began to talk, speaking to why they were gathered together today and who she was marrying.It wasn’t long before she was asking them to say their vows.Damen was endlessly grateful that the ceremony was much more informal than most.It wouldn’t take long at all.Unless, of course, Nikandros got carried away in his vows.

They turned to each other and Jord spoke first.“Do you remember that time we got coffee at one in the morning and then stayed up until seven writing the screenplay for a TV show that you were certain was going to be the next _Game of Thrones_?”

Nikandros nodded.

“That’s when I knew I had to spend the rest of my life with you.Nik, you’re funny, loyal, idiotic and dramatic and I wouldn’t have it any either way, because no one else on this planet could actually get me to drink caffeine at one in the morning.I love you.And I will love you for the rest of my life.”

Laughing, tears falling faster, Nikandros managed to choke out, “Well, fuck, yours were actually good.”

Jord laughed and wiped away tears with the pad of his thumb.For a few seconds, Nikandros collected himself and then said, “Not even a few hours ago, I was inside that huge-ass house and I was panicking, because marriage freaks me the fuck out.But my best friend stole a golf cart with me and took me to the edge of a pond where we talked about the first time you and I met.And I realized two things while we talked.One, I was still attracted to you, even when you were the only drunk, dancing person at a lame party, which tells me that you must be someone special.And two, this outcome doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.In fact, I bet you if you traveled back in time and told the me who just met you that you and I were married in the future, I would just nod and say, ‘Yeah, I bet we are.’I love you, too, Jord.So goddamn much.Forever.”

There was cheering and whooping, the officiant said a few more words, and then she declared them husband and husband, wording Jord had specifically asked for.Their lips met and applause was added to the cheering, Damen doing his own fair share.

Before Jord and Nikandros were swept away and the party started with gusto, Nikandros turned to Damen and said, “Oh my god, I can’t believe I ended my vows with forever.I’m a fucking sap.”

“You cried, dude.I think that’s worse.”

“Jesus, I did, didn’t I?”

Jord appeared at their side and started pulling on Nikandros’ hand.“We’ve got things to do, husband.Damen isn’t going anywhere.”

“True,” Damen said, watching as they were swallowed by the crowd steadily moving towards the tents set up a couple hundred feet away where tables were set and ready for dinner.When he looked around, searching for Jokaste, his eyes landed on Laurent, who was still standing on the other side of the archway, watching the proceedings with impenetrable eyes.

In a moment of bravery, Damen said, “A nice ceremony, wasn’t it?”

Laurent’s head turned slowly and Damen realized too late that he’d been far away, somewhere deep in his brain.“Sorry,” Damen said in a rush, “I didn’t realize you were thinking.I know you hate being interrupted.”

“It was a lovely ceremony,” Laurent said.Then, abruptly, he walked away and Damen sighed.Apparently they weren’t making progress at all.Go figure.

Suddenly, Jokaste was at his side and she said, “Let’s go get drunk.”

“Yes please.”

 

And god did he get drunk.He managed to make it through his best man speech just fine, but by the time the party was in full swing, loud music pounding in his ears and dancing couples filling his vision, he’d come to the realization that he was, in fact, quite drunk.Jokaste was seated at a table with him, a lot less drunk than him, her eyes scanning the crowd.In a quiet voice, she asked, “Is that Nicaise over there?”

Squinting slightly, Damen nodded lazily.“Yep, that’s him.I wish he’d come say hi.I wish I could go say hi.I’ve got some money to pay him, after all.”

“Wait,” Jokaste said, “You guys talk?”

“Every fucking day, pretty much.More often than I talk to you, actually.We’re pretty good friends.Nothing like Nikandros and I, of course, but, you know, I would do anything for him.”

“Why didn’t I know about this?”

“Because it’s a secret.If Laurent found out, he’d probably start, like, throwing things or something.Whatever he does when he gets angry.You know, when other people aren’t around.Cause when other people are around he just gets all silent and taciturn and weird.It’s so awful, to be honest.How are you supposed to talk to someone when they won’t even talk back to you just because you’re, like, fighting or whatever?You know what he’s even better at?Pretending there wasn’t a fight at all the next day.It’s really fabulous.”

Jokaste laid her hand against Damen’s cheek and said, “You need to stop talking about Laurent.Why don’t you sit here while I go and get you some water?”

“I can sit.”

“Perfect,” she said, standing and heading for the open bar.Damen’s eyes wandered, inevitably landing on the one person they always landed on.Laurent wasn’t dancing.Instead he was standing on the edge of the mass of people, holding a drink in his hand, and talking to a delicately demure man, who was almost certainly his date.Damen could tell from the cursory glances and the finger tracing the rim of his glass that Laurent was entirely uninterested in him, begging the question why Laurent even brought him in the first place.Briefly, pettily, Damen wondered if Laurent even knew his name.

He was considering standing and perhaps doing something stupid, when Jokaste returned with a glass of water in hand.“Drink,” she ordered, setting the glass on the table.Doing as he was asked, Damen kept watching Laurent.Kept watching as the lowering sun peeked through the side of the tent, hitting one of Jokaste’s bracelets and catching the eye of Laurent’s date.Kept watching as the date’s eyes glimmered with recognition.Kept watching as he wandered over, dragging Laurent with him, Laurent’s face growing more and more closed the closer they got, until suddenly they were there, standing in front of Damen’s table.

“Jokaste?” the man asked.

It took Jokaste a moment, but then she said, “Elliot!Hi.How are you?It’s been a long time.”

“That it has.”Turning to Laurent, Elliot said, “Jokaste was in a couple of my art classes in college.She had a talent for watercolor.Do you still paint?”

She nodded and they began a conversation about the old college days and Damen took another big gulp of water, feeling distinctly uncomfortable.And dizzy.God, was he dizzy.

“Just how drunk are you?” Laurent asked, looking at him.

“What do you care?”

Laurent shrugged.“Just wanted to gauge how much second hand embarrassment I have to look forward to.”

“I was going to guess something like that.Actually, my guess was more along the lines of ‘Ooh, how easily can I get Damen to feel like shit about himself and his life?’If you must know, you’ve already done an excellent job.You always do.”

He must’ve been talking loudly, because Elliot stopped talking to Jokaste and said, “Do you two know each other?”

Damen nodded and raised his water glass in Elliot’s direction.“I bet he didn’t tell you his ex was going to be here.That’s not necessary information for a man he’s just using as a prop.Why is it you always have one at this sort of party, Laurent?Enlighten us.”

“Damen…” Jokaste murmured.

Damen waved her off.“No, you know what, I don’t want you to stop me.I realize I’m being awful, but there’s a strong chance I won’t even remember, so I’m just going to say what I want to say, because goddammit, all of you are right.”Meeting Laurent’s eyes easily, more easily than he had in a long time, Damen said, “Fuck you, Laurent.Fuck you for treating me like I’m half of a person for the past two years, as though we weren’t ever in love.Fuck you for that first goddamn party where you brought that guy three weeks after we’d broken up and made out with him for a solid fifteen minutes where everyone could see.Fuck you for not even giving me a chance to explain myself.Fuck you for that little curl of your mouth as we walked down that goddamn aisle just now.Fuck you for not turning into an ugly old hag.”

“Hag is a typically gendered term,” Laurent said lightly.“And not one used in reference to men.”

Rolling his eyes, Damen shook his head.“Ah, my favorite tactic, the diversion.”

“Shall we dance?” Laurent said to Elliot, face calm and voice smooth.Elliot, incredibly shocked, nodded absentmindedly and let Laurent take his hand and lead him away.

Still angry, Damen shouted after his retreating figure, “And fuck you for dancing with him when you would never dance with me.”

“Oh, Damen,” Jokaste sighed.“What did that help?”

“Made me fucking feel better,” he grumbled, drinking more of the water.

“Did it?”

“I don’t know,” Damen said, already coming down from his high as the dizziness settled back in.Leaning back in his chair, he closed his eyes and focused on quelling the slight nausea.Jokaste tipped the glass against his lips and he swallowed what she offered, some of the water dribbling out of his mouth.

“You should really apologize to him.”

“When has he ever apologized for a goddamn thing he’s said to me.”

“Yes, but you’d want to apologize.If you were sober.”

“Then I will when I’m sober,” Damen replied.

“I didn’t think you were this drunk,” Jokaste murmured.“I hate it when I miscalculate.”

That almost set Damen off again, being referred to as a variable, something Laurent had done countless times when they’d fought, so he stood with a wobble and stumbled out of the tented area to a tree a couple hundred feet away.Settling down, he leaned against the side of the trunk that kept him facing away from the party and watched the last of the sun set below the horizon.As the light faded, he felt realizations hit and he groaned, letting his head fall into his hands.Had he really called Elliot a prop?

“Jesus christ,” he mumbled to himself, “I need this to end.”

“And what exactly would ‘this’ be?” a familiar voice asked him. 

Not even bothering to look up, Damen said flatly, “I thought you were dancing.”

“It doesn’t suit me.”

“I could’ve told you that.”

“You were rather rude to my date.I had to pull him away somehow.”

Groaning, Damen finally looked up to see Laurent standing over him, his blue eyes dark in the twilight.“Would you please just leave me to be drunk in peace?”

“I’d like you to apologize to him.”

“I bet you would.”

“He is under the impression he’s a prop.”

“It’s not a wrong impression.I do have eyes, you know.”

“Are you really not going to apologize to him?” Laurent asked, a modicum of curiosity seeping into his voice.

“Of course I am,” Damen said.“I simply wanted to point out that you don’t actually care whether I do or not.You’re just here to humiliate me.Which is why I would like you to leave me the fuck alone.”

“You didn’t answer my first question.”

“Nope.”

“That was quite the blow-up you had,” Laurent said, as though he were relaying a fact.

Exhaling loudly, Damen asked, “If you don’t leave, I will say things that I regret and I’m really tired of saying things to you that I regret.”

“Ah, but I’m curious what those things are.”

“Are you?How nice for you.”

“That’s childish.”

“How many times do I need to ask you to leave?”

“At least one more time.”

Running his hands through his hair, Damen stood, feeling close to throwing up for a second, before he stomped away.Sadly, he was much less coordinated than Laurent at the moment and the speed at which he could walk was considerably less.It took hardly any effort for Laurent to catch up and block his forward progress with his body.“What is your deal?” Damen groaned.

“What needs to end?” Laurent asked calmly.But there was something unhinged in his eyes.

“This!” Damen shouted nonsensically.“You!The rather irritating fact that I can’t get the fuck over you.”

“It’s been two years.”There was something in his voice and if Damen was sober, he would’ve been able to pick out what the emotion was, but for the life of him, he couldn’t right now.

“Really?I had no idea.”

“That’s pathetic.”

“Laurent, I swear to god, if you do not get out of my way, I will punch you.And it will hurt,” Damen said, trying to ignore the sting in his chest from Laurent’s words.Despite his words, Damen wasn’t the one causing pain here.

“I do believe you broke up with me,” Laurent said with the same uninterested tone.It was really starting to piss Damen off.Again.

“No, I didn’t.I left your fucking apartment because I was angry and I couldn’t have a reasonable conversation with you and then the next day, I got a text from Nicaise that asked why we had broken up.You went and made assumptions, overthinking every little detail, just like you always do.And then, you went and assumed that your assumptions were correct because you’re always right.God forbid Laurent deVere is ever wrong.”

“You do realize you could’ve said something.”

“Oh, could I have?Really?I want you to think long and hard about that, because I don’t think I could’ve.”Then, realizing much too late that he was hashing out his break up with Laurent while he was drunk, Damen murmured, “What the fuck am I doing?”

“Amusing me.”

“Fabulous.That’s just fabulous.Go back to your date and I’ll go back to mine.”

“Jokaste.Have you two started fucking again?”

“Yep, totally.That’s why I’m out here with you.”Then, because he was drunk and because he wanted to do some hurting in return, Damen tacked on, “Do you want to know something really amusing?Nicaise and I hang out on a regular basis.And he didn’t want you to know because he was scared you would take it as a betrayal.Your own fucking nephew was scared of you.”Then, without another word, he shoved past Laurent and back to his table where Jokaste was sitting with two glasses of water in front of her.She said nothing, just handed him one of the glasses.

Drinking large gulps, Damen said, “So I fucked up.”

“I figured.”

“Not going to berate me?”

Jokaste shook her head, a sly smile on her lips.“No.I think you did exactly what you needed to do.Let’s just make sure you remember.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay two things, just in case:   
> This is not a sequel to RNYS and my update schedule will probably not be the same. I'm not nearly as far ahead on this one. Since I didn't specify, I am updating today, but it's likely to become a weekly thing.  
> Anywayyyy thank you all so much. This has received a crazy amount of love that I didn't expect  
> And thank you to Mari, who still loves me despite what I put her through  
> Enjoy! <3

Three glasses of water later, Damen rose from the table and skirted the edge of the dance floor, heading towards where Laurent and his date were sitting.Definitely well on his way to sober now, he knew exactly what he had to do.

There was a flash of fear in Elliot’s eyes when he arrived and Damen grimaced slightly.Attempting a weak smile, Damen said, “Hey, man, I’m sorry for calling you a prop and for…well, everything.I’m sure you know better than I do what you and Laurent have.Just write me off as a jealous ex.”

Nodding, Elliot gave a small smile back.“We’ve all done and said stupid things when we’re drunk.Thanks for apologizing.”

“Sure.”And then he turned to Laurent, biting the inside of his cheek hard to keep himself grounded.“I’d like to apologize to you too, Laurent.I didn’t want to be like this and I won’t ever be again.”

“Wonderful,” Laurent deadpanned.

Taking a deep breath so he didn’t fire something back, Damen managed to walk away.He headed up to the front of the room, where Jord and Nikandros were hanging out, a large, babbling crowd around them.When Nikandros saw him, he shouted, “Best man coming through.Everyone out of the way.”

There was some confusion, people jostling and trying to figure out who exactly was the best man, but they parted relatively easy and then Damen was beside Jord and Nikandros.Their eyes were glazed over and they were hanging off of each other.They were having fun.That was good.“I just wanted to come say congratulations and that I’m leaving.I need to go lay down and maybe never get out of bed again.”

“No,” Nikandros whined, “Please stay.What about the cake?”

“I’ll have a cookie at home.”

“But why?”

“I’m drunker than I want to be and I yelled at Laurent and his date, so…”

“Oh my god,” Jord murmured, burying his face in his hands.

Nikandros burst into a smile and said, “I’m probably not going to remember you telling me that, but you’ll have to tell me all about it tomorrow because it sounds like the kind of story I’ll love.Dude, I promise you, he deserves it.”

“I’m not entirely sure he does,” Jord said.

“I’m not either,” Damen replied.“Have a good night, you two.You deserve it.”

They smiled in thanks and then Damen headed back to his table and Jokaste, who was sharing a glance with a man three tables away.Knowing that glance, he said, “Are you alright to get a ride home from someone?”

“You can’t drive.”

“I’m calling a taxi.”

“Alright.Yes, I can get a ride.Damen?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s not all your fault.Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Jokaste said.

“I’ll do my best,” Damen replied, feeling weariness settle into his bones.More than anything, he wanted his bed and some Advil.

But, of course, because this was not his night, Nicaise appeared out of the crowds of people and headed straight for him.There was no mistaking the hints of anger in his face and Damen sighed, hanging his head and waiting for Nicaise to catch up to him.They stood together silently just outside the tents and Damen didn’t have the energy to speak first.He just waited.It would be hard to blame Nicaise if their friendship was over.

“You’re such an idiot,” Nicaise said.“You should’ve known better than to get this drunk.”

“Probably, yeah.”

Sighing, Nicaise said, “He’s not talking to me right now.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.He’ll get over it.”

Damen didn’t reply and Nicaise sighed again, much louder this time.Gripping Damen’s arm, he began to pull him towards the parking lot.“I’ll give you a ride home,” he said.

“Why?”

“Because you’re my friend and you look like shit.”

“Thanks.”

With Nicaise’s help, they got to the parking lot much faster than Damen could’ve done alone.Getting into the BMW and buckling himself in, he lolled his head to the side and watched as Nicaise started the car and began to maneuver his way out.Now that he was away from all the noise and alone with someone who actually cared about him, he felt the emotional weight of the night settle in and he groaned, tears pricking the corners of his eyes.

“Stop whining.I don’t want to hear it.”

“Right, sorry,” Damen mumbled, staring out the window so Nicaise wouldn’t see the tears falling silently.He was just so tired and so done.It did have to end.He had to stop feeling like this whenever he saw Laurent.Maybe it would take not attending any events Laurent would be attending in the future.It would leave him out of a lot, but Damen knew it would help.

The drive was silent and when Damen got out of the car, Nicaise followed him.Hastily wiping his eyes, Damen turned to Nicaise and gave a watery smile.“Thanks for the ride.I’ll text you tomorrow.”

Nicaise didn’t budge, seemingly considering something.Finally, he said, “Do you need company?”

“No, I’ll be fine.”

Running a hand over his face, Nicaise stepped forward and hugged Damen.When he’d been younger, back when Laurent and Damen had first started dating, he’d gotten hugs on a regular basis.But this was the first time in months.It was a kind enough gesture to heal some of the hurt in his chest.“I’m sorry he’s such an asshole,” Nicaise murmured.

“I was kind of an asshole, too.”

“He’s not the one crying.”

Damen untangled himself from the hug and unlocked his front door after fumbling with the key for a couple seconds.Entering his house, he turned back around and noticed that Nicaise was staring down at his feet.He was nervous about something.

“What?” Damen asked.

“I always thought that maybe I was misreading things or…you’re still in love with him, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, kid.Probably.”

“Then what the fuck happened?”

Damen shrugged.“Hell if I know.Ask Laurent.”

“A brilliant idea.I’m sure he’ll give me a lengthy and thoughtful answer.”

That made Damen laugh.“Better you than me.”

“If he ever talks to me again.”

“I really am sorry about that.”

Nicaise waved the apology away.“He was bound to find out eventually.It was not something we were going to be able to hide for the rest of our lives.”

“I’m honestly surprised he didn’t know.”

“Yeah, me too,” Nicaise laughed.Then in a softer voice, he said, “I should go.Text me if you need anything.”

“Nicaise?”

“What?”

“There’s a reason we don’t talk about him, you know.Don’t try and get involved.I may love him and I may for a long time,” Damen said, trying not to think about how badly that would suck.“But nothing’s going to change and I don’t want you getting your hopes up.There’s a reason it didn’t work the first time.”

“Whatever you say,” Nicaise said, hopping down the steps leading up to the door and back to his car.Briefly, Damen considered shouting after him, but there was nothing he could really do to convince Nicaise of anything, so he shut the door and wandered up to his bedroom.

Taking an Advil from the top drawer under the sink in his bathroom, he only managed to remove his jacket before falling down on his bed, closing his eyes, and falling asleep.

 

When he woke up the next morning, he not only had a massive hangover, but he remembered everything that had happened.Groaning, he picked up his phone and saw that Nikandros was on his way over, bringing Gatorade and bananas.Slamming his head back down into his pillow before he felt nauseous again, Damen took the alone time to wonder what exactly had been different about last night.Why in the hell, after two years, had he gotten that drunk and said all those things?

Sorting through the flashes of memory from yesterday, it suddenly became obvious.It was that damn walk down the aisle.Laurent had probably been trying to be civil like Jord had asked him to be, but Damen had gone and taken it as a sign that maybe there was a chance they could at least start talking again.

There was also the small fact that they had been walking down an aisle.Together.At a wedding.That had its own effect, being a highly symbolic act.

A knock on his door, interrupted him from his thoughts and he flicked his eyes to the doorway to see Nikandros standing there, bananas and Gatorade in hand.He didn’t look great himself, but certainly better than Damen.

“Jokaste mentioned you got really fucking drunk.”

“That’s one way to put it.”

Nikandros crossed the room and sat down on the other side of the bed.With careful hands, he helped Damen sit up and then handed him the Gatorade.“Drink it all, buddy.”

Undoing the cap, Damen took a few sips.

“I take it you’re not opening up shop today.”

“Ugh, no.”

“Are you going to tell me what happened?”

“I may have called Laurent’s date a prop, told him that Nicaise and I still hang out—that’s a thing by the way—told him that I was still in love with him, hashed out our breakup, and threatened to punch him,” Damen said.

“Good god.”

“I’m nothing if not thorough.”

“I’m not sure that’s entirely what I meant when I told you to stop letting him hurt you.”

“Oh, don’t worry, he still managed that just fine,” Damen said.

“Well, at least you dealt your fair share.”

Whining, Damen capped his Gatorade and fell back into bed, pulling the covers over his head.“Now he knows I’ve been pining after him for two years.I can’t ever see him again.Ever.It’s too embarrassing.”

“He wouldn’t make fun of your feelings for him, would he?”

“He might,” Damen said.

“I don’t understand why he would do that.Why would he do that?”

Pulling the sheets off his head, Damen met Nikandros’ eyes.“Because I know everything about him, Nik.I can read his facial expressions, I know things about him that only I know, I know how he kisses and what he looks like with every single wall down, and it terrifies him that I know all of that and I’m just walking around in the world unsupervised.He wants to fucking end me.”

“But he has to know you wouldn’t tell anyone anything.”

“Oh, he does,” Damen agreed.“But that’s not what matters.What matters is that I know where we stand, which is very distinctly apart without hope of reconciliation.”

“Alright.How can I help you finally get over him?”

“That might be hopeless,” Damen sighed.“But you have to tell me when Jord’s invited him to things, because I won’t go anymore.If I don’t see him again, that should help.”

“Done,” Nikandros said.

“Thanks.”

“I’ve got you, Damen.Always.”Then he made Damen sit up again and drink more of the Gatorade.Flipping on the TV, Nikandros searched through the channels until he found reruns of _Friends_ and they spent most of the rest of the day in bed together, doing just that, Nikandros easily pretending it was no trouble at all to not be with his husband a day after getting married.

 

The next week passed with little consequence, Damen’s life returning to normal.He did miss a dinner party Nikandros and Jord hosted, welcoming their friends to their new house, but that was the only difference.On weekdays, Damen opened the bookstore and spent the day ringing up books and reading them, a habit he had picked up from the days he’d been dating Laurent.Two nights, Nicaise came over and played video games, two nights he spent with Jord and Nikandros and Jokaste, and three he spent having sex with Kashel, a girl he’d met a year ago, who thankfully, could care less about him when they weren’t in bed.It wasn’t that they didn’t like each other or enjoy the time they spent together, but they were both in love with people they couldn’t have.

It was enough.For most of the past twoyears, it had been.That only changed when he was in the same room with Laurent, which was why he was decidedly not doing that anymore.He knew it was possible for him to move on.It had to be.

On Monday, after a Sunday spent playing a drunk game of Pictionary at Jord and Nikandros’ house, Damen flipped the sign to open on the door of the bookshop on the outskirts of Portland and settled into his swivel chair behind the desk that housed the register.He was the only employee because it was often slow and that was fine with him.Well, Erasmus kept the books but he was hardly ever around.He conducted most of his work late at night.It hardly concerned Damen when he did his job as long as it got done.

Picking up the book by the register, _Howl’s Moving Castle_ , Damen started to read.Every once in awhile, the bell on the door would jingle, but he ignored it.Most of the time, customers didn’t need or want his help.If they did, they were free to come ask.

He’d only rung up three purchases by noon.It was an even slower day than he was used to and he was considering closing up and going to grab lunch somewhere, when the bell rung again.Sighing internally, he flipped his page and continued waiting.He was just going to have to wait until they were gone.

“Hasn’t changed much,” a familiar drawl said.“Though the customer service is severely lacking.More so than I remember.”

Damen set his book down slowly and blinked at Laurent, who was standing in front of the small table near the entrance, scanning the titles there.They were staff picks, which meant that they were books Damen had read and liked in the past month.“What are you doing here?” Damen whispered.This was the last thing he needed.A series of images and words from the wedding ran through his mind and he felt vaguely nauseous.

“Buying a book.”

“Excuse me?”

“This is still a bookstore, correct?It would explain why there are so many books.”

“That does not explain what you’re doing here.”

“I’m relatively confident it does, actually,” Laurent said easily, giving Damen a pleasant smile.A small pang traveled through Damen’s chest at how fake it was.Rubbing his eyes, Damen chose not to respond, instead picking his book back up and continuing to read.If he was here to shop, he could shop.

Then the bell on his desk rang, the one he had there in case he was in the back with the deliveries.“What?” Damen asked, not looking up from his book.Maybe if he didn’t look at Laurent, he could pretend it was someone else.

“I need your help retrieving a book.You really should’ve bought the step stools I suggested.”

“Okay,” Damen sighed, setting his book down and standing.“Lead the way.”

There was a flicker of surprise on Laurent’s face, but he didn’t say a word, leading Damen to the back and pointing towards the Greek and Roman heroic poems, which were, in fact, on the top shelf.Nobody ever wanted to buy them.“Which one?” Damen asked in his customer service voice.

“The _Theogony_.”

Extending to the tips of his toes, Damen managed to tilt the book with the tips of his fingers so he could grab it.Falling back to his feet, Damen held the book out for Laurent.When Laurent took it, Damen turned abruptly and walked back to his desk.He picked his book back up, but didn’t actually read any of the words.He was too distracted with questions and thoughts.Why was Laurent here?What did he want?And how was it possible that he always looked like he’d just descended from the sky on a drop of sunlight?Not that the sunlight would have anything to do with such a noxious personality.

A voice in the back of his head reminded him softly that Laurent wasn’t noxious in the slightest.It bombarded him with images of Laurent stroking his hair, of Laurent smiling and humming as he made dinner for the two of them, of Laurent kissing him with unmatched tenderness. 

“Goddammit,” he murmured, counting down from ten in his head and breathing deeply.The images slowly faded and he relaxed.

The relaxation didn’t last long, because Laurent was back, standing right in front of him.He had a twenty in his hand and he offered it to Damen, slender hands just how he remembered them. 

Accepting it, Damen rang up the price of the book and then gave Laurent five dollars in change.When Laurent didn’t immediately leave, his mouth pursing into a tight line, Damen said, “Please just go.”

“I can’t.”

“The door is right there.Push, don’t pull.”

“I’ve been ordered to apologize to you.Apparently, I made you cry.”

“Nicaise,” Damen breathed, silently cursing himself for not trying harder to convince Nicaise that nothing could be done to rekindle his and Laurent’s relationship.

Laurent hummed.“Yes.He seems to think there’s a possibility we can sort out our problems.This is, perhaps, a good argument for why you really shouldn’t have continued a relationship with him in the first place.”

“He’s my friend, Laurent.Sorry if that’s inconvenient for you.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Not at all.Don’t worry about the apology.It would actually mean a lot more to me if you listened to me for once and left.”

Laurent gave a barbed smile and said, “Surely you know better than telling me what you want by now, Damen.”

“Do I?Fascinating.Want to hear other things I want?I want you to stay.I want you to tell me that we were stupid and that we can fix this.I want you to come behind this desk, lift me out of my chair, press me up against that wall and kiss me senseless.”While those things were true, they weren’t _true_.They were dreams and wishes, not actual hopes.But he knew what those words would do to Laurent.

To Damen’s joy, the smile had disappeared and Laurent was suddenly tense, his face a stone mask.The joy didn’t last long, though, because it seemed to have also paralyzed Laurent and Damen desperately wanted him to leave.“Just leave,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry I made you cry.”

“Lovely.Well done.I’ll report back to Nicaise.”

“Nice of you,” Laurent said.

“Well, I am too kind for my own good.”

They stared at each other, blue eyes meeting brown, and Laurent still wasn’t moving.Damen couldn’t believe he was going to have to repeat himself again, when the hardness in Laurent’s eyes softened slightly.That was enough to send a shock through Damen’s system and he couldn’t even pretend it didn’t happen, because his mouth popped open. “You’ve never been this insistent on getting out of my company before,” Laurent said.

“Yes, well, I was hoping to never see you again.”

“So that’s why you weren’t at the housewarming party.I did wonder.”

Taking a deep breath, Damen whispered, “I think it’s the only way I can move on.I hope it is.I’ve tried every other fucking thing.”

The softness disappeared and Damen thought maybe it was because that saddened Laurent.Inexplicably.Grasping for what he’d seen there, Damen said, “You wouldn’t have a problem with me moving on, would you?”

“No.Of course not,” Laurent said.“I have, after all.” 

“Have you?” Damen murmured, unable to help himself from continuing to press Laurent.It was unlikely he would be back, anyway.“Then why are you still standing here?”

That caught Laurent off guard.When their eyes flicked back to each other, it was obvious Laurent knew that Damen had noticed.For a very long second, they simply gazed at each other, Damen feeling a flare of hope light in his chest.This was different.This had not happened in two years.Before he could say anything, Laurent was gone in a flash, leaving behind only the faint traces of his cologne and the ringing bell on the door.

Taking a quick peek around the store to make sure no one was inside, he flipped the sign to closed and headed out for lunch.It was a nice day, so after he had his food—a simple ham and cheese sandwich and a styrofoam container full of split pea soup—he grabbed a bench in a nearby park and pulled out his phone, calling Nikandros.

“You’ve got ten minutes,” Nikandros said.“My boss is making rounds.”

“Ten is plenty.Guess who just stopped by the bookstore?”He took a bite of his sandwich as he waited for Nikandros to respond.

“Who?”

“Laurent.”

“What?” Nikandros gasped.“Are you actually serious?Is it the first of April?Did I miss an entire month of the calendar?”

“You didn’t.He came by and bought some old Greek guy’s poem.And to apologize for how he treated me at the wedding, though that was entirely Nicaise’s doing and one hundred percent the reason he was there.He would do anything for Nicaise.”

“I’m sensing a ‘but’ in this story.”

Damen smiled.“But he stayed longer than he needed to.And his eyes went soft, Nik.Very briefly.Not only that, I shocked him.Want to know what I said?”

“You’re a horrible storyteller.”

“Shut up.”

“Yes, Damen, of course I do,” Nikandros said.

“Okay, I kind of missed an important part, but basically, I was explaining my methods of getting over him, he didn’t seem to like it, and I asked him if he really wanted me to get over him and he made a couple cruel remarks…”

“Jesus christ, Damen, speed it up.”

“Sorry.I’m just a little all over the place right now.I think I’m actually shaking.”

“Focus.”

“Right, okay.Essentially, I ended up asking him if he really had moved on, because I didn’t think he would be standing and talking to me if he had, and he went completely still and then bolted,” Damen finished.

“Oh my god,” Nikandros said in a rush.“You think he’s still hung up on you, too.”

“Maybe.”

“Oh my god,” Nikandros repeated, clearly in minor amounts of shock.“I have to talk to Jord.Go away.”

“I thought I had ten minutes,” Damen protested.

“Yes, well, Jord gets the last five.”

“Fine.Bye, Nik.”

“Bye.”

Damen hung up the phone and then continued eating his lunch, unable to stop his leg from bouncing up and down.This put all plans on hold.There was a slight possibility that he could get Laurent back.Somehow.

Actually, there probably wasn’t, because Laurent was stubborn and fragile—though he wouldn’t admit it.Okay, not in most things, but in intimacy and relationships, he was.Damen had hurt him once—they’d hurt each other once—and it was going to take everything Damen had to make Laurent give it another try.But he was going to work his damnedest.

It was unlikely Laurent had meant to give him hope, but Damen was going to take it and hold it close.He would need it when Laurent ultimately tried to shove him away again, he would need it when he was at a loss of what to do, of how to break through Laurent’s walls, and he would need it if the moment ever arose where Laurent demanded he stop.Especially then.Because if Laurent did, Damen would throw that memory at him, would force Laurent to face the fact that maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t moved on either.Once that was between them, if Laurent still asked him to leave, Damen would. 

Since he was still eating his lunch, he decided to send a text message to Nicaise.

_D: I can’t believe you.Why did you make him come apologize?_

Nicaise responded after Damen was halfway through his soup.

_N: Because I’ve let the two of you be idiots for too long.The wedding made that clear.Did it work?_

_D: I accused him of still loving me and he ran_

_N: Wow I didn’t know you had it in you_

_N: Sounds like Laurent_

_D: You still shouldn’t get your hopes up.It’s going to be fucking impossible_

_N: Yeah but you’re stubborn.Always have been._

_N: Besides, you were the best six months of both of our lives.Laurent hasn’t forgotten that, no matter what he pretends_

_D: Really?_

_N: Really._

_D: Wanna come hang out at the bookshop tonight?I’ve got a fair amount of shelving to do and I could use some help_

_N: You know…_

_D: What?_

_N: Laurent knows were friends now.There’s nothing stopping you from hanging out here_

_D: Seems like a lot all at once.I don’t want to overwhelm him_

_N: Jesus you’re too nice.Trust me, it’s good for him_

_N: I’ll put it simply.Come here or don’t see me_

_D: You’re diabolical_

_N: ;)_

Rolling his eyes, Damen finished his lunch and then headed back to the bookshop, opening it back up.It picked up in the late afternoon, customers streaming in as they got off work and school for the day.That ensured the remainder of the day sped by and it wasn’t long before the sun was setting and Damen was closing up, locking the door behind him.Getting in his car, he debated the offer Nicaise had given him.It sounded like he was going to have to do it at some point and the idea of seeing Laurent again right now didn’t make him feel sick.It was entirely possible he wouldn’t feel that way tomorrow.Buckling himself in, he started the car and drove to Laurent and Nicaise’s house in the nearby suburbs of Portland.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't have much to say except I adore this chapter and I hope you do too  
> Thank you all for reading this angst fest. I know how hard it can be. Means the world to me that you're here. Especially when it's a WIP.  
> Thank you to Mari, as well. My ever faithful beta. You make things so easy on me.  
> Enjoy! <3

Damen had never actually been here before.He only knew where it was because Jord and Nikandros had visited and Nikandros kept Damen updated on the bigger things in Laurent’s life, like where he lived.

It was an older house, but the yard was impeccably kept and the light green paint looked relatively fresh.There was a covered porch that faced west, making it the perfect place to sit and watch sunsets.Climbing up the steps, Damen felt himself smiling slightly.He loved porches on houses.He’d told Laurent that once.

Taking a deep gulp of fresh air, Damen knocked.It was good he’d inhaled so much oxygen because suddenly he was face to face with Laurent in a pair of gray sweatpants and a white tee and he was knocked breathless.It immediately brought back memories of days spent in bed and Laurent wearing Damen’s clothes.Clearly, Nicaise had not bothered informing Laurent that Damen was coming over because he wouldn’t be wearing something so casual if he’d known. 

Laurent crossed his arms over his chest and gazed at Damen with raised eyebrows, the lines of his face harsh.Damen had forgotten just how large Laurent could make himself seem, despite his smaller and more slender frame.

“Don’t blame me,” Damen blurted.“Nicaise said he’d stop hanging out with me if I didn’t come over here.I was blackmailed.”

Laurent kept staring, seconds turning to minutes in Damen’s mind.Then Laurent stepped aside wordlessly and Damen slipped in, cautiously looking around at a small entryway, walls covered in expensive looking art.Straight ahead, there looked to be a kitchen, to the right was a flight of stairs, and to the left was the living room, illuminated by soft lighting from lamps and strung up fairy lights.Nicaise was on one of the light gray couches, head bent over a textbook, a notebook and pen in his lap.

When Laurent closed the door, Nicaise looked up from his homework and said, “Hey, Damen.”

“Hey,” Damen said, feeling distinctly uncomfortable.Looking back at Laurent, searching for reassurance in entirely the wrong place, Damen murmured, “I like the place.It’s beautiful.Has a porch.”Then he winced, because that had probably been a dumb thing to say.

Laurent turned away and headed up the stairs, probably going to his bedroom.Sighing, Damen strolled into the living room and crashed onto the couch beside Nicaise and said, “That went well.”

“I considered telling him you were coming over but I knew he’d leave.”

“Maybe that would be best.”

“I’m going to need you to have more confidence in your abilities, Damen.”

“It would help if he wasn’t giving me the silent treatment,” Damen said.“What are you working on?”

“Math.”

“Gross.”

Nicaise shrugged.“It’s not that hard.I would prefer not doing it, of course, but it could be memorizing birth and death dates of some crusty old white guy.”

“Do you need to finish?I can entertain myself for a little while.”

“Such skills,” Nicaise teased.“Actually, yes, that would be great.Why don’t you go bug Laurent while I finish?”

“Yeah, no.”

“Oh, come on.”

“No,” Damen said vehemently.

“You do realize that the only way anything is going to change is if you force him to talk to you, right?I’ll do what I can, but it’s likely he won’t do it himself.”

Scrunching his nose, Damen keened softly and shook his head.“I’m going to get myself a glass of water and then I’m going to come right back to this spot on the couch and play a game on my phone.”

“I’m the sixteen year old, Damen.Not you.”

Choosing to ignore that comment, Damen stood and padded to the kitchen.He didn’t actually know where anything was and he felt very intrusive for a second, before he remembered that Nicaise had given him a place here.His ability to give that was just as credible as Laurent’s ability.

Searching for a light switch, he eventually found one against the wall besides the entry and flicked the lights on.He opened and closed cupboards until he found glasses.Grabbing one, he turned to the sink and filled it up with tap water.Taking a sip, he leaned back against the counter and took in his surroundings.The kitchen was relatively small but incredibly new and there was a big space next to it where a little rectangular table was housed, as well as…

“Nicaise,” Damen shouted.“You didn’t tell me you had a cat.”

“She’s Laurent’s, technically.Her name’s Luna.She’s around here somewhere, I’m sure.”

“What kind of cat?”

“Black,” Nicaise called back.

Then Laurent’s voice wound it’s way down from upstairs, “This house isn’t a sports stadium.Stop shouting.”

“You were just shouting,” Nicaise called.

“I pay the bills.”

“Have you seen Luna?”

“She’s up here.”

“Damen wants to meet her.”

“I didn’t say that,” Damen shouted hurriedly.“I’m perfectly fine down here.”Then he left the kitchen, making sure to turn the lights off as he did, and returned to Nicaise.This way, they wouldn’t have to shout.He didn’t want to inconvenience Laurent or give him a reason to forbid Damen from ever returning.

Setting his glass down on the coffee table, he got out his phone and checked his email.There were a couple of messages for work, but otherwise, there was nothing.He considered playing a game like he’d said he’d do, but it didn’t particularly appeal, so he closed his eyes and leaned his head back.It had been a long, confusing day.He probably should’ve saved this visit for another day, but there was something comforting in nights spent with Nicaise that he couldn’t get from anyone else.They were easy, unobtrusive, and bright.Of course, Laurent wasn’t typically around for them.

Stairs creaked and Damen cracked one eye open to see Laurent padding down them, his feet bare, a bundle of black fur in his arms.The tiny head in the bundle swiveled around and Damen was met with bright green eyes.“You wanted to meet Luna,” Laurent said, dropping her into Damen’s lap.

Luna began to sniff Damen’s jeans and then his hands, but she quickly settled, lying down and closing her eyes.When Damen petted her tentatively, she began to purr loudly.“She’s so soft,” Damen murmured.

“Was she going to be anything different?She is a cat,” Laurent said.

That was enough to set Damen on edge, an unhelpful comment ready on the tip of his tongue, but he beat it down.“Thank you for bringing her down,” he said instead, even forcing himself to meet Laurent’s eyes.Their gaze held, Laurent’s mouth turning down at the corners, and then he was gone again, right back up the stairs. 

Nicaise shook his head and sighed, picking up Damen’s water from the coffee table and drinking half of it.“You would’ve gotten further if you’d fired back.He has a serious problem resisting the temptation to have the final word.”

“I’m tired of arguing,” Damen sighed.

There was a moment of silence, but then Nicaise said, “Know any geometry?”

“Not really.Why?”

“Because I do not understand this question at all.”

“I’m afraid I’d be useless.I could talk pretend to know what I’m talking about, if you want.That’s what most adults do when they don’t know things,” Damen said.

“I’ll just go ask Laurent.I’ll be right back.While I’m gone, find something on TV we can watch.”

“Okay,” Damen replied, picking up the remote and turning on the TV that was on the far wall, directly across from the couch.Knowing exactly what Nicaise would want to watch, especially after a night spent doing homework, Damen flipped to HGTV and was happy to see _House Hunters_ was on.International, even.Some woman was searching for a place in Ireland, currently.

The episode that was on finished by the time Nicaise came back down the stairs.Laurent was trailing him, his entire body a study in tension and dislike.The glares he was throwing at the back of Nicaise’s head were rather magnificent.Figuring that there had been less math and more arguing upstairs, Damen thought it was best he didn’t say a word.

“Damen,” Laurent said the second Nicaise was settled on the couch.Laurent hadn’t sat.“Could I ask you something?”

“Sure?”

“Please be more decisive.”

“I’m not sure I can,” Damen said.“You’re kind of scary when you’re this upset.”

“For fuck’s sake,” Laurent whispered, pinching the bridge of his nose.“I don’t deserve this.”

“Stop being a baby,” Nicaise said.

“Do not get me started on you,” Laurent snapped.“I hope you have no interest in getting any sleep tonight, because you and I are far from done talking about this.”

“You can’t…”

“Yes, I can.I will tie you to a fucking chair if I have to.”Taking a deep breath, Laurent turned back to Damen with an unpleasant smile.“Back to the other thorn in my side, would you care to tell me what the fuck you are doing here?It’s giving him ideas and I know perfectly well that you’re aware.You may be a complete idiot, but you’re not actually unintelligent.”

Damen wished he could dissolve into the couch.“I already told you.”

“To my utter vexation, Nicaise would rather cut off his hand than live life without you in it.He’s managed to impart that much.What that tells me is that he’s not actually capable of blackmailing you.So, yet again, I ask you, what the fuck are you doing here?”

Damen’s immediate impulse was to start arguing, to defend himself from the accusations clear in Laurent’s tone, but it was what he would’ve done when they were dating and that hadn’t worked.The one thing he’d managed to learn after two years living alone, being single, and fending for himself, was that almost everything worked out better when he stayed true to himself, to his kindness and honesty.So, in a low, subdued tone, Damen said, “Something stupid.”

Laurent rolled his eyes.“That much is apparent.”

“Well what do you think is happening, Laurent?Since I’m not the only intelligent person in this room, you must be aware that something changed at the wedding.”

“Oh, yes, I do love it when my exes drunkenly shout at me.”

Barreling ahead, Damen said, “And today in the bookshop.”Damen felt Nicaise perk up beside him, ready for new information.

“Do tell.”

“I know you.I spent months learning how to read every goddamn twitch of muscle in your face.It was the only way I could tell what you were thinking, after all.”Sensing that he was getting off topic, Damen took a small break in his words to regain control, petting Luna as he did, and then continued.“I know what it means when you tense up and go quiet.I surprised you.I hit a nerve.The one labeled with my name in capital letters.”

“I don’t believe I have a nerve of that kind.”

“You can’t fucking lie to me, Laurent.”

Something swept through Laurent’s eyes and while Damen wasn’t quick enough to catch it, he already knew what it was.Fear.Somehow, in typical Laurent fashion, his voice was hard and controlled when he said, “So what you’re telling me is that you’ve adopted the same fantastical notion my nephew has?”

“If his fantastical notion involves us trying again, then yes.”

Laurent nodded.“Do you know what I remember about today?”

“What?” Damen asked warily.

“A very explicit statement that you didn’t ever want to see me again.”

“That was before you ran away.”

Laurent let out a small laugh of disbelief.“This is so like you,” he whispered, shaking his head.Then he raised his voice, taking on a dangerous tone, “You tore my heart from my chest and strung it up.Why in the fuck would I ever give it back to you?In what world is that something I would do?”

“You know, I do believe that your heart broke and that I had something to do with it, but if you’re under the impression that I wasn’t just as heartbroken, you would be incredibly mistaken.”

“And that makes it okay, does it?”

“Of course not, but we both did stupid shit.It’s not all on me.”

“I can’t trust you,” Laurent said simply.

It knocked the air from Damen’s lungs.He should’ve seen it coming and he couldn’t deny how utterly Laurent meant it, the honesty paralleled in his eyes, but it still hurt, the pain consuming his entire body, just like it had for at least six months after the break up.Laurent had said the same words in the apartment during The Fight and Damen realized he hadn’t meant them then because the way he said it now was different and true.Because there was nowhere else to speak from, his words came from that pain.“How do you think it feels when your boyfriend doesn’t quite believe you when you swear you aren’t fucking one of your best friends?How do you think it feels when your boyfriend believes your half-brother over you?How do you think it feels to wake up and realize you no longer have a boyfriend, even though you were pretty sure you still did?How do you think it feels to lose both of your parents, to go to a party you didn’t want to go to in search of your ex-boyfriend because he’s the only one who could possibly understand what you’re going through, thinking it will help you talk through all the misunderstandings, only to find him making out with some guy against a wall, looking supremely bored?Maybe you don’t trust me, but I don’t trust you either.All I’m asking for is the chance to rebuild the trust we once had, because I’ve been fucking miserable without you Laurent.You were it for me, I think.I just…you have to know that.If…if it’s not something you can do, that’s fine.I think I’ll actually be able to move on now that I got to say this to you.”

A long silence followed and Damen couldn’t meet anyone’s eyes.He hadn’t really meant to go that far, to talk that much, but there was no taking it back now.It sucked feeling this vulnerable in a hostile environment and the longer the silence went, the worse it felt.When Laurent finally spoke, all he said was, “How is Kastor?”

Nodding, Damen stood, helping Luna to the floor.Glancing down at Nicaise, who was furiously glaring at Laurent, Damen shook his head imperceptibly and then ruffled Nicaise’s hair.“I’ll see you soon, kid.Love you.”Then, without a word, he headed for the door.It was time to lay in bed for a couple days and watch bad daytime TV.The only reassuring thing was that he’d tried and that he knew he would be okay.

For some reason, Laurent was following him, and when he stepped outside, he turned to see Laurent holding the door, staring at him, seemingly unable to close it.Damen didn’t know why he felt compelled to answer Laurent’s question, but he said, “I don’t know how Kastor is.I haven’t spoken to him in two years.”

“Surely he doesn’t deserve that.”

Damen shrugged.“He lost me the best thing about my life.I think maybe he does.I expect I’ll see you around, Laurent, but I’ll leave you alone.I hope you find someone that you can give just as much as you gave me.”

Laurent still hadn’t closed the door, but for once, Damen didn’t ponder all the thoughts and motives behind it.Instead he gave a small smile and then trudged down the stairs and to his car.When he closed the door behind him, he slumped in his seat and closed his eyes.His chest felt heavy, but nothing was throbbing.The heaviness would disappear.He would be fine.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and before he started up his car and left, he took it out and read the text.It was from Nicaise.

_N: You’re the best person I’ve ever known, Damen.And the bravest_

_D: Don’t abandon Laurent over this.Promise me_

_N: And the kindest_

_D: Nicaise…_

_N: I promise_

 

When he got home, he considered texting Nikandros or Jokaste and telling them what had happened, but it seemed like far too much work.He would tell them tomorrow.He would break it off with Kashel tomorrow, too.Starting a fresh leaf.That sounded like the best thing to do.

Tugging off his clothes and falling naked into bed, he stared up at the ceiling and told himself tonight would be the last night he would dwell on Laurent.Thinking was another story, but he could stop himself from dwelling.

Since it was the last night, he was going to indulge.Closing his eyes, he summoned a whirl of memories and drowned in them.Laurent skinny dipping in the moonlight, Laurent whispering ‘I love you’ into his shoulder after Damen had brought him food from his favorite restaurant on a bad day, Laurent trying not to cry as he told Damen about years spent in fear of his uncle, Nicaise and Damen urging Laurent into a dance party around the apartment, Laurent agreeing to a first date after months of skirting around Damen, and one of his favorite memories, Laurent bursting into laughter halfway through sex, finally cracking under the plethora of bad puns and terrible dirty talk Damen threw his way.

He also allowed himself one more bout of pity and melancholy.Knowing Laurent was different than knowing anyone else.He’d been granted the privilege and he’d fucked it up, but no one had made him forget all the things he knew.Sometimes, he wished he could forget.It would hurt so much less if he didn’t know that few were granted with a true laugh or smile, that he had been one of the few, that Laurent preferred making breakfast in a big t-shirt and nothing else, that he was absolutely stunning in the early morning light with his hair mussed and his lips kiss-swollen.

“In another universe we did it right,” Damen whispered, before closing his eyes and letting sleep overwhelm him.

 

It was three weeks later when Damen saw him again.Jord and Nikandros were holding an impromptu movie night.In reality, it was a disguise.They were actually going to announce that they were thinking of adopting.Damen was the only one who knew, though, and he wasn’t supposed to tell. 

The announcement was the only reason he was there.Showing his support was more important than his strong desire to avoid Laurent.

He, Jokaste, Jord, Nikandros, Laurent, Lazar, and Nicaise were all crowded in the living room of the couple’s new house and both Nicaise and Jokaste kept shooting fervent glances Damen’s way, checking up on his sanity.Apart from a few sneaked glances, Damen had kept his eyes and thoughts of off Laurent.It wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t hard either.It was just like it was before, but slightly more final, thoughts of getting back together as distant as the sky.

Nikandros was currently throwing movies at people, begging someone to make a decision.There was an irritated noise from Laurent, who started throwing them right back at Nikandros, and he said, “You’re the host.Pick the damn movie, put it in the player, and sit the fuck down.”

“What’s up your ass?”

“Your incompetence.”

“Jord,” Nikandros whined.“Make him be nice.”

“Darling, pick a movie.Laurent, you know the rules.In my house, you play nice.”

Rolling his eyes, Laurent stood and left the living room, heading towards the kitchen, likely getting himself something to drink.When he left, Nicaise crawled across the floor, where he’d been sitting with Laurent, and leaned himself against Damen’s legs.“Hey, kid,” Damen said.

“Do you know why I was invited to a strange adult party?”

“I do, actually.It’s entirely my fault.I wanted to see you.”

“Sorry it’s been awhile.School got hectic and Laurent is being a dipshit.”

“Harsh.”

“We’re fighting.”

“Not about me, I hope,” Damen said.

“Of course it’s about you.I’m far from neutral about this.”

Sighing, Damen ran his fingers through Nicaise’s hair a couple of times and then said, “You need to drop it, Nicaise.”

“But…”

“You do,” Damen said firmly.

“But we were family,” Nicaise whispered.“And I want it back.”

Grimacing, Damen didn’t reply.He just kept brushing his fingers through Nicaise’s hair and hoped that a movie would start playing and soon.

Eventually, Nikandros decided on _She’s the Man_ , which earned a disparaging remark from more than one attendee, and Damen settled into watch, sharing a mixed drink with Jokaste and commenting in whispers with Nicaise.At least, until Nicaise stood ten minutes in and said, “Where the fuck is Laurent?”

Damen hadn’t even noticed he hadn’t returned.He was proud of that.“I don’t know,” he whispered back.“I’m sure he’s fine.”

“Idiots,” Nicaise mumbled to himself, walking off towards the kitchen.Ten minutes later, Nicaise was back and he murmured, “I can’t find him anywhere.”

“Stop talking,” Nikandros said.

Nicaise gave him the finger.

“What do you want me to do about it?” Damen sighed.

“Help me look for him,” Nicaise said.“This isn’t normal behavior and I’m worried.”

“Alright, fine,” Damen said, handing the mixed drink back to Jokaste, who accepted it with a slightly worried expression.He laid a hand on her shoulder briefly in reassurance and then went into the kitchen, trying to think of a place in the house Laurent would go and Nicaise wouldn’t have thought of. 

After only a few minutes, he knew.It was rather simple really.Heading to the sliding glass door that led into the backyard, Damen opened and peeked his head out to see Laurent sitting on top of the hot tub, leaning back on his hands and staring up at the sky.There were some stars, Damen noticed, but large patches of the sky were covered with clouds.

At the sound of the door sliding open, Laurent looked down.“Oh, it’s you.”

“Nicaise was worried.Are you alright?”

“Fine.”

“Okay.I’ll let him know.”Damen started to close the sliding glass door when Laurent spoke.

“Sit with me.”

It was the last thing Damen expected to hear.The words left him speechless and he had to take a minute to gather his thoughts, which were extremely confused.In fact, when he had gathered them, he was still confused.But of course he was.This was Laurent.When did he ever do anything predictable or expected?“I can’t,” Damen said.“Nicaise needs to know where you are and I don’t want to miss the movie.”

“Please.”

“You fucking suck,” Damen replied, but he stepped outside and closed the door behind him.Playing to his kinder instincts was rather unfair.Pushing himself up onto the lid of the hot tub about six inches from Laurent, he followed suit and gazed up at the sky.He kind of expected Laurent to say something, but he didn’t.

After five minutes of that, Damen sighed.“I’m going to go back inside.”

“My uncle died last night.”

Yet another unexpected topic of conversation.Apparently Laurent was looking to surprise tonight.“How?” Damen asked.

“Stroke.”

“Serves the bastard right.”

Laurent laughed breathlessly.“You’re the first person to say what I actually want to hear.”

“How many people know what he did to you?”

The inevitable tension that came from thinking or talking about the abuse Laurent suffered entered his shoulders.“Nicaise.Sort of.And you.”

“Right,” Damen replied, slipping off the hot tub and wiping his hands on his shorts.“So you’re just talking to me because there’s no one else to talk to.Not about this.”

“Entirely.”

Nodding to himself, Damen went back inside without a backward glance.He found Nicaise upstairs, searching rooms, and he said, “Laurent is outside in the backyard.Why didn’t you tell me his uncle died last night?”

“Because I knew he would tell you.”

“Another part of your diabolical plan.”

“Pretty much.I’ll stop, Damen.I will.”

“Thank you,” Damen said, giving Nicaise a small smile.“Shall we go back down to the movie?”

“You go.I’m going to go sit with Laurent for awhile.”

“Good.Someone should.”At that, he left Nicaise and returned to his spot on the couch downstairs.Jokaste slid her hand into his and squeezed lightly.

“Did you find him?” she whispered.

“Yeah.”

“Alright?”

“I don’t know,” Damen replied.Whether Jokaste was asking about Laurent or himself, the answer was the same.Reminding himself that Laurent had only allowed that moment of vulnerability because he was essentially using Damen, he settled into the couch more comfortably and focused on the movie.It was appropriately distracting.He’d been offered challenges tonight, but so far, he’d managed to keep Laurent at a distance with little accompanying guilt or unhappiness.Damen counted that as a success.

When the movie was over, most of the provided alcohol drunk, and the snacks consumed, both Nikandros and Jord stood, smiling nervously at each other.Nikandros was about to speak when Jord laid a hand on his arm and said, “Laurent and Nicaise aren’t here.”

Being the only person who knew where they were, Damen said, “I’ll go get them.”

“You don’t have to…”

“It’s fine Jord.”Damen wandered back through the kitchen and stuck his head outside.Sure enough, Laurent and Nicaise were lounging on the edge of the hot tub, talking quietly among themselves.Damen was happy to see that their fight seemed to be resolved.It would be a large understatement to say that Laurent needed Nicaise.

“Jord and Nikandros are about to make an announcement.They want you inside,” Damen said.

With a solemn nod, Nicaise slid off the hot tub and to the ground.He opened the door wider around Damen’s body and slipped past him.Laurent watched the proceedings with dark eyes in the night and then followed suit.Stepping away from the door, waiting for Laurent to get inside before he closed it, Damen expected Laurent to simply walk on by, but when he was just past Damen, he came to an abrupt stop.Not turning his head, he said, “I don’t actually know how I feel.I’m tired of losing family.Whatever family it may be.”

Because he knew Laurent, he knew exactly what he’d been offered.An apology for earlier.That was the kind of information Laurent wouldn’t offer without a reason.“Why did you tell me that?” Damen whispered, feeling his shoddily built walls starting to crumble.

Laurent’s back tensed and then after a few seconds, a decision being made, he left.Thirty seconds later, Nikandros shouted, “Damen!Where the fuck are you?Laurent and Nicaise showed up.”

Entering the living room, his eyes immediately flew to Laurent, wanting to get him alone and shake him, yell at him, hurt him…kiss him.Eyes catching on the burnished gold of Laurent’s hair in the warm lamp light, Damen murmured, vitriol in his voice, “Goddamn you.”

Everyone in the room caught his words and Jokaste stood in a rush, grabbing his hand and pulling him onto the couch.Lips against his ear, Jokaste whispered, “Not here.We’re for Jord and Nikandros.”

“What’s going on with them?” Lazar asked loudly.

“Do we need to increase our monthly talks about sensitivity and subtlety to weekly talks?” Jord said, piercing Lazar with a hard stare.

“Sorry,” Lazar mumbled, casting a lazy glance around the room.“They just don’t talk normally.Or look at each other.Or…”

“We get it,” Damen grumbled.

“Nik,” Jokaste declared, “Why don’t you tell us why you asked us here tonight?”

“An excellent idea,” Laurent said icily.Damen could tell he wanted to leave as quickly as possible.He wasn’t entirely sure whether he wanted to let that happen or he wanted to confront Laurent and demand an explanation.Either they gave a or they didn’t.Damen really needed it to be one or the other.

“It was supposed to be a celebratory mood,” Nikandros complained.

Jord took Nikandros’ hand in his and kissed the back of it gently.“Go ahead, babe.”

As though those words unlocked something in Nikandros, his eyes lit up and he declared excitedly, “Jord and I are going to adopt a child!We’re going to be parents.”

“Parents,” Laurent said flatly.

“Are you insinuating they can’t be good parents?” Damen asked, anger writhing in his belly.

“Not at all.Why on earth would you assume something like that?”

“Maybe it had something to do with…”

“Oh for god’s sake,” Nikandros yelled, glaring at both of them.While Laurent didn’t have the good grace to look ashamed, Damen did, letting his face fall and murmuring an apology.“I am so done with you two fucking everything up recently.Yes, Laurent, Damen might still be in love with you, but in reality, he just really misses you.Having you around all the time, but inaccessible drives him insane.I don’t know a goddamn thing about you, but even I can tell that you miss him, too.”

Laurent looked settled in for a fight.“I…” 

“Jord, Nicaise,” Nikandros interrupted.

“You do,” Jord whispered, his eyes sad.“I know you do.”

Nicaise flicked his eyes to Laurent, but then steeled his shoulders and said, “Yes, you do.”

“Excellent,” Nikandros said, running with the support he’d been given.“So what I suggest is you two go somewhere and hash out your goddamn problems, now fully aware that you both give a fuck about each other.”

Both Damen and Laurent started to protest and Nikandros held up a hand dramatically, as though he were a king.It did stop both of them from talking, miraculously.“If you don’t, I’ll kick you out of my house.”Then Nikandros turned to Damen and said, “Please, man.”

“But he doesn’t…”

“I don’t care.Please.”

A long silence followed and then Damen let out a breath he’d been holding and stood.If Nikandros asked it of him, he would.Besides, he was fully willing to admit that he’d been ridiculous just now.“I’ll be on the hot tub,” he murmured.

It took a few minutes, but then Laurent came out.He pulled himself up beside Damen and arranged his limbs loosely, staring up at the sky.Neither of them said anything for a very long time.When Damen realized Laurent wasn’t going to speak, he said, “I do miss you.”

“You’ve said.”

“Yes, I have,” Damen sighed, deciding to lay back.

“You’re going to make the cover fall inwards,” Laurent said.

“It’d be worth it if you got wet.”

“I do look good wet, don’t I?”

“That’s not what I…” Damen stopped, rethinking that strategy.Laurent knew what he meant.“Just forget it,” he mumbled.

“You’re angry with me.”

“Does that surprise you?”

“Not at all.It’s exactly what I wanted, after all,” Laurent said softly.

“I didn’t ever mean to hurt you.”

“But you did.”

“Yeah,” Damen said.“I suppose I can’t argue with that.”There were lots of words and topics pushing at his tongue, but he couldn’t force himself to say any of them.He had absolutely no evidence that Laurent wouldn’t shoot him down and, frankly, he was tired of being shot down.Bullet holes took a long time to heal and they typically left scars.

“You didn’t even talk to Kastor when your parents died?” Laurent asked.It was just like him to attack a conversation from an oblique angle.

“No.”

“It was a plane crash, right?”

Damen nodded, unable to actually speak.It still hurt to talk about it.A lot had happened all at once in that point of his life and he hadn’t really managed to face it properly since.Most people left him alone about it because they hadn’t experienced that sort of pain and it certainly wasn’t something he willingly thought about.

“I…” Laurent paused, the silence crackling with tension.“Even if we…”

“Don’t worry about it, Laurent.”

“No, I…I should’ve been there for you.”Damen turned his head and raised his eyebrows at Laurent, not quite believing it.“I should’ve been,” Laurent said more firmly.“I know what it’s like to lose family and I still cared about you.Even I realize…”

“What a dick move it was?”

“Yes.”

“‘Cared?’” Damen whispered, latching onto the use of the past tense.This was the heart of the conversation.It had been so hard to get the word out that it sounded gruff and low.Instantly, he wanted to take it back, positive that he didn’t want to hear the answer.He wasn’t ready.

There was a strangled noise from beside him and then Laurent whispered, “Care.”

“Where does that leave us?”

“I don’t know.”

Thinking back on the previous two years—before what was now the infamous wedding—Damen tried to understand how they had ended up here of all places.For two years they’d circled each other, like two fighters sizing up their opponent but not quite ready to engage.Damen knew what had changed for him, but he didn’t know what had changed for Laurent.Why hadn’t Laurent just continued pushing Damen away so that he wouldn’t have to face his own pain, to relive it?Why had he shown up at the bookstore?“Why didn’t this happen earlier?” Damen said.

“I didn’t…you’re hard for me to understand.I never know when you’re simply being kind because that’s what you do, or if you’re being kind because you care.It wasn’t until the wedding that I realized you still cared.”

“Of course I did.And do.There is no universe where I wouldn’t care about you, Laurent.I’m sorry.I should’ve made that clear.”

“I’m sure you did,” Laurent said.“I just didn’t want to see it.”

“Could we…would you be willing to try being friends?”

“Is that something you can do?” Laurent asked dryly.

“Yes,” Damen said, sounding more confident than he felt.“Anything that keeps you in my life.Well, in a way that doesn’t result in me getting drunk and fighting with you at my best friend’s wedding.”

Damen caught the barest hint of a smile on Laurent’s face.There was amusement in his voice when he said, “That was rather impressive, actually.I didn’t know you were capable.”

“I probably would’ve been fine if you hadn’t spoken to me while we were walking down the aisle.”

“It felt…”

“I know,” Damen interrupted.

“I still can’t believe you called Elliot a prop.”

“Who even was he?”

“Someone I know from work,” Laurent said.“Nobody, really.Which he knew.You probably didn’t need to point it out to him.”

“I did apologize.”

After a short pause, Laurent said, “We can try.I can’t promise you anything.”

“I’ll take it.”

“Do you think we’ve satisfied Nikandros’ request to ‘hash out our goddamn problems’?”

“Are you going to snipe at me again?”

“Probably.”

Damen grinned up at the stars.“That’ll do.”


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Posting a little early because it has literally been the longest fucking week of my life. I hate school so much. I want to murder it viciously.  
> I don't even know what this chapter is...I mean, I don't know what most of these chapters are, but I hope you like it  
> Thank you all for being here for this angst fest  
> Thanks to Mari, as always. You're as lovely as ever  
> Enjoy! <3

Damen woke early the next morning and realized three things.He and Laurent were friends—however that was going to work—he didn’t actually have Laurent’s phone number which seemed like a thing he should have, and he had no idea what they had actually solved last night.It had taken months for him to get Laurent to consider engaging with him in a romantic setting, so they’d been friends before, but never without the promise of more.Damen had no idea what to expect.This was, perhaps, the strangest arrangement of his life and yet, he wouldn’t give it up for anything.

Deciding to get out of bed and open up the bookshop before he worried about finding a way to ask Laurent about it, Damen got ready for work and drove in, early enough that street parking was available close by.When he got to the front door, he saw Laurent sitting down on the sidewalk in front of it, a book in one hand and a coffee in the other.For a moment, Damen just stood and watched him read in the pale light of morning, completely paralyzed.It was like Laurent to do the unexpected.He should’ve guessed.

“Hi,” he said, stepping forward and unlocking the shop.“Want to come in?”

“Please,” Laurent said, lifting himself from the sidewalk. 

When they were both inside, Damen turned and leaned against the front desk, regarding him silently.Laurent didn’t seem too concerned with his gaze, leaning past Damen, almost touching him, and placing his coffee and book beside Damen on the desk.Without a word, he went into the back and unpacked some of the boxes that had arrived the past couple of days, setting about filling the shelves.Back when they’d been dating and Damen worked on weekends, it was something he’d done when he was nervous or didn’t want to discuss something.Figuring it was best to leave him to it and let him talk when he wanted to, Damen set about making the free coffee they served for the first half of the day.It was what his father had done and he hadn’t ever bothered changing it.Running things the same way was a perfect way to honor his father’s memory.

Once that was done, he decided to help Laurent, unpacking the boxes fully and organizing them into sections of the store so that Laurent wouldn’t have to wonder back and forth.They didn’t talk, but it was wonderful to have someone here in the quiet mornings.Part of him thought he would want to keep the place if he had company like this.It was comforting, a gratifying way to ease into being a functional human being.

Stocking and counting money came next and then Damen walked to the front of the store and flipped the sign, relaxing into his chair behind the desk and training his gaze on Laurent, who was glancing at the staff picks, more intently than he had the last time he’d been in here.“You still read,” he murmured, picking up one after the other and reading the summaries.

“It became a habit.Besides, it’s often boring around here and I’m surrounded by nothing but books.”

Holding up _Neverwhere_ by Neil Gaiman, Laurent said, “This is one of my favorite books, you know.”

“I do know.That’s why I read it, actually.”

Nodding, Laurent set the book back down and approached Damen, his face smooth and unconcerned.“I thought maybe you were confused, so I came to reassure you,” he said, picking up his coffee and taking a sip.There was a brief flash of the pale expanse of his neck as he tilted his head back and Damen wondered if he could actually do this.He couldn’t deny that he’d just considered kissing the pulse point, his lips remembering the way Laurent’s fluttering pulse sped up beneath them.

“You know me well,” Damen said.

“Of course I do,” Laurent said matter-of-factly.Holding out his hand wordlessly, Damen stared at it for a moment before realizing what was being asked.He dug his phone out of his pocket and handed it over.With ease, Laurent unlocked it and then began typing in his phone number.He’d gotten a new one when they’d broken up. 

“Clearly, I should’ve changed my password,” Damen said.

“I would’ve guessed it anyway.You always pick dates.”

“Maybe I wouldn’t have.”

Laurent stared at him, unimpressed.“You are the definition of predictable, Damen.”

“And you never fail to be irritating.”

That made Laurent smile.“The one case in which I don’t mind being predictable.”Giving Damen’s phone back to him, Laurent continued by saying, “You are free to text me whenever you would like, though keep frivolous topics to a minimum.”

“I always do.”

Laurent regarded him and then said softly, “I know.”The softness slipped away quickly, though.“You can come to the house if you inform either Nicaise or I, I will go places with you when I can, but I do not expect to see you every day.Under no circumstances are you allowed to touch me unless I initiate the contact and I would prefer if you keep the flirting to a minimum.I’m aware that asking you to refrain completely is unrealistic, so I won’t.”

“I can…”

Laurent raised his eyebrows.

“Okay,” Damen sighed, “You’re probably right.But I will do my best.I want this to work, Laurent.Badly.”

“If you can follow those rules, we will be fine.Do you have any rules for me?”

“Uh…”Damen felt wrong-footed.This always happened to him.Laurent was always three steps ahead and he was just trying to keep up.“Try not to be an asshole?”

“That’s seriously the best you can do?”

“You can do whatever you’d like, Laurent,” Damen sighed.

“Hardly seems fair.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, you’re not an idiot.Stop pretending to be oblivious.You know perfectly well that if you randomly decided to kiss me, I wouldn’t say no.”

“Damen…”

“There’s no sense in lying.”

“If you can’t…”

“I can,” Damen said firmly.He had to.

Taking a deep breath, Laurent laughed humorlessly.But he didn’t retract the offer on the table.“This is a terrible idea,” he murmured.

“Nobody said you have to do it.”

Laurent grimaced.“Yes, well…”

“You missed me, too,” Damen grinned, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest, the light flush spreading across Laurent’s cheeks not escaping his attention.It was lovely and Damen was pleased he’d gotten to see it again.It clearly irritated Laurent that his body gave away something he didn’t wish to, because his eyes emptied of all emotion.

“Did that break a rule?” Damen asked carefully.

“No.You were simply stating a fact.”

“That’s a dangerous game, Laurent.”

“Think I don’t want to face the truth?” he asked.

If he wasn’t careful, this was going to turn into an argument.He could see it in Laurent’s eyes, which were emphatically declaring that Damen was treading on uneven ground.In the past, it was something he wouldn’t have let go, but that was part of the reason they’d landed here.“I wasn’t insinuating what you thought I was.”

Laurent stared at him curiously, an expression he’d given Damen a lot when they’d been getting to know each other, as though something about how he acted was incongruous with Laurent’s image of him.“It’s not like you to lie,” Laurent said.

Groaning, Damen stared up at the ceiling.“Would you prefer me to say that there’s definitely a truth you don’t want to face?Because I can.”

“I would, actually.”

“Then forget I said what I said.”He could feel it, the inexorable rise of heat in his chest, the inevitability of a fight.This was one thing they wouldn’t lose, at least.

But, to his surprise, Laurent didn’t engage.“Whether there is or not,” he began, “it doesn’t change anything.I…I can’t be in a romantic relationship with you, Damen.I can’t.”After that, he sighed.“And I really have to get to work.I will see you soon, I expect.”

“That was honest,” Damen said, shock infiltrating his voice.

“We both made mistakes.If this gets fucked up again, I don’t want it to be for the same reasons.That would be negligent.”

At that, Damen smiled.Very carefully, Laurent returned the smile.It wasn’t Damen’s favorite, loose and fearless, but it was genuine, nonetheless.Damen’s stomach unmistakably fluttered.“Have a good day at work,” he said.

“You too.”

“I’ll die of boredom, probably.”

There was a breath of laughter and then Laurent said, “Maybe I’ll check up on you during my lunch break.”

“I could stay alive for that.”

Laurent headed for the door, but he paused right before he left.“Damen?”

“Yeah?”

“Nicaise mentioned that you wanted to sell this place.”

“I’ve been considering it, anyway.”

“Don’t.”Then he opened the door, the bell clanging, and was gone.Blinking, Damen stared at the door for a moment, trying to understand what had just happened, not quite believing that Laurent had actually been here, helping him open, and talking about all sorts of previously untouchable topics.

Not that it was actually a surprise.Damen had known that if they ever managed to reconnect in any way, that things would progress quickly.They simply knew too much about each other for it to be another way.It also meant, however, that they were in danger of irreparably destroying everything.Damen preferred stability in his relationships.He had had stability with Laurent once, though, and he thought, given time and luck, they could achieve it again.

 

Laurent’s version of checking up on him was a text sent in the middle of the afternoon, but it was enough.More than enough.

_L: Have you died?_

_D: Not quite_

_L: Tell me, what are the typical symptoms when dying of boredom?I might be experiencing something similar myself._

_D: Homicidal tendencies, lethargy, slowly losing one’s mind, etc._

_L: Sounds familiar._

_D: You love your job_

_L: I do._

_D: But…_

_L: This bridge is eluding me.I’ve been staring at it for hours._

_D: If I knew anything about architecture I would try and help, but I’m as useless in that as I was two years ago_

_L: Didn’t go read architectural books while you were pining?Surely some part of you brain thought you could woo me with fancy words you didn’t know the meaning of half as well as I do._

A customer came to the desk while Damen was considering a response, so he set his phone down and rang them up, plastering his best smile on and chatting amiably for a little while.She was friendly and had a cute kid trailing her, one who was more than interested in superheroes.The best parts of his day were when customers stayed and talked, so he didn’t pressure them to leave, even though he was hanging Laurent out to dry.

When they left and he returned to the conversation, he saw that another text had arrived.

_L: I knew there were limits._

_D: I should’ve known you would test that.But I stand by what I said.No rules_

_L: You’re telling me that comment sat well with you._

_D: Not necessarily, but if it really bugs me, I’ll just be angry with you.I don’t have a problem doing that_

_L: Do you think you’ll kill me first or I’ll kill you first?_

_D: That’s easy.I won’t kill you, so…_

_L: Can I ask something?It’s personal._

_D: Easier over text, isn’t it?Even easier to just say nothing and have other people text for you_

_L: Do not drag our break up into this_

_D: Sorry_

_L: Are you still in love with me?_

_L: I’m asking because Nikandros doesn’t have a direct plug into your brain and because when you yourself insinuated you did, you were rather drunk._

_D: Is it important that you know?_

_L: I’m trying something called open communication and honesty._

_D: Then how about I ask you something first_

_L: Fine._

_D: If I am, do I have any hope?_

_L: You ask incredibly dumb questions._

_L: I don’t know._

_D: I don’t know, either.I don’t know how to describe what you are to me_

_L: Very well._

As he pondered a response to that, Damen realized he didn’t even ask the question he really wanted to ask, the one he had been asking himself for a long time.Since Laurent was currently trying to be open, something that Damen knew was subject to change when trust wasn’t given, he figured he should ask now.

_D: How did we do this to each other?_

_L: I don’t know._

_D: I didn’t want to_

_L: I didn’t either._

Damen practically dropped his phone, he was so surprised.He hadn’t actually expected Laurent to agree with that sentiment.While the break up had been happening, it felt as though Laurent knew exactly what he was doing, but apparently, Damen had been wrong.Searching his mind for an answer, Damen realized something he hadn’t before.All this time, he’d assumed it had all become to much for Laurent and he’d run away purposefully, attempting to deal fatal damage on the way out.But that wasn’t true.Maybe it had been too much for Laurent, but it was entirely likely that when Damen had stormed out of his apartment, he’d been scared.Maybe he’d wanted to stay, he just hadn’t known how.A fundamental hurt in Damen shifted at the thought.

 

Two days later, after limited contact with Laurent, Damen invited everyone over for dinner and an informal game of soccer in his backyard.While he hadn’t received a direct yes from Laurent, Nicaise informed him that Laurent was definitely coming.

They were due over in a half hour.Nikandros was already present, helping with cleaning and cooking, both of which he was largely shit at.But he made up for it, mostly, in how hard he tried.

“Nik, stop checking the potatoes.The more you open the oven, the longer it’s going to take,” Damen said, picking up pillows from the floor and arranging them on the couch.He tried a few different combinations, before simply tossing them into the corners.Aesthetically pleasing arrangements were not his strong suit.

“I could cook the sausage,” he offered.

Walking into the kitchen, Damen opened up one of the cherry red cabinets and pulled out a pan he hadn’t thrown out for this very reason.Crusty black goo was stuck on the sides.“This is what happened last time you tried to cook sausage,” Damen said.“Remember?”

“Maybe I’m better now,” Nikandros said, not looking particularly convinced himself.

“No, you’re not.”

Nikandros huffed and crossed his arms.“Well, if you don’t let me do something, I’ll get bored and I’ll start messing up all that cleaning you’ve done.”

“Fine.I was about to go scrub the toilet in the downstairs bathroom.Go for it.”

“I’m not your fucking maid.”

Damen just stared at Nikandros, who eventually sighed.“Yes, I see your point,” he mumbled.“Fine.I’ll go scrub the toilet.Anything else you want done, Your Highness?”

Opening up the cabinet beneath his sink, Damen tossed Nikandros a bottle of Windex and a roll of paper towels.“Wipe down the mirror while you’re at it.”

“I’m never coming over early again.”

“You always say that.”

“You’re right.The only solution is to stop being your friend.”

Damen laughed and started shoving Nikandros towards the bathroom.

“Don’t laugh, I might be serious.”

“You wouldn’t last a day without me.”

“I so would.”

“Who would you call if you and Jord were fighting?” Damen asked, leaning on the doorjamb of the bathroom and watching Nikandros look in the toilet with an expression of apprehension, as though it were the bottom of a cliff he was about to jump down.

“Jokaste?”

“I’m calling bullshit on that one.”

“Yeah, yeah.Go cook your damn food.I’ll be fine.”

Smiling, Damen wandered back to the kitchen and started cooking the sausage himself.They were having a relatively simple pasta dish, because it was easy and didn’t take extra work to make substantially bigger. 

The fumes from the cooking sausage infiltrated the room and Damen breathed it in, sighing happily.It was the first time he’d hosted any sort of social event in this house.Up until now, it had been his place to get away from everything and everyone.It felt nice to open it up to his friends.The house was too big and too lonely to continue being what it had been.His parents certainly would’ve wanted it to be filled with good company.

“Nik,” Damen yelled, as his eyes scanned the kitchen, “Where did you put the bottles of wine you brought?”

“They’re in my car.”

“Keys?”

“On the counter.”

Searching, he found them underneath an empty plastic bag.He grabbed them and walked to the front door, opening it and practically stepping directly into Laurent who had been about to knock.They both stared at each other cautiously and then Laurent said, “Well, I must say, you have impeccable timing.Tell me, do you have a radar in that brain of yours set to sense my presence?”

“Ha ha,” Damen laughed mockingly.Noticing Nicaise, he said, “Hey, kid.There’s pasta in there cooking on the stove.Do you think you could watch it when you get inside?”

“Sure.Where are you going?”

“Nowhere.I’m just fetching the bottles of wine Nik brought.”

“Whatever team I’m on is going to win,” Nicaise sighed, stepping past Damen.

“What makes you say that?” Damen called out after him.

“You can bet I’m going to find a way to get you all drunk.”

Laughing, Damen turned his attention back to Laurent who was looking pensive.“Want to help me get the wine since you’re early?”

“Alright,” Laurent said.Side by side, they strolled to Nikandros’ car—a sleek, black Lexus—that was parked in the street and Damen unlocked it, reaching into the car through the front door to pop the trunk.

Laurent grabbed three bottles of wine and situated them in his arms, leaving the twelve-pack of beer for Damen to pick up.As he did, Damen said, “It’s not like you to be this early.”

“Nicaise wouldn’t remind me where you lived.Said I should remember.I was relatively confident I could find it, but I left early in case I got lost.”

“You didn’t get lost.”

After a momentary pause, Laurent said, “No.”

Slamming the trunk closed, Damen bit his lip to stop himself from smiling, figuring Laurent wouldn’t appreciate it.They went back inside the house and Laurent followed Damen into the kitchen.In a mellow voice, he said, “It looks the exact same.”He must’ve peered into the living room, because he continued by saying, “You haven’t even switched out the pictures on the mantle.Strange to have a picture of Kastor when you aren’t even talking to him.”

Damen shrugged, unsure what to say.

“I do believe it’s your house now, Damen.”

“I guess.”

Laurent piled the bottles on the counter with a series of clanks.Glancing quickly around the kitchen, Damen noticed Nicaise wasn’t there.He was probably down in the basement with the record player and pool table.“Please tell me this disturbs someone other than myself,” Laurent said, interrupting Damen’s thoughts.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Damen said, tearing open the cardboard and taking out the cans of beer for something to do.It wasn’t just that he didn’t want to talk about it with Laurent, he didn’t want to talk about it with anyone.Both Jokaste and Nikandros had mentioned, in fact, how creepy the house was, but that was as much as he’d ever allowed them to say.

“Interesting,” Laurent said, probably not missing the double meaning in the words.

Damen glanced up at him to see a tell-tale sparkle in Laurent’s eyes, one that indicated he had found a soft spot he could exploit.Whether he would exploit it or not was a different matter and so Damen didn’t look away from him, wondering what he would do.

Their stare down was interrupted by Nikandros walking in, halfway through a sentence.“…weren’t even specks on the mirror.I think you’re just trying to get rid of me.”When he saw what he had walked in on, his voice maintained the same irritated tone.“Friends.You two decided to be friends.Stop staring at each other like gladiators in a pit.”

“He doesn’t talk about his parents,” Laurent said, a slight lilt at the end indicating he wanted verification from Nikandros.

“No,” Nikandros replied awkwardly.“We’ve tried, but he was also beat up about you and…”

“And the longer it went on, the harder it got,” Laurent finished.“That is how these things work.I would know.”

“Stop talking about me like I’m not here,” Damen mumbled, putting the cans one by one into the fridge.

“Sorry, man,” Nikandros said.“Do you want help putting food on the table?”

“Please.”

When he left the room with the platter of roasted potatoes in hand, heading to the dining room which housed the only table in the house large enough to seat everyone, Laurent stepped around the counter until he was right beside Damen, picking up a spoon and tasting the sauce for the pasta.“Not enough salt,” he murmured.“You never put enough salt in.”

Wordlessly, Damen fetched salt from the pantry and handed it over.

“You know…” Laurent began.

“Drop it,” Damen interrupted.

“Why should I?I believe I’ve said the same thing to you before and you didn’t listen.”

“And that was my mistake,” Damen whispered.

“Is that your attempt at an apology?”

“No.I am sorry about that, though, which I would’ve told you the next morning if you hadn’t broken up with me.”

Laurent sighed.“You were the one who said…”

“Let’s not talk about this, either.”Damen didn’t need to be reminded of what he had said.

Setting down the wooden spoon he’d used to stir in more salt, Laurent turned and leaned back against the counter, tilting his head in an attempt to meet Damen’s eyes.“We’ve left it too long.We’ve left all of it too long, just like you’ve left mourning your parents too long.”

“Excuse me if I don’t listen to the advice of a man who can’t talk about anything sensible without saying something hurtful.”

“That is not fair,” Laurent snapped.

Damen winced, knowing it wasn’t.Once Laurent had dropped his walls, had let Damen in, the conversations revolving the death of Auguste, the abuse Laurent suffered at the hands of his uncle, the attempts to work out the kinks of sex had all been honest and forthright, Laurent hurting himself more than he’d ever hurt Damen.And then there were the flirtatious and intimate conversations where Laurent had done the exact opposite of hurt.Sometimes, it was hard to remember just how sweet and generous he could be. 

It was lucky their conversation had come to a brief stop, because Nikandros had wandered back in to collect more food for the table.He shot both of them undisguised glares as he picked up a basket of rolls and a plate with butter. 

When he left, Damen whispered, “I’m sorry.I can’t talk about them.I don’t know how.”

“That’s apparent,” Laurent said, still irritated.“Did it ever occur to you that I might know how to?”

“We weren’t talking at all as of a month ago.”

“The first thing I suggest doing is buying your own fucking furniture.Have a garage sale.Get rid of everything you don’t use,” Laurent said, smoothly ignoring Damen’s comment.

“That’s a lot of work.”

“I’ll help you.”

“Really?” Damen said, taken aback by the offer.

“Yes.Isn’t that the sort of thing friends do?If I’m mistaken, I can withdraw the offer.”

“I just…”

“Didn’t expect me to actually be your friend?”

“Sort of,” Damen admitted.“I didn’t know what to expect.I still don’t.”

It looked as though Laurent was going to say something, but then Nikandros was back again.This time he didn’t glare, likely seeing expressions on Laurent and Damen’s faces that were more to his liking.“What next?” he asked.

Laurent handed him the entire Morton salt container.“For the inevitable moment I will need it.”

Nikandros raised his eyebrows, but didn’t argue.As he walked away, the tension cracked and Damen burst into laughter, using the kitchen counter to keep himself standing as he doubled over.A few seconds later, Laurent’s laughter joined in and if Damen had been capable of stopping, he would’ve, because that was the sound he’d missed most of all.Still, it melded and harmonized with his and that was good enough.

When the laughter tapered out, their eyes met, and Damen felt the urge to make a mistake.Laurent’s eyes were so blue and so bright and his lips were still parted, coming out of a laugh.Once upon a time, it would’ve been a perfect moment for a kiss.Incapable of remaining completely sane, Damen said, “God, did I miss that sound.”

Laurent was staring at Damen as though he were waiting for something.He even stepped a little closer and Damen heard his breath hitch slightly.

That was when the doorbell rang.Closing his eyes, Damen laughed breathlessly and then headed for the front door, letting in Jokaste, Lazar, and Pallas who had all arrived together.Damen didn’t know Pallas all that well, but he’d insisted Lazar bring his boyfriend so they could have even soccer teams. 

“You have a nice home,” Pallas said, pulling Lazar inside with him.

“Thanks,” Damen smiled.“It’s nice to have people in it.”

“Quite nice, actually,” Pallas continued, staring into the office beside the front door and then taking in the grandness of the foyer and chandelier.“How can you afford this?”

“Inheritance.”

“Ah, that explains a lot.Have you been here before, babe?”

“Once or twice.”

“Show me around.”

They immediately started up the stairs, hands still clasped and Damen felt the need to shout after them, “Please don’t have sex on my bed.”

At the top of the stairs, Lazar flashed him a grin and said, “What about against the wall?”

Damen flipped him off with a hoarse laugh and then slid his eyes down to Jokaste, who smiled and said, “I saw Laurent’s car.How’s the friend thing going?”

“Fuck if I know.”

“At least it’s progress, right?”

“Right.Could you do something for me?”

“Of course,” she said easily.

“Could you go down to the basement and bring Nicaise up?Dinner is pretty much ready.”

“I’m on it.”

“Thank you.”

A smaller staircase just off the main one led down and Damen watched Jokaste descend it before strolling back into the kitchen where Nikandros and Laurent were chatting.It was a strange sight.Ever since the break up, they generally avoided each other.

“You know,” Nikandros said, when he saw Damen, “He’s got a point about the house.Ninety percent of it is white and gray.You like color.”

“Are you two seriously bonding over my bad coping habits?”

“Entirely,” Laurent said with a flat smile.

Before Nikandros could respond, expression once again guilty, the doorbell rang and he burst into a smile.“My husband has arrived,” he declared needlessly, running off to the door.Laughing, Damen watched him, happy to see his best friend happy.

“I pulled the pasta of the stove and drained it,” Laurent said.

“God, I totally forgot about the pasta.Thank you.”

Neither one of them said a word, but they started to assemble the dish.Laurent grabbed a large bowl Damen didn’t even know he had and poured the pasta in.Damen turned off the stove, stirred the tomato sauce one last time and handed the pan over to Laurent from across the kitchen, their fingers brushing lightly as Laurent gripped the handle and Damen let go.Then, knowing Laurent would want basil sprinkled on top, he found some dried basil in his pantry and had it ready.It didn’t even earn him a pause in surprise, Laurent accepting it effortlessly.The next second, Damen had mixing spoons ready and Laurent took them, giving the basil back.

When it was ready, cheese grated, Laurent picked up the bowl and they both turned around to see Jokaste and Nicaise watching them with wide eyes.“What?” Damen asked.

Laurent seemed to understand what because he flushed lightly and then left for the dining room without a word.Jokaste just shook her head and followed him.Only Nicaise stayed, suddenly bursting into laughter at Damen’s bemused expression.

“Are you going to explain what just happened?”

“You two are so domestic,” Nicaise cooed, nudging Damen with his elbow.

Blinking, Damen realized they had been.He hadn’t even noticed.It had been so easy to fall into that routine with him, just as though they’d never stopped.Feeling his own flush spread across his cheeks, Damen stared down at the ground and wondered how Laurent was feeling right now.It was clear evidence that neither he or Laurent had any idea what they were doing.

Except, Laurent always knew what he was doing.Despite how glad Damen was that they were attempting to be friends, he realized just how insane it was that Laurent had agreed to any such thing.It simply wasn’t like him.It was far from pragmatic.

“What the fuck is Laurent doing?” Damen mumbled to himself.It didn’t escape Nicaise’s notice, though, and he laughed humorlessly.

“I know it can be hard to forget, but he is human.”

“He missed me that badly?” 

Nicaise nodded earnestly.“You have no idea.”

 

Dinner was a loud affair.Nicaise hadn’t been lying about getting them all drunk.He ran around filling everyone’s glasses when they were close to empty, sometimes without them even noticing.Laurent, of course, had none, so he was sober, but once all the food was gone Nikandros and Lazar were in a rambunctious fight over who was going to win the English Premier League this year, Jord and Jokaste were singing early 2000’s pop songs, Laurent and Nicaise were watching with mild amusement, and Damen was leaning back in his chair, reveling in the noise, pleasantly warm and brain fuzzy.

“Time for soccer,” Nicaise declared.

“This should be entertaining,” Laurent murmured, shooting Damen an exasperated look.

“You are playing, right?” Damen asked, unsure how he was supposed to interpret that glance.His brain simply couldn’t work it out currently.

Standing, Laurent toed off his shoes and then removed his socks, stuffing them inside the shoes.“Yes.And I’m on whatever team you’re not.Bring it on.”

 

After some wrangling, they all piled into the backyard.Laurent’s shoes were used as one goal marker and Nicaise’s as the other.Once Laurent argued it wouldn’t be fair if some had shoes on and some didn’t, everyone took of their own and then they started to play, Damen, Lazar, Jord, and Nikandros on one team and Laurent, Nicaise, Jokaste, and Pallas on the other.While Damen’s team was comprised entirely of people who actually played, the other team was significantly less drunk.It seemed a fair way to divide them.

Within seconds from kicking the ball into play, it was a mess.Jord slipped and toppled over and started laughing hysterically, Nikandros joined him because that was what he did, and then it was just Damen and Lazar guarding the goal from the other team, who were grinning in delight, knowing they already had a goal in the bag.

There was a quick pass from Nicaise to Laurent.Damen knew that Laurent hadn’t grown up playing soccer, had rarely played at all in fact, but he managed to keep the ball under control, thanks to his superior athletic ability, something you wouldn’t assume just by looking at him.He passed the ball quickly, though, knowing he wasn’t the person who should have the ball.It landed at Pallas’ feet.Damen attempted to make a kick for the ball while shouldering into Pallas’ chest, but Pallas managed to pass it to Nicaise who scored after perfuming a darting move against Lazar.

“You two,” Damen shouted, wobbling slightly as he strolled over to Jord and Nikandros who were giggling and exchanging lazy kisses.“Get the fuck up.We’re already losing.”

“What?” Nikandros yelled, springing to his feet and then falling over into Damen, not catching his feet fast enough.“That is unacceptable.”

“I know, you dumbass.Get your goddamn head in the game.”

At that, Jokaste and Jord broke into “Get’cha Head in the Game” from _High School Musical_. 

“Why am I friends with any of you?” Lazar groaned, rubbing his eyes.

“If one of you doesn’t kick this ball off in another ten seconds, I’m just going to pretend you did,” Laurent said dryly.

That snapped Nikandros into attention and he ran over to the ball, kicking it back to Damen.Blinking, Damen managed to regain enough control to dribble down the field, passing it to Lazar when Jokaste ran at him.

It was going well until Jokaste, Laurent, and Nicaise mounted an intelligent defense, one Pallas was left out of only because Lazar had run into him and they’d crashed to the ground.Unlike Jord and Nikandros, they probably weren’t worth rallying.Once they were touching, they wouldn’t stop.Especially when drunk.

Nicaise and Laurent double-teamed Damen, knocking the ball from him quicker than they normally would’ve been capable of and then Laurent purposefully tripped him while Nicaise ran after the ball.Taking his chances, hoping either Jord or Nikandros could handle Nicaise and Jokaste, Damen latched onto Laurent’s arm and brought him down with him.

They crashed into the ground, limbs tangling, and Laurent gasped softly, the air knocked out of him.Together, they took a moment to gather themselves and then Laurent rolled his head over, hair falling across his face, the sunlight unfairly hitting him at a lovely angle, and said, “That was a foul.”

“You fouled me first,” Damen breathed, startled by just how close Laurent was.This wasn’t a degree of closeness he’d ever imagined he’d get again.His muddled brain wasn’t helping things and he sat up quickly before he did something stupid, the world spinning slightly.

“I scored!” Nicaise shouted and Damen groaned, hanging his head.They were definitely going to lose.

“You’re going to lose,” Laurent said happily, cementing the fact.

“Like hell I am,” Damen said, standing.For a moment, he thought about leaving Laurent there to pick himself up, but that thought was quickly overruled by the desire to touch Laurent.Sticking out his hand, he waited to see if Laurent would take it.

“Goddammit, Damen, leave him in the dirt.We’ve got a game to win,” Nikandros said.

Since Laurent hadn’t taken his hand yet, Damen shrugged and began to move away, only for his hand to be grasped, hard.A jolt went up his arm and down his spine.Spinning back, Damen helped Laurent from the ground.They were standing so close and Laurent wasn’t moving away and it was all too much.Dropping Laurent’s hand, Damen was across his yard in a flash, taking the ball from Nikandros and starting down the field.His team rallied around him and they began to pull back.

The sun was setting by the time they finished, Damen’s team losing eleven to nine.The wine drunkenness had quickly led into lethargy and Laurent’s team was much fresher, killing any chance they had.They all tramped inside, couples leaving one by one until it was just Jokaste, Laurent, and Nicaise.

Jokaste gripped Damen’s arm and said, “I’m going to go.This was fun.”

“Helps when you win, I bet.”

“It does,” she grinned.Then, extending to the tips of her toes, her lips met his ear and she whispered, “Be careful with Laurent.He wants to be here but I think he’s also waiting anxiously for you to fuck up.Don’t fuck up.”

“I won’t,” he whispered.

“Good.”Then she headed to the front door.

“Whispering.How intimate.”

“Laurent,” Damen said, “I swear to god, if you still think that I was fucking her, that I’ve fucked her anytime in the past five years, I’m going to punch something.Hopefully not you, but I can’t make promises.”

“Hey now,” Nicaise said.

“I don’t,” Laurent said.“I never did.Not really.”

“Then why in the hell did we start fighting about it?” Damen asked, feeling another small shift inside him at the revelation. 

“Okay,” Nicaise said, drawing out the ‘y’.“This is not happening right now.Do I need to remind either of you what happened last time you tried this while Damen was drunk?There was yelling.And general embarrassment.”

“Nicaise is right,” Laurent said.“Text me in the morning, Damen.We’ll work out a time to start organizing a garage sale.”

“I will,” Damen sighed, suddenly bone-tired.

Nicaise walked forward and hugged Damen.“This was fun.Do it again sometime.”

“Next time I’ll whoop your ass,” Damen said, grinning.

“In your wildest dreams.”

They let go of each other and then Damen smiled at Laurent.“Thank you for coming.Seriously.”

“You’re welcome,” Laurent said, considering Damen.Damen was about to ask why he was being stared at like an animal in a zoo, when Laurent closed the distance between them and laid a hand on Damen’s bicep, squeezing gently before heading towards the door.Following, Damen waved them goodbye and then closed the door, leaning his forehead against it to counteract the spinning.

Nonsensically, he thought: _I miss Laurent._


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so commences the stage of updating where I just update whenever the fuck I feel like it.  
> I have nothing else to add other than I love you all dearly and I love Mari to the moon and back  
> Enjoy! <3

Over a fragmented conversation spanning most of the work day, Damen and Laurent decided that Laurent would come over on Saturday, early in the morning, to help Damen sort through all the junk, come up with prices, and move larger items out onto the driveway.At first, Damen had protested that it was too fast a turn around, but Laurent argued that if he gave himself time to think about it, he wouldn’t ever do it.Seeing the truth in the statement, Damen agreed.

In the days that followed before the weekend, Damen did not see Laurent once.He hadn’t yet become accustomed to seeing Laurent on a regular basis, but he knew that adjustment was coming and he could only hope that Laurent would want to see him just as often.Damen did have Nicaise over once, but most evenings he spent in his living room staring at the art, furniture, and other such decor and necessities that his parents had lovingly and thoughtfully filled their home with.He knew Laurent was right, that everyone who had brought it up with him was right, but it would be painful to watch all of this stuff be sold to strangers who didn’t know it’s history.On the very couch he was sitting on, he’d had his first honest-to-god make out session with Laurent, as one example.

It also occurred to him that Kastor should be told what was happening, so that he could come grab anything he might want.But it had been two years and Damen had very little interest in breaking the silence.Just like with everything else, he decided he could worry about it on Saturday, when it would have to be faced.

But then, Saturday actually came and Damen wasn’t ready.Laurent was due to arrive at any time and Damen was doing his third walkthrough of the house, trying to come up with a single item he could confidently say he wanted to get rid of.He couldn’t.

The doorbell rang and Damen trudged to the door, stepping aside for Laurent.For once, his thoughts weren’t overwhelmed with Laurent at the sight of him.His worries remained at the forefront.

“You’re panicking,” Laurent said, simply stating a fact.

“Am I?” Damen said.“I don’t really know.All I know is that I’ve been through this house three times and I want to keep all of it.”

“Okay,” Laurent sighed, walking past Damen and to the living room.He sat down on the couch and patted the seat beside him.“I thought this might happen.Sit.Talk.”

Damen sat and stared at Laurent, waiting for him to start the conversation instead.He had no idea what to say, after all.

Running his hand back and forth on the couch, the gray fabric getting lighter and then darker and then lighter again with each stroke, Laurent asked, “Do you like this couch?”

“Of course.I spilled milk here.And coffee there.My mom would watch TV here.We made out along here and…”

“That is not what I mean,” Laurent said calmly, despite the slight flush in his cheeks.“Do you like this couch, Damen?Is this something you would see in a store and say, ‘That is the perfect couch.’”

“Who cares?”

“It’s a simple yes or no question.”

“I wouldn’t ever look at a couch and want it.I mean, not when faced with ten other couches, anyway.A couch is a couch.”

“Yes or no?”

“Probably not,” Damen mumbled.

“Excellent.Then it goes.It’s in pretty good shape, so we could probably get a hundred dollars for it, though we might have to settle for fifty if…”

“Hey, wait, I didn’t actually agree to sell it.”

“These are your parents things, Damen, not yours, and it is not helping you to have them around.They need to go.If you’re going to live here, you need to make it yours.”

“I just…”Damen looked down at his hands.“This is harder than it should be.”

Something softened in Laurent’s eyes and he reached out, paused, and then let his hand drop lamely onto the cushions.“I know,” he said.

“My parents are dead, Laurent.They died in a fucking plane crash.A freak accident.These things aren’t anyone’s, because they aren’t here to claim them and yet, it’s all I have left.What if, when I get rid of these things, I start forgetting things about them?God, I can hardly remember their faces as it is.”Bending his head lower until it was in his hands, Damen realized he was crying.It was strange.In the two years since they’d died, he hadn’t cried once.He’d cried about Laurent and then he’d been cried out.Thinking about that only made him feel worse and he murmured into his hands, “I didn’t even cry for them.I spent three months crying myself to sleep about you, but I couldn’t manage it for them.The least I can do is keep their fucking things.”

A cold hand gripped his wrist and he glanced up to see Laurent gazing at him, expression pained.With his other hand, he swiped his thumb across Damen’s cheek and caught some of the tears.“Don’t feel guilty,” he murmured.“I know you miss them and so do they.”

“I think I missed you more and you weren’t even dead.”

Laurent was silent for a moment and then he said, “Auguste died before my parents did.”

“I know.”

“By the time my parents died, I was numb.A part of me knew that it mattered they were gone, that it wrenched my already torn heart apart even further, but at the same time, it didn’t seem to matter at all.Auguste was gone.What else could possibly matter?”

“He actually died, though,” Damen said.

“What I’m trying to say is that grief makes absolutely no sense.There are no rules and it’s never pretty and it never makes you feel good.It’s entirely possible that you avoided facing their death by focusing all your attention on me and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that.It’s how you coped.”

“I heard a but in there.”

Laurent smiled, swiping his thumb again and wiping away more tears.“True.I was half-lying.The fact that you didn’t actually deal with your grief at all was rather idiotic of you.Not that I would expect anything less.”

With a watery laugh, Damen whispered, “You’re being nice, you know.”

“I hate seeing you cry.It’s incongruous.I promise, when you stop crying, I’ll go right back to being an asshole.”

“That’s the last thing I want.”

Sighing, Laurent removed his hand from Damen’s cheek, wiping his wet hand on his jeans.“Are you not up for this today?If you aren’t, I should go.”

“Don’t leave.”

“Fine.But if I’m not leaving, we’re doing this.”

“Okay.”

“Do you have duct tape and a sharpie?”

Damen nodded, scrubbing his own face free of tears.“In the office, I’m sure.If there’s no duct tape there, there’ll be some in the garage.”

Nodding, Laurent stood and wandered off.While he was gone, Damen took deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself.This wasn’t what he’d had in mind for the day.Showing vulnerability in front of Laurent was always dangerous, although Damen thought it was likely this was the one thing Laurent would never dream of using against him.He intimately understood missing family.

A few minutes later, Laurent was back, armed with duct tape and a sharpie.Writing a price on a torn off piece of tape, he stuck it to the arm of the couch and then pointed to the coffee table Damen had his feet on.“What about this?”

“I don’t want to go buy a new one,” Damen complained.

“Is that your only qualm?”

“Yes.”

Laurent slapped down a new piece of tape on the edge.He gradually worked his way through the living room, asking Damen for his thoughts on each item.Only the TV and the large piece of woodwork holding it up stayed.After that, Damen followed Laurent into the kitchen, where he started asking about plates.

“Really?Plates?”

Laurent shrugged.“They’ll sell.And they’re ugly, in all honesty.I can find you better ones.”

“Fine.”

It was when they got to mugs and Laurent was showing him one with a black dog on it that Damen remembered Kastor.That had been his favorite mug in high school.Slumping down into the counter, where he was sitting, Damen covered his eyes with his arms and let out a low groan.There was a heavy sigh from Laurent, the clacking of ceramic on granite, and then he said, “Are you crying again?Over a mug?”

“No.”

“Then stop moping.”

“Kastor,” Damen mumbled.

“What?”

“It’s Kastor’s.”

There was a long silence and then Laurent’s hand was in the front pocket of his jeans.Damen flinched violently, not expecting the touch at all, but Laurent didn’t withdraw.In fact, when Damen looked up at him, he was hardly fazed.Wrapping his fingers around Damen’s phone, he tugged it out, punched in the entrance code and then tapped on a contact.Damen could hardly believe it.He was calling Kastor.

“Kastor,” Laurent said into the phone.Even more surprisingly, Kastor had actually picked up.“Yes, it’s Laurent.”After a pause, he said, “Recently.”Then, after another, “I don’t fucking care.I’m at your brother’s house and he is selling all of your parents stuff.If there’s anything you want or give a shit about, I’d come over in the next couple hours and stake your claim.”Then he hung up and threw the phone at Damen, who caught it at the last second.

“Is he coming?” Damen whispered.

“I don’t know or care.If he does, I’ll deal with him.Now, back to the mug.”

“I don’t want it.”

“Good.”

“Laurent?”

“What?” Laurent snapped, stacking the black dog mug with all the other discarded mugs.There was a calculating look in his eyes and Damen knew he was trying to work out how he was going to transport and organize these things.

Rethinking his earlier approach, Damen simply said, “There’s flattened cardboard boxes in the garage.Do you want me to go get them?”

There was a huff of laughter and then Laurent nodded.Answering Damen’s unspoken question, he said, “Kastor attempted to apologize.Strange, really, since I’m not the one he needs to be apologizing to.”The hint of danger and anger was still in his eyes and that was when Damen realized it wasn’t directed at him, but at Kastor…or himself.

Briefly, Damen considered reassuring Laurent, but remembered that Laurent had believed his lying asshole for a brother.Not for long, but long enough.Just the thought of that moment two years ago, when Laurent had asked him about Jokaste, lighted sparks of anger in Damen’s chest.He was overly emotional.Laurent always managed to do this to him.Standing, he fled to the garage.

Instead of simply bringing up the flattened boxes as he’d intended to do, Damen stayed in the cold garage, shivering slightly, and assembling every single box, about twenty five of them, using another roll of duct tape to close the ends.Of course, when he finished, he stared at all the boxes and wondered how exactly he was going to get them all upstairs.It would’ve been easier unassembled.

While he considered the possibility of stacking, his phone buzzed.It was Laurent.

_L: Kastor’s here._

_D: I’m just gonna stay down in the garage a little longer_

_L: He can have whatever he wants?_

_D: Sure.Whatever_

_L: He’s asking after you._

_D: I don’t care_

_L: Dare I suggest you grow the fuck up?_

_D: I hope that’s not what you’re suggesting because then I’ll come and yell at both you and Kastor_

_L: He’s your brother, Damen.He’s the only family you have left.I know that matters to you._

_D: Maybe it doesn’t anymore.What the hell do you know?_

Stuffing his phone back into his pocket, he kicked one of the boxes and then sat down on the floor of the garage and put his head into his hands.This was a lot for a day.He knew Laurent was simply trying to help, but he wasn’t really listening to Damen’s needs, either.Or, rather, he was, but in a generally inconsiderate manner.It was probably one of his attempts to create distance, while still maintaining the status of ‘friend’.He was so exhausting.

Finding a pen in one of the boxes holding miscellaneous home improvement objects, Damen sat with his legs crossed and started drawing on the bottom of one the boxes.It was a simple stick figure but he pretended it was both Laurent and Kastor as he drew a noose around the neck.It was darkly satisfying.

“Is that supposed to be me?” Laurent’s voice asked.

“Yep,” Damen said, wondering when Laurent had learned to walk so quietly.

“It was hard to tell.There are no defining features.”

Feeling petty and childish, Damen drew a tiny dick on the figure.Not only was it entirely inaccurate, but it wasn’t pretty either.“Kastor still here?” he asked softly.

“Yes.I left him to roam.Since he can have whatever he wants, I hardly need to be there watching him.”

“The bastard’ll probably take all the cash in my wallet.”

“You could always go stop him,” Laurent said, settling himself on the floor beside Damen, limbs sprawled gracefully.Damen quickly turned his gaze back to the box and added Einstein style hair to the stick figure.

“Now you’re just being ridiculous,” Laurent murmured.

“Your bed head sometimes looks exactly like that.”

“Maybe it doesn’t anymore.”

“Don’t throw that back at me,” Damen said, adding a pit of spikes below the hanging man who looked nothing like Laurent, but Damen was still pretending did.

“Forgive me, I thought the only way I would get through to you is if I acted like a five-year-old as well.”

“I hate this.”

“What, exactly?” Laurent asked warily.

“Everything.Kastor walking through my house, you trying to get rid of my parents’ stuff, us trying to simultaneously pretend we know everything and nothing about each other.We used to have fun, you know, even when we weren’t dating.I used to make you laugh.You used to make me laugh.I’m just…I don’t know what I’m feeling but I’m about to lose my mind.”

“Alright,” Laurent said.“I’ll go get rid of Kastor, we’ll stop putting price tags on the furniture, and we’ll…we’ll do something fun.”

“I’m not sure we’re capable of that anymore.”

“We are,” Laurent whispered.“It’s entirely my fault you think we’re not.I’ll be right back.”

While Laurent was gone, Damen added arrows flying down at the stick figure, spikes to the rope, and blood dripping from one of the arrow wounds.When Laurent returned and saw the picture, he snatched the pen from Damen’s hand and wrote ‘Damen’ in large, capital letters.

“I can’t believe you commandeered my drawing,” Damen protested, snatching the pen back, capping it and throwing it into the bin it had come from.

“Yes you can.”

“Is Kastor gone?”

Laurent nodded.“He took lots of mugs and chairs.Oh, and a rug.He wanted more, but I told him he could come back later if you allowed him.I won’t make that executive decision next time.Clearly, taking control is not working.”

“So, how exactly are you going to turn my mood around?”

Laurent smiled, holding out his hand.With barely a thought, Damen took it and got up from the floor.He didn’t want to immediately let go, but he did nonetheless, painfully aware of Laurent’s rules.“We are going to go find you a cat.”

“I don’t know if…”

“I’ll pay, if that’s your concern.”

“No, that’s not, I just don’t know if I want a cat.”

“The house won’t seem as big or empty.”

Damen shook his head disbelievingly and then smiled.“How did you know?”

“Because I know you,” Laurent whispered.“And I’m sorry I keep pretending I don’t.I keep vacillating between wanting you closer and wanting you further away and it’s making things difficult.”

“I know,” Damen said.“I’m sorry I’m being ridiculous.It’s not really fair to you.”

Laurent smiled.“I do believe we just avoided a future fight.”

“How grown up of us,” Damen replied, smiling cautiously.

“Petsmart?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll drive.”

 

Laurent parked smoothly in between two cars and then they were walking into Petsmart.To the left was their cat adoption center, where a series of glass boxes held cats of all shapes and sizes and ages.Damen headed straight for them while Laurent went in search of an employee to allow them inside.

Automatically, his eyes landed on a pair of kittens, both ginger with white splotches.One had a patch right around his eye.They were curled around each other, sleeping.There was a placard beside their box and Damen flipped it over to read that they’d been abandoned by their mother and that their names were Fred and George.They were to be adopted together.

The employee, who was strolling over just in front of Laurent, noticed Damen’s gaze and said, “They’re precious, aren’t they?Those two love to play.They’re not good for cuddling right now, but they might be someday.”

Coming up beside him and whispering into his ear, Laurent said, “AKA if you’re looking for two cats to rip apart every piece of furniture you have, you’ve found the right ones.”

“They’re so fucking cute,” Damen said.

“Of course you’d like them,” Laurent sighed.“Anything that defies logic.”

“Their names are Fred and George.How could anyone possibly resist?”

Laurent shrugged.“I like the black one.”

“You have a black cat.”

“So?”

“I don’t want the same kind as you,” Damen explained, following the employee into the room that she’d just unlocked, stopping by the door to get a handful of hand sanitizer.There was a small gray tabby running around the floor, knocking a ball around.Bending down, Damen held out a hand and the tabby came to sniff it curiously before running away.

“That one didn’t like you,” Laurent observed dryly.

“Maybe it doesn’t like anyone.”

Laurent shot him a challenging look and bent down, so close to Damen in the cramped space that he could feel the heat coming from Laurent’s body.He started making soft cooing noises and rubbing his fingers together.The tabby looked over with interest and then padded across the room, sniffing Laurent.Within seconds, it was rubbing its cheek against Laurent’s hand, who was smiling triumphantly.

“Oh, fuck off,” Damen said good-naturedly, standing and crossing the room to Fred and George’s cage.Unlocking the door he reached in and stroked the soft fur of Fred, the one with the patch around his eye.Slowly, the eyes blinked open and then Fred stretched.Carefully picking him up, Damen cradled him against his chest and kept stroking him.For a second, Damen thought he was going to fall back asleep, but then he crawled up Damen’s chest, claws out, and settled himself around Damen’s shoulders.

Laurent laughed and took out his phone, snapping a quick picture.

“Ow, fuck,” Damen murmured, as Fred began clawing at his neck, trying to get on top of his head.“What is this cat’s problem?”

“It just wants to play,” Laurent said, biting down on his lip to keep from laughing.

Eventually, Fred gave up, settling on playing with Damen’s curls.He was purring directly into Damen’s ear and that was the moment Damen fell in love.“I want them,” he said.

“Two cats is quite the commitment for someone who didn’t want one a half hour ago.”

“Who the hell cares?It’s a big house.”

“They’re going to ruin all the nice furniture I’m going to pick out for you,” Laurent pouted.

“I thought the furniture was about what I wanted,” Damen said.

“As if you could actually pick a piece of furniture.”

“I bet I could.”

Laurent sighed dramatically.“But I was so looking forward to decorating your entire house.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

“Then I suggest making it cat proof.”

They were grinning at each other and Damen turned to the employee, letting her know his intentions.She burst into a smile and bustled about, searching for paperwork and a box, and rattling off all of the shots they had gotten and what they still needed.It started happening very fast, but Damen hardly cared, as Fred’s warm body was pressed against his neck.

An hour later, he was loading a box with two cats into the back seat of Laurent’s car.They had also bought a few toys, a litter box, litter, and food the employee had recommended.

“You are so…” Laurent trailed off as he started the car.

“What?”

“You still mystify me.Do you ever make a decision with all the facts laid out in front of you?”

“Very rarely.”

“I hope they tear up all your rugs.You deserve it.”

“I’m alright with that,” Damen said, glancing back at the box, wishing he could let them loose in the car, just so he could look at their faces again.This was one thing Laurent had definitely been right about.He wouldn’t loathe how lonely his house felt anymore.So, he said, sincerely, “Thank you, Laurent.”

“Any…” Laurent stopped, paling slightly.Damen looked away, pretending he didn’t know exactly what Laurent had been about to say, but he did. _Anything for you_.It had been the way he’d said ‘you’re welcome’ when they’d been dating.Clearly, some old habits had stuck with him.“Of course,” he murmured instead.

Feeling closer to Laurent than he had in over two years, Damen said, “Why did you tell Nicaise we’d broken up after that fight?I’ve always wondered.”

“I thought you were uninterested in talking about this.”

“Sounds like maybe you are.”

Keeping his eyes focused on the road, Laurent said, “Do you remember what you said before you left the apartment?”

Damen winced.“I can’t even look at you,” he whispered, recalling vividly what he’d said.Long hours had been spent contemplating what he could’ve done differently in that moment.“Leave me alone for a couple days.”

“I thought it was inevitable, the end of our relationship.I was scared because I didn’t want you to leave me, but I also couldn’t bear the thought that _you_ were going to do the leaving.And so when Nicaise came home, I told him it was over.I didn’t actually think he’d ask you about it, which was rather idiotic of me, I must say.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“Why didn’t you find me and tell me that you wanted me back?”

“I was angry.”

“And I was scared,” Laurent said.

“You’re still scared,” Damen said, glancing over at him, noticing his body was a study in tension.

“I won’t allow the same person to break my heart twice.”There was something behind his voice as he said the words, as though that wasn’t the only reason.Damen wanted to ask, but he knew Laurent wouldn’t tell him.It was private.

“What if I told you I wouldn’t break it again?” he said instead.

“I don’t think I would believe you.”

Damen nodded, gazing out the windshield himself, closing his eyes when the sun got too bright.Laughing harshly, he said, “We really fucked it up, didn’t we?”

“That’s why I talked to you while we were walking down the aisle, you know.”

“You thought it could be us, if we hadn’t…” Damen whispered, trailing off.

There was a moment of silence and then Laurent said, “Yes.”It was forced out between his teeth and it sounded pained, but Damen felt a rush of warmth for him.That hadn’t been guaranteed to end without a fight.

“Me too,” Damen said, a feeling of catharsis sweeping through him.

The silence that followed was broken by the meowing of the kittens and Damen smiled at Laurent, who smiled back.They weren’t laughing, but Damen thought maybe he was happy and he thought maybe Laurent was too.

 

When they were back home and in the living room, Damen undid the top of the box and the kittens poked their heads out.They were shaking slightly and Damen felt his heart break a little.“They’re scared,” he murmured.

“Of course they are,” Laurent said, taking George in his hands and setting him down on the floor.Damen did the same with Fred and the two automatically wandered off, exploring every corner of the house, sniffing and shaking.“You probably won’t see them for a few days.Just keep filling up their food and water.And when they’re comfortable with you, take them to the vet.”

“Vet,” Damen said, trying to come up with a veterinarian place he knew.Apparently, he was going to have to do some research.

Laurent laughed.“Take them to Luna’s vet.I’ll text you their information when I get home.”

“What would I do without you?”

“Surely after two years of doing exactly that, you would know.”

“Not at all.Unless being miserable counts.” Laurent laid back on the hard floor.There had been a rug there, a rather comfortable one, but Kastor had apparently taken it.Of course he had.The one good rug in the entire fucking place.Deciding talking down would feel strange, Damen moved to lay beside him, far enough apart that they weren’t in danger of touching.“You don’t have to stay,” Damen said.“I think we’ll have to hold off on the garage sale until next week.”

“I don’t mind staying.Do you have any food?”

“Not really.”

Laurent pulled out his phone, dinked around with it for a few minutes, and then laid his phone on the ground.“Pizza’s on the way.”

“Did you remember mushrooms?”

“Of course.”

“How’s Nicaise?”

“Irritating,” Laurent sighed.“He loves peppering me with questions about you or storming off to his room and slamming the door.Feel free to invite him over here more often.It saves me a lot of trouble.”

Damen laughed.“Maybe I will, then.He’s nice to have around.”

“Helps when you aren’t trying to parent him.”

“It does, yeah.”

“I should probably thank you for being determined to remain his friend, whatever inconvenience it has ultimately caused me.He isn’t very good at making them and I’m glad he has you.I think you’ve even managed to temper him over the years.”

“He’s family,” Damen said matter-of-factly.

Laurent grew extremely quiet at that, his body not even shifting on the floor, and Damen glanced over to see a tear rolling down the side of his face.Shocked and a little out of his mind, Damen reached up and brushed it away.Then, immediately he apologized, though Laurent didn’t seem to care.“Why are you crying?” he whispered.

“I don’t know,” Laurent said, though it was very obvious he did.

“Alright.”

“Tell me the story.The one where you and Nikandros got kicked out of the bar.”

So Damen did, reveling in the sounds of amusement that came from Laurent as he told the story he’d already told Laurent multiple times; the tale of too much alcohol, an insult to Jord, and a bar fight that ended in a few bloody noses and more than a few bruises.

 

When the pizza arrived, they put it on the coffee table, collapsed on the couch and watched TV, Damen putting on _Parks and Recreation_ because it was easy and Laurent would be able to catch on quickly.He’d never been a big TV watcher.

Laurent laughed at a few of the jokes and that was all the encouragement Damen needed.Later in the evening, when most of the pizza was gone, Fred and George wandered back into the living room and started sniffing at both Laurent and Damen’s ankles.Then they hopped up and began walking all over them.Once they were there, _Parks and Recreation_ was largely ignored, Laurent smiling one of his real and genuine smiles as he watched the kittens pad around, tripping and falling over themselves.“They’re brave,” Laurent said, running a finger down George’s back.

“Or idiotic.”

“Sometimes the same thing.Take you, for example.”

Damen laughed and picked up Fred, holding him close to his chest.Fred wriggled for awhile, but then settled, purring softly.“I think I could probably cover his entire body with my hands.”

Laurent had picked up George, his head bent down to press noses with him.“I love that you can feel their heartbeats in your fingers.”

“Yeah,” Damen breathed.“They beat fast.”

“I’ll admit, reluctantly, that you probably picked the right ones.They love you.”

“They love you, too.”

“All animals love me,” Laurent said.

“How nice for you.”

“Quite.”

Damen smiled at Laurent, desiring for one long heartbeat that he was allowed to reach over and brush Laurent’s hair from his face.Today had been disorienting.Maybe they had decided to be friends a few weeks ago, but this was the first time he’d genuinely felt they were and it was screwing with his brain.It felt like when they had been dating, because there were truly very thin lines between platonic and romantic relationships, lines that were easily blurred for him.It was good Laurent had laid down rules, because otherwise, Damen would’ve made a move.

“I should go,” Laurent sighed, staring down at George with regret, clearly not wanting to leave him.“I’ve been here much longer than I intended.”

“I’m glad you did stay,” Damen said.

“I know.”

“You…this was alright, yeah?”

Laurent smiled, almost fondly.“Yes, Damen.Kittens were involved.How could it not be?”

“Right,” Damen mumbled, trying not to be offended.It wasn’t like he should’ve expected anything different.Laurent rolled his eyes and placed George on Damen’s lap.

“Stop being maudlin.You have to know I enjoy your company.I wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

“I used to be much more sure of that.”

With complete seriousness, blue eyes trained on Damen, Laurent said, “I enjoy your company.Immensely.”

Damen grinned. “Immensely.Wow.I feel so honored.”

“I was wondering how long it would take before you were comfortable enough to flirt,” Laurent said.His tone was light and unconcerned.

“This long, apparently.”

“Apparently.”Laurent rose from the couch, stretched in a way eerily similar to George, and then headed for the door, not even bothering to wait for Damen.In a rush, earning a yowl from Fred, Damen stood and followed.So did Fred and George, bounding around, trying to tackle each other along the way.

“Pick them up,” Laurent said.“We don’t want them running out the door.”

“Right,” Damen said.“Good call.”Carefully, he gathered the kittens into his hands and pressed them to his body.They were scratching up his chest, but he managed to keep them under control, something he probably wouldn’t be able to manage once they were larger.

Laurent opened the door and slipped out into the spring evening, the sky almost completely black.“Thank you,” Damen said.“For everything today.”

“I think you’ve already thanked me plenty.I will text you about the vet and if you have any concerns, ask.”

“I will.”

“Goodnight, Damen.”

“Goodnight.”

Laurent closed the door behind him.Setting down the kittens, who ran off, Damen locked the door and then set about finding a bowls to put food and water in and set up the litter in the basement, in the far corner.It occurred to him he should probably show Fred and George where it was, so he spent almost a half hour searching for them, than another fifteen minutes wrangling them down the stairs and placing them in the litter box.

Once that was done, the emotional upheaval of the day took it’s toll and he stripped on his way up the stairs, so he could fall into bed the moment he saw it.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll get to the comments soon, I promise. But I didn't want to deny you guys a chapter just because I couldn't bring myself to answer those today.  
> I don't have much new to say. Except I graduated from college...I've been telling everyone, just in case they maybe care.  
> As always, I adore each and every one of you for your devotion and love.  
> And I love my beautiful beta, Mari. You are a shining light in this world.  
> Enjoy! <3

_D: They’re in my bathroom sink_

_L: Did you want to brush your teeth?_

_D: Kind of_

_L: That’s too bad._

_D: I can’t imagine it’s comfortable to sleep like that_

_L: Luna likes to get in the shower with me._

_D: What the fuck is with cats?_

_L: You know, Damen, you’re going to have to move them._

_D: But they look so happy_

_L: Do you need incentive?_

_D: Definitely_

_L: I’ll bring you lunch if you open up the shop today._

_D: I’m not sure I enjoy your company more than I do these kittens.Awfully arrogant of you to assume so_

_L: That wasn’t convincing._

_D: They’re certainly cuter than you._

_L: Yes, but I’m stunning, ethereal, beautiful, gorgeous…I could keep going_

_D: I hate you_

_L: I’ll see you at lunch._

Putting his phone on the sink counter, Damen reached in and picked Fred up, winding the slowly waking cat around the back of his neck.He cupped George in both his hands and kissed him gently on top of the head.“Morning,” Damen whispered, looking into half-slitted pale green eyes.

It wasn’t long before they were both struggling, claws out, so Damen set them on the floor.They ran off to some other part of the house.For more than fifteen seconds, Damen could hear the pattering of their little feet on the floor.He smiled as he squeezed toothpaste onto his brush.His house did feel full.It was nice to wake up and feel needed for something.Anything.

He hadn’t told anyone about the kittens yet, though they would all be delighted.They would insist on visiting and Damen wanted the kittens all to himself for now.He felt sort of guilty as he imagined just how brightly Jokaste’s face would light up at the news, but it wasn’t enough to share Fred and George with the world.What if they loved someone more than him?

Well, except Laurent, of course.Why was he always the exception?

After showering and getting dressed, he wandered the house in search of his new family members, but he couldn’t find them.Damen speculated just how long it was going to take for him to discover their hiding places.

With surprising strength, it wrenched at his heart to leave them, but when he checked the water and food bowls and noticed they weren’t as full as they had been last night, he felt better.Better enough to leave the house and drive into work.

It was a rare busy day today.One of the days where Damen wished he had an employee, but it simply wasn’t something he could justify.Lunch came much faster than normal and when Laurent entered the shop, he felt a wave of relief.He probably would’ve said something along the lines of ‘Thank fucking god’ if he wasn’t helping a customer.

When he had a brief respite, he said, “Quick, flip the sign before we get screwed.”

“I can always come another day.I know you need the money.”

“Erasmus would agree with you, but I don’t care.”

With a small smile, Laurent turned and spun the ‘Open’ sign over.Damen was about to ask where Laurent wanted to go eat, when he saw a paper bag in his hand.While it was nondescript, Damen knew it was from the pork shop a few blocks away.They had the best sandwiches around.They were also what Laurent had brought him every time they’d had lunch together in this very shop, chatting on the floor, leaning against each other, sometimes hiding behind the desk to make out, Laurent’s hair deliciously disheveled by the time he had to return to work.

“Did you get me the pulled pork?” Damen whispered.He hadn’t really meant to load that much emotion behind the question, but he’d never been good at disguising and redirecting like Laurent.

“I did,” Laurent said easily, nothing behind his voice.So much nothing, Damen knew there was something.Yet again, Damen found himself questioning what exactly they were doing.

Smoothly, Laurent folded to the floor and leaned against the side of the bookcase.Taking a moment to get used to the sight, Damen organized his desk—something he scarcely did—before crossing the room and sitting across from Laurent.“This is weird,” he said, accepting the wrapped sandwich being offered to him.

“It will only be weird if you make it weird.”

“Okay, well, my brain already ruined it.Want to know where it went?”

“Not in the slightest,” Laurent said.

“I bet yours went to a similar place.”

“You just have to press, don’t you?”

“It’s the only way I get through those walls.I’ve learned that much.”

“And you always want through,” Laurent murmured.

“It’s hard being on the outside when you know what’s on the inside.”

“Eat your sandwich.”

Damen smiled and did as he was told.It was flavorful and warm and he moaned happily.“God, it’s been awhile.”

“It’s three blocks away.”

“It reminded me of you,” Damen said simply.

“You are hopeless.”

“I know.”

Laurent took a bite of his own sandwich, sucking sauce off his fingers unselfconsciously.Damen tried not to watch.“Nicaise wants to meet Fred and George.Should I tell him you want him over tonight?”

“Only if he brings you,” Damen teased, winking.

“Don’t make me lather my sandwich into your face.”There wasn’t any bite behind the words, though, and Damen’s heart clenched.He’d missed this; the harmless teasing and banter.It had been their specialty; was their specialty.

“He can come over,” Damen said.

“If you let me finish pricing things, I’ll come.”

“Whatever it takes to get you there.”

Laurent allowed the corners of his lips to crick up and then he started talking about work, the projects he was dabbling with, their frustrations, some of the dumb things his colleagues had suggested to break his block—because, of course, none of them could have a suggestion better than Laurent—and tales of his inventive ways of lengthening deadlines.When thinking about what he _really_ missed, it was this.While the kissing and the sex and the physical intimacy had been important, he wouldn’t want it if he couldn’t have this, the simple domesticity in a relaxed and honestly dull conversation about work.A dull conversation that Damen wanted to have every day.

Before long, their sandwiches were gone, but Laurent was still talking and Damen didn’t want him to stop.Increasingly, Damen found himself watching Laurent’s hands move and the lines in his face grow less and less tense and more expressive.By the end of his rant, he was comfortable, sandwich wrappings shoved to the side and legs sprawled out, feet practically touching Damen’s calf.

“Anything you’d like to get off your chest?” Laurent asked when he finished, eyes bright with amusement.The amusement faded slightly when Damen didn’t say anything, too entranced and drowning in the feeling of utter rightness warming his stomach.“Please don’t look at me like that,” he murmured.

“Why?”

Laurent shook his head, tamping back down on his emotions, “I have to get back to work.”

“Alright.Thanks for having lunch with me.”

“Not going to put pressure on that one?”

“Do you want me to?”

Laurent laughed sharply.“No.An excellent point.I’ll see you tonight.”

“Still coming?”

There was another exasperated laugh and smile from Laurent and he nodded.“Yes.I have furniture to analyze.”

“Let’s hope the cats haven’t torn it up.”

“Let’s.”

They stood staring at each other for a moment, before Laurent smiled again, biting down on it too late, and left the shop, practically fleeing as he’d done the week after the wedding.

 

When he got home from work and found the paper towels that had been on the kitchen counter by the sink on the floor and torn to pieces, he took a minute to wonder just what he’d gotten into, laughing hysterically as he did.The sound attracted Fred and George and they started meowing quietly.Damen looked over and noticed their food bowl was empty.

Reaching down and petting them, he filled the bowl and then went to the couch in the living room and collapsed on it, uninterested in moving.While sitting behind a desk and ringing up books wasn’t technically a lot of work, it took its toll when it was as busy as it had been today.Damen’s chest warmed when he saw George sitting at his feet, staring up at him, considering the available lap, but before George could make a decision, the doorbell rang.It was quite a bit earlier than Damen had anticipated Laurent and Nicaise coming over, but he stood nonetheless, not wanting to keep them waiting.

When he opened the door, he saw it wasn’t Laurent and Nicaise, but Nikandros, eyes tired and mouth thin.That was more than enough to cause concern, but Damen could also smell alcohol on his breath.Ushering him inside without a word, Damen led them to the living room, where Nikandros collapsed on the floor beside the gas fireplace.“What happened to the rug?” he mumbled.“I was looking forward to the rug.”

“Kastor took it.”

“He’s been here?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow, sounds like your life has been as exciting as mine.”

“Did you drive here?” Damen murmured, trying not to assume the worst.

“Of course not.Taxi.Jord was going to drive me, but then we got into a fight.Not a bad one, but…god, I probably shouldn’t have left him.If he wasn’t mad, he certainly is now.”His voice got lower and quieter as the sentences progressed and by the end, he was whispering, gazing at the ceiling.

Damen had so many questions and he was going to start asking some of them, when Fred and George appeared, sniffing Nikandros quickly.Nikandros smiled at them, scratching Fred’s ears, almost earning him a bite, before he sat up abruptly and said hoarsely, “Cats.These are cats.In your house.”

“I adopted cats.Fred and George.”

“Dude, we haven’t talked in like two days.What the hell?”

“Laurent.”

“I have to admit, that son of a bitch is good for you.Sure, I spend years saying, ‘Get a dog, Damen’, ‘Go out, find someone to date’, ‘Move out of this house, Damen’, and then Laurent’s back in your life for five seconds and he’s getting you to actually make adjustments.It doesn’t change the fact that I want to kill him, but it is something,” Nikandros said, pronouncing all of the words perfectly.He wasn’t nearly as drunk as Damen had assumed.

“What happened?” Damen asked, watching Fred scamper away from Nikandros’ hand and trying not to laugh.It wasn’t a particularly humorous atmosphere, after all.

“Turns out gay parents do not have it easy when it comes to adoption.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Nikandros shook his head.“We chose our agency, a private one, figuring that process would run smoother for us than a public one.We’ve done everything right, we attended their orientations, we filed the paperwork, and when we told all of you about the adoption, we’d just had our paperwork cleared.After five months.We’ve literally been planning for it since we got engaged.”

“Jesus.”

“They called and said they needed to come observe us in our home, ask questions, get a taste for the environment or whatever, and then they left.Jord and I didn’t know when to expect the results from that, but we got it in the mail today.”

“They deemed it the wrong environment, didn’t they?” Damen whispered.

“Yeah.We have to find a new agency and go through the whole goddamn process all over again.I’m so pissed off.And so is Jord.It’s kind of been a strain.I mean, we’re fine, but I needed to get out of the house for a little while.”

“Fucking christ.”

“Anyway, I thought we could get wasted and watch shitty rom-coms.Please tell me we can do that.”

“We can do that.Nicaise and Laurent are coming over, though.Do you want me to call them and tell them to stay home?”

“Nah,” Nikandros murmured, trying to get Fred to approach him again.It wasn’t working.

“Nik.”

“I don’t want to fuck up whatever reconciliation you’re trying to work out with Laurent.”

“You won’t,” Damen said.

“How is that going?”

Damen shrugged.“Fine, I think.If we start talking about the past at all, it gets really ugly really quickly, but as long as we avoid that we’re fine.We’re us.”

“You’re not going to be able to do it forever, you know,” Nikandros said, interpreting ‘us’ without difficulty.

“I have to.”

Nikandros nodded.“Yeah, I know.Let’s just hope he can’t keep it up forever either.”

When Damen glanced at Nikandros curiously, Nikandros rolled his eyes and said, “You do realize he’s still in love with you, too, right?Literally everyone can tell.Even Lazar, who spends ninety percent of his time thinking about all the things he’s going to do to Pallas when they see each other again.”

It would be a lie to say he didn’t know.Of course he did.There were countless signs that his brain had been collecting for ages and it more than explained Laurent’s plea in the bookshop today.But it was very different hearing it from someone.In all honesty, he’d been more than happy to pretend his mind had been looking for something that wasn’t there just to make himself feel better.“I do know,” Damen whispered.“But it doesn’t matter.”

“How the fuck does that not matter?”

“Because he doesn’t want to be in love with me.There is no way in hell he’s going to give us another shot.”

“Couldn’t you seduce him or something?”

Damen shot an exasperated look at Nikandros.“Have you met Laurent?If he doesn’t want to be seduced, there’s nothing I can do.”

“You could try lying on your bed naked with a rose in your mouth anyway.”

Bursting into laughter, Damen slapped Nikandros on the arm.The sound of Nikandros’ laughter quickly followed and it was a long time before they stopped, both needing it.In fact, they kept erupting into new peals of laughter whenever they looked at each other.Only when the doorbell rang did it taper off, Damen rising to his feet.

“Take off your shirt,” Nikandros said.“Or your pants.Or both.”

“Oh fuck off,” Damen laughed, jogging to the door and opening it wide.He was still smiling and it had its effect on Nicaise and Laurent, who both smiled in return, though Laurent’s was more reserved.Stepping aside, Damen allowed them inside, saying, “Nik is here, by the way.”

“Hell yeah,” Nicaise cheered, heading towards the living room quickly.Laurent and Damen walked much slower and Damen caught the small smile Laurent was helpless to give when they heard Nikandros and Nicaise exchange enthusiastic hellos.

“It’s always good to be reminded he doesn’t hate Nicaise,” Laurent said.

“He only hates you.”

“Jord has mentioned.”

“I don’t suppose I can ask you to be nice,” Damen said carefully.

“You could.”

“But you might not listen,” Damen sighed.

Laurent smiled angelically and then they were in the living room.Nicaise had joined Nikandros on the floor and they were playing with the kittens, who’d both decided to stick around because Nicaise’s sweatshirt had strings dangling from the hood.They were up in his lap attacking them and occasionally each other.“They’re so fucking adorable,” Nicaise said when he saw Damen.“Want to give them to me?I’m sure Luna would love the company.”

“Luna would hate them,” Laurent said.

“I won’t give them away, anyway,” Damen said.“They’ve already become an integral part of this household.”

“How?” Nicaise asked.“You’re the only one who lives here.”

“Yes.And they mean I don’t have to wake up alone.”

“God, that’s depressing,” Nikandros said.Nicaise nodded and then they started chatting, Nicaise asking what married life was like.Both Laurent and Damen joined them on the floor and listened.When Laurent and Damen had first started dating, Nicaise and Nikandros had hit it off immediately, having similar senses of humor and the same penchant for swearing.Nikandros had been the only one to find it in endearing in a fourteen year old.They saw each other so rarely these days that when they got back together, it was best to leave them alone because they didn’t want to talk to anyone else.

Normally, Damen would but Nikandros hadn’t acknowledged Laurent’s presence at all.“Dude, at least say hi,” Damen said, when there was a break in the conversation.

“Hi, Laurent,” Nikandros drawled.“Preparing to break my best friend’s heart again?”

“He said he could handle it.If his heart gets broken, it’s his own goddamn fault.”

“How pleasant.”

“I don’t believe I ever claimed to be pleasant,” Laurent said.

“You aren’t treating him like shit, are you?Because Damen would totally let you and then not tell me about it.”

“Jesus, Nik,” Damen mumbled.

“If I am, it’s not purposeful,” Laurent replied.“Am I a liar, Nikandros?”

Nikandros crinkled his nose and made a noise of disgust.Then, with clear disdain and reluctance, he said, “No.”

“I want to be his friend and I would prefer not to fuck it up.”

“He’s in love with you.”

“He said he could handle it,” Laurent repeated.

Nikandros stared at him, then at Nicaise, who gave him a knowing look.“You’re fucking delusional.Both of you.”

“Thank you,” Laurent smiled, picking George up off of Nicaise’s lap and holding him against his chest, touching their noses together.Every time he did that, Damen’s heart went a little crazy.Without even looking at Damen, Laurent said, “You’re staring at me like that again.”

“Ooh you want to know why?” Nikandros said.“Because he’s fucking in love with you.”

“Nik, I need you to shut up.And Laurent, I’m…”

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Nikandros said.“No one should have to apologize for how they feel.Especially when they don’t do anything.You don’t want an apology from him, right, Laurent?”

“No,” Laurent said, smiling down at George.

Nicaise, who, like Damen, had been watching the conversation impassively, hit Nikandros on the arm and started talking about the adoption fiasco, which was where they had left off, and Damen smiled as Nikandros launched back into his complaint, just as angry as he’d been before when talking to Damen.

“The adoption fell through?” Laurent murmured.

“Yes,” Damen said.“Homophobic assholes.”

Laurent’s eyes went distant and then he pulled out his phone and started texting.There was a response moments later and Damen sensed that avenue of social conversation was closed off, so he situated himself more firmly in Nikandros’ and Nicaise’s circle, until they were no longer talking but stealing kittens from each other and laughing.

“Jord wants you home,” Laurent said awhile later, typing out another text.

“He does?” Nikandros asked, no venom in his voice at all.Jord could even get him to respect Laurent, apparently.What couldn’t Jord do?

“Yes.”

“Is he okay?”

“Fine.He misses you.”

“I’ve got to go,” Nikandros said, standing in a rush.On the way out, he ruffled Nicaise’s hair, kissed the top of Damen’s head, and shot Laurent a look that wasn’t anything at all, clearly unsure how he was supposed to feel about him. 

“How are you getting home?” Damen called after him, remembering that he had taken a taxi.

“Fuck.”

“I’ll drive you.”

“You’re going to leave us alone in your house?” Laurent asked.

“Yeah,” he shrugged.“Why wouldn’t I?”Walking to the counter and sorting through mail and grocery bags, he finally found his keys.“I’ll be back in a second.Please don’t leave.”

“We’re not going anywhere,” Nicaise said.

When he reached the front door, Nikandros was pacing and wringing his hands.“I shouldn’t have left him,” he said.“This is something we should’ve worked through together.Right?That’s what married couples do.But, no, I ran the fuck away and…”

“I don’t actually think Jord is mad at you.Would you please relax?”

“You wouldn’t have left Laurent.”

“Nik…”

“You wouldn’t have.”

“No,” Damen admitted, trying not to think about the scenario Nikandros was imagining.“But I’m different than you and he’s different than Jord.Let’s get you home.”

Nikandros nodded and they left the house, Damen locking the door behind him.Making sure to drive quickly, they reached Nikandros’ house in ten minutes.Without even a thank you, Nikandros was out of the car and running to his house.Apparently, the door was locked and he didn’t have a key, because he started swearing loudly and banging on the door.But Jord was there within seconds and pulling Nikandros into a fierce hug and when Damen saw that, he drove away, knowing they would be fine.

Back at the house, he found Laurent and Nicaise sprawling on the floor, talking, the kittens nowhere to be found, a roll of duct tap and a sharpie forgotten beside them.Lying on the floor perpendicular to them, up by their heads, Damen didn’t talk as he listened to Nicaise talk about school and the research paper he was working on for his English class.Damen realized quickly that Laurent was letting him talk it through, work out the kinks in his own argument.

At one point, Damen made a suggestion for a type of article to look up and they both looked at him, smiling.He was probably staring at Laurent fondly again, but he didn’t care.This had been the best part of his day, the best part of all of his days back when he’d had this.They’d been a tight knit group, always returning to the same place after a long day and sharing the stories they’d collected.It was beginning to feel like they could have it back.And Damen was going to make sure he was alright with being friends so he could have this.

Once Nicaise finished talking about his essay, the conversation trailed off and they shared company in silence.The silence was only broken when Damen noticed that Nicaise’s breathing was heavier and he turned his head to see Nicaise was fast asleep.Chuckling softly, he reached over and brushed some of the hair from Nicaise’s face, then stood and fetched him a blanket, lying it over his body.Laurent watched this soundlessly, before sitting down on the couch and patting the seat in a request for Damen to sit with him.

“He can sleep here,” Damen whispered.“If you want.Or you can wake him up.”

“Let’s let him sleep for awhile,” Laurent said softly, staring at Nicaise with gentle eyes.Eyes he’d used to offer Damen. 

“Okay.”

“Nikandros is right,” Laurent whispered.“I shouldn’t be asking you to stop…looking at me like you love me.I can’t stop you from feeling the way you do and I shouldn’t ask that of you.You are dealing with a lot to be my friend and you shouldn’t have to bear that alone.I knew what I was getting into.”

“But you did it anyway,” Damen said, his voice clearly asking a question.

Echoing something he’d said when he’d finally given into Damen all those years ago, Laurent said, “Surely I want something.”

“Me.”

“These last two years have been difficult and I’ve been…far from who I want to be.And I…I’d convinced myself of all sorts of things I knew to be untrue so I could get over you, but when you told me you hadn’t moved on at the wedding, I couldn’t lie to myself anymore.You make me better, Damen.And you make me happy, so I decided two years was long enough.”

“Long enough for what?”

“For you to understand how fucking upset I am with you.”

Damen laughed quietly.“Still?”

“Always,” Laurent replied, mouth curving.

“You have to know I’m…”He stopped.Laurent had laid a finger against his lips.Even if he’d been uninterested in heeding Laurent’s wishes, he wouldn’t have been able to talk.Every inch of him was focused on the finger pressed to his lips, not too hard, but not a whisper, either.

“Don’t apologize.”

“Why?”

Laurent didn’t reply, but Damen didn’t need him to.While it would’ve been nice if he could’ve said it aloud, Damen knew.It was in his eyes and in the tautness of his body. _If you apologize for everything, I’ll have nothing left to hold onto._

“Maybe I want to apologize,” Damen whispered.

“You really don’t.”

Nodding, Damen leaned back, only now realizing he’d been a few scant inches from Laurent.His fingers were itching to touch, but he knew it was a rule he couldn’t break, so he curled his hands into fists and pressed them against his thighs.Their eyes were still locked in an intense gaze, though.Damen hadn’t ever wanted to fuck up so badly.

Forcing his eyes back to Nicaise, he watched the rise and fall of his chest.There was a small sigh from Laurent, for some reason, and then he said, “We should probably go.I don’t want to impose.”

“You could never impose.”

“Sometimes, I’m forced to agree with Jokaste.You are too good of a person.”

“I try.”

With a smile, Laurent kneeled down on the floor and shook Nicaise gently.Waking immediately under the touch, Nicaise blinked and then yawned.“Did I really fall asleep?”

“You did, kid.It’s impressive really, since the rug isn’t there anymore,” Damen said.

“Are we leaving?”

“Yes,” Laurent replied.

“Fine.I’m going to steal Fred and George, by the way.If it’s the last thing I do.”

“Over my dead body.”

“Will you help me bury the body, Laurent?” Nicaise asked.

“You’d have to do it yourself,” Laurent said, heading for the door.Nicaise, who had followed, turned his head and winked at Damen.Of course he would find the comment significant.And it probably was.This friendship, while worth it, wasn’t going to be simple.Tonight, he’d barely kept it together and it was only going to get harder.

Just like when they’d first met, there was something inevitable happening.Of course, once upon a time, it had been falling in love magnificently.Now, it was just a crumbling.Possibly.Damen couldn’t actually tell.But it would start a crumbling if Laurent didn’t cave.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing knew to add, really. I love you all dearly and I love Mari, the most wonderful beta. I miss youuuu  
> Enjoy! <3

The week that followed was a quiet one.Damen saw Laurent a couple of times, sometimes with Nicaise, sometimes without him.They rarely did anything more than watch TV and talk about work, but it still proved difficult to resist taking liberties.He managed, but Damen could think of at least ten separate times he’d wanted to run his fingers through Laurent’s hair just to remember the weight and feel of it.And at least five where he’d wanted to throw his arm around Laurent’s shoulders and pull him in tight.Of course, there was one memorable occasion on Wednesday, halfway through an episode of _Cutthroat Kitchen_ , where Laurent had yawned and leaned his head on Damen’s shoulder, clearly forgetting for the briefest moment where exactly they stood.The following minutes had been awkward, when Laurent had retracted his head in a flash and scooted away, creating a large distance between them.It was so rarely uncomfortable between them, even when they were fighting, that Damen hadn’t known what to do, staring intently at the TV until Laurent had whispered that he needed to leave and had done just that.Two days later, when they saw each other again, neither of them mentioned it.

The truth was, Damen hadn’t anticipated seeing Laurent as often as he was seeing him.When they’d made this agreement, Laurent had made it sound like it would be an infrequent thing, but clearly, he was having trouble resisting the urge to see Damen.Normally Damen wouldn’t mind, but he was constantly five minutes from going insane whenever they were together.And yet, he wouldn’t change a thing.He didn’t know what do with that.It was incredibly irritating.

Laurent was due to come over today, as well.Anytime.They were finally going to set up this garage sale and Damen felt much less anxious about it than he had last week.He’d even managed to text Kastor—calling him was still completely out of the question—and tell him he could have a half hour to grab whatever else he wanted.He’d made sure to set it up an hour after Laurent was supposed to arrive, so if he wasn’t up to it, Laurent could deal with it.Damen knew he would be happy to.

Pulling the eggs from the burner and pouring half of them onto one of the plates Laurent fully intended to get rid of, Damen pulled up a stool at the counter and dug in, reading a rather dull book about Norse mythology as he did.He would simply quit, but Laurent had ingrained in him the blasphemy of starting a book and not finishing it.All of his reading habits were adopted from Laurent, actually, because Laurent had been the one to teach him the ins and outs of reading recreationally. 

Fred hopped up on the stool beside him, startling Damen, some eggs dropping off his fork to the ground.Setting down his fork, Damen petted Fred’s head and said, “Where’s your brother at?”

Fred simply stared at him and then the food, watching carefully as Damen brought the fork from the plate to his mouth.Then, he started testing Damen, reaching his paw out and trying to bat at the fork.Rolling his eyes, Damen picked Fred up and set him on his lap, abandoning his food for now.“Want to explain why you’re being difficult?”

Before Damen could judge himself for talking to his cats—something he did more frequently than he cared to admit—the doorbell rang.Carrying Fred with him, Damen said, “You know, you would be a lot more useful if you could open doors.Work on that, would you?”

He opened the door and let Laurent in, whose business face was in place.Without a pause, he went into the sitting room and started pointing at furniture and asking what Damen did and didn’t want.Damen trailed Laurent around in his house, simply saying yes or no, until they were upstairs and almost an hour had passed.They were in his bedroom, which hadn’t changed since he’d been in high school, and he lounged on his bed, saying, “Kastor is almost here, I think.”

Laurent stopped chattering away about how pathetic it was that Damen hadn’t moved out of this room and into his parents.Approaching the bed, he perched on the edge by Damen’s feet and laid a careful hand on Damen’s calf.Since the head-on-shoulder incident, Laurent had been more reticent about his touches, which was probably good, however much Damen longed for them.“Where are you going to hide this time?”

“I have to talk to him eventually, right?”

“Do you?”

“I don’t know,” Damen groaned.“I have to forgive him at some point.That’s what family does.”

“I never forgave my uncle.”

“Well, of course you didn’t.God.Nobody expected that of you.”

“How is this any different?” Laurent asked.

“Because that was abuse and this was just Kastor being a dick.Which is typical for him, really.I thought you wanted me to forgive him, anyway.”

Laurent shrugged.“I just want you to be happy.I thought it would make you happy, but maybe it wouldn’t, as you pointed out.”

“I was just being an asshole.”

Laurent smiled.“Yes, I know.”

With some hesitancy, Damen asked, “How are you doing, anyway?About your uncle, I mean.”

“Fine.”

“If you say so,” Damen sighed, rising from the bed and saying, “Might as well get rid of everything in this room.I think I’ll make it some sort of study.Maybe a small library.”

“Perfect,” Laurent murmured, giving Damen one of those searching glances. 

Laurent was halfway through pressing duct tape into strategic places on the furniture when the doorbell rang.Wincing, Damen curled his hands into fists and stood in the center of the room, contemplating what he wanted to do.He could feel Laurent’s eyes heavy on him.“Fuck this,” Damen growled, heading down the stairs.“I shouldn’t be scared of this.”

Clambering down the stairs, hearing the lighter, softer steps of Laurent behind him, Damen stopped right in front of the door and closed his eyes.He could do this.There was nothing terrifying about Kastor.He could manage a polite hello, let Kastor do his business, and then say goodbye.It was simple.Right?

Unexpectedly, a hand slipped into his.When Damen flinched, Laurent moved to pull his hand away, but then Damen collected himself and gripped Laurent’s hand hard, the soft, warm skin relaxing him.For a few seconds.After that, his heart started to hammer in his chest and a small pang rattled his heart, desperately wishing this was something he could have whenever he wanted, not just when he was in emotional turmoil and Laurent deigned to comfort him.“Are you going to answer the door?” Laurent murmured, breaking Damen out of his thoughts.

“Yeah.”He didn’t move immediately, though, more interested in holding Laurent’s hand.

“Before he walks away?”

“Right.”Dropping Laurent’s hand—instantly missing it—Damen swung the door wide, imagining that his feet were glued to the ground so he didn’t run away.

Kastor was standing there, a scruffy beard on his face, dark hair lazily tousled.He looked older than Damen remembered.There were actual wrinkles and Damen could spy more than one gray hair.Apparently, two years was a longer time than he’d imagined.The brown eyes—the exact same color as Damen’s—flicked towards the ground when they realized who was standing in front of the door.“Hey, bro,” he murmured.Then, in a slightly louder voice, “Laurent.”

“Hi,” Damen said stiffly.“Go do your thing.”

“Thanks.Are you sure I can take anything?”

“Yeah.”

“I…” Kastor paused and then changed his mind from that course of action.Instead, he let it lie and strolled into the house, hands in his pockets.Disappearing into the sitting room, Damen relaxed slightly, enough to flee to the kitchen, noticing the eggs he hadn’t gotten around to finishing.Pretending Laurent wasn’t there, Damen picked up the dishes and began washing them by hand, looking for something to do.As he set down the pan on a towel by his sink, Laurent picked it up and dried it, before putting it away.He did the same with all the dishes that followed and Damen felt warmth flood his chest.It was undeniable in moments like these how much he loved this man.If only he felt he could say something like that without freaking Laurent out.

When they were done, Laurent said, “Ready to continue?”

“Sure.”

Methodically, they finished going through everything in the house and wandered downstairs, wondering if Kastor was still around.He in fact was, staring at an armchair from the sitting room that he’d managed to wrangle into the entry way.It looked as though he was unsure if he could get to his car, though.“Do you want some help?” Damen asked.

Kastor’s head snapped up and then he nodded warily.“That’d be great.”

Without a word, Damen lifted one side while Kastor lifted the other and they carried it out to a beaten up pick up truck, one Damen had never seen before.“Whose car is this?” he asked softly.

“My girlfriend’s.”

“You have a girlfriend?”

“Yeah.Going on a year now.”

“What’s her name?”

They shoved the chair into the back, next to a few other things, most of it from Kastor’s old bedroom.“Elena.”

Unsure how to respond that, Damen nodded, wiping his hands on his jeans.They stared at each other for a moment and then Damen turned abruptly and walked back into the house.This was so strange.He wasn’t even sure why he’d asked any of those questions.Kastor was acting like less of an asshole than usual.Maybe that was why.

Kastor followed, but didn’t come back into the house.Hanging back on the threshold, he said, “I think that’s all I want.Thanks for letting me come and…do this.”

“Sure,” Damen replied.

“Listen,” Kastor sighed, scratching the back of his neck.“I’m sorry about what I said to Laurent.I’ve meant to tell you for awhile now, but…well, I wasn’t sure you cared.”

“I’m not sure I do.”

“Yeah, okay.That’s fair.”

Crossing his arms over his chest, Damen said, “Why did you do it?”

“I was jealous,” Kastor admitted, eyes downcast.

“What?”

“You had it all, you know?And I had nothing.”

“I did not have it all,” Damen argued.“Not even close.”Thinking back, he realized that maybe he had, but he wasn’t going to take back his words.It would ruin that particular complaint.

“Yeah, but you had him,” Kastor said, gesturing with his shoulder to Laurent, who Damen hadn’t even realized was standing behind him.He certainly hadn’t been there a minute ago.“And he loved you.More than anything.You two had it.Forever, or whatever.I hardly even had friends and I…I decided to be a dick about it, I guess.”

“You really did.Thanks for ruining my forever.Or _whatever_.”

“He’s here, isn’t he?”

“We’re not together.”

“Oh,” Kastor murmured.“I just figured, sorry.I’m going to go now.Uh, have a nice life, brother.”

“Bye,” Damen said, anger seeping into his voice.Slamming the door, Damen turned and leaned against it, taking a few deep breaths.Looking up, he met Laurent’s eyes and as though Laurent was a mirror reflecting Damen back at himself, Damen realized that was not how he wanted that relationship to end.Swearing loudly, Damen opened the door and ran, waving down Kastor, who was about to punch the accelerator.The truck jerked to a stop and Kastor called, “What?Did I forget something?”

Stopping a few feet from the open window that Kastor was leaning out of, Damen said, “You’re an asshole.I want you to know that.And I don’t forgive you for what you did.”

“Okay.”

“But I want to,” Damen said in a rush.“I hate that we don’t talk.I hate that you have a girlfriend I didn’t know about.I hate the idea that you two could get married and I wouldn’t get invited to the wedding.I don’t know exactly what I want from this, but I want to know if you would get coffee with me sometime so I can figure that out.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Damen replied awkwardly, backing away from the truck, trying to figure out if he regretted what he’d just done.“I’ll text you.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it, little brother,” Kastor said, giving a weak replica of one of his signature barbed smiles.Then he drove off, tires squealing against the pavement.For awhile, Damen didn’t know how long, he stood there on the edge of the street, letting the sun soak into his skin.He was still unsure he’d made the right decision.The only comfort was the knowledge that his parents would be proud of him, that they would approve of the decision.The last thing they would want to see is their family in disarray.

Once his skin was warm to the touch, he went back inside and found Laurent in the kitchen, packing up boxes and labeling finished ones with a sharpie.Leaning against the wall, Damen watched, his mind still trying to put itself back together.When it had, for the most part, Damen said, “What exactly am I going to drink out of?”

At that, Laurent smiled.“We are going shopping after I move some of this out into the garage.It would go faster if you helped.”

“I hate shopping.”

“Too bad.”

“It’s cruel and unusual punishment.”

“Call the police.”

Damen rolled his eyes and picked up one of the finished boxes and took it out to the garage, a place which was practically empty, luckily for Laurent’s plan.He didn’t even store his car here, instead choosing the driveway so he didn’t have to go through the hassle of opening and closing a garage door.Placing the box in a corner, he went back for the next one.

 

It was a long time before they had most of Damen’s belongings out in the garage, excluding some of the larger pieces of furniture.They were both sweating and Damen just wanted to collapse on the nearest surface, most likely found in this garage, and take a nap.But Laurent wasn’t having it.Twirling keys around his finger, he said, “Time to go shopping.”

“No,” Damen moaned, wanting desperately to melt dramatically into Laurent, but deciding against that avenue of complaint.Instead, he fell into one of the couches they’d brought out.“It’s late and I’m hungry.”

“You’re being a baby.”

“Sue me.”

“I’ll take you out for dinner.”

Due to his exhaustion, his filters were entirely gone.“Is it a date?” he asked, shooting Laurent a flirtatious grin.

Laurent moved forward and shoved one of the keys on his ring into Damen’s side.“Don’t push it.”

“You’ve broken me.I can’t help it.If you don’t want to be flirted with, I suggest leaving and coming back tomorrow.”

“What are you going to drink out of?”

“I have mugs left.”

“Eat out of?”

Damen considered that and then repeated, “I have mugs.There are recipes for mugs, aren’t there?”

“Alright,” Laurent sighed, “How about this?I go shopping and you stay here, order Chinese, and have it ready for me when I get home.”

“Home?” Damen whispered, feeling inexplicably sad all of a sudden.

Laurent closed his eyes and exhaled loudly.“When I get back,” he corrected, clearly upset with himself.“I have impeccable taste.I promise you, you won’t be disappointed.”

“Sounds good to me.How long will you be gone?”

“A couple hours.”

“But I’m hungry now,” Damen whined.

“I saw some chips in your pantry.Eat those.”

“Fine.”

Laurent nodded and headed towards the garage door, but Damen called him back.“Laurent.Wait.”

“What?”

“Keep the receipts.I want to pay you back.”

“I’ll keep the receipts.”

When he was gone, Damen considered getting up, but the couch was awfully comfortable and he was so tired.Damen would blame it on all the moving, but he was relatively physically fit.It was more likely that it was entirely Kastor’s fault.Closing his eyes, he told himself he would be up in an hour or two and that he would order Chinese then.

 

He wasn’t, though.Laurent had to wake him up and it involved the clanging of pans.Wincing, Damen blearily opened his eyes and let out a low whine.“What are you doing that for?” he complained in a hoarse voice.

“How do you like your new pans?I noticed you didn’t have many when I was poking around.”

“I’m sure they’re more lovely when they aren’t making that godawful noise.”

“I take it you didn’t get around to ordering Chinese?”

“Ah, no,” Damen said, sitting up.“Sorry about that.”

Laurent rolled his eyes.“It’s fine.I took the liberty of ordering some.Would you like to come into the house and see what I bought you?”

“Sure,” Damen replied, standing and swaying slightly, not quite prepared for actual movement.A hand landed on his waist to steady him and he blinked, not expecting the contact.He never was.Laurent released him quickly, but Damen began to consider how unfair it was that Laurent could touch him like that, but he couldn’t touch Laurent similarly.Of course, it was what he’d agreed to.

Damen followed Laurent to the entryway and he was overwhelmed by the number of bags there were.Immediately, Laurent began pulling things out, ripping open boxes, and showing Damen the fruits of his labor.The more he showed Damen, the harder it was to disguise a smile.They were all perfect.Simple, typically one color, but elegant.Not pretentious or loud.It was all he would’ve asked of Laurent if he’d gone with him.There were paintings, dishes, sheets, towels, a few rugs, and lots of other stuff, including a piece of paper that Laurent handed him, handwritten, listing all of the furniture and larger paintings he’d bought, when it was going to be delivered, and a brief description of what they looked like.Overwhelmed with an emotion he couldn’t describe, though one he thought he knew the name of, Damen stared at the list intently, willing himself not to cry.“Thank you,” he said, voice cracking.“It’s perfect.All of it.”

“Are you alright?”

Damen laughed humorlessly.“Uh…sure.”

“All of this can be returned, if…”

“No, that’s not it.” 

Their eyes met and Damen knew he was disguising his feelings poorly.Laurent couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away.Stepping closer, Damen murmured, “It’s all…it’s me.This is possibly the most incredible thing anyone has ever done for me.”In a brief, indulgent touch, he ran the backs of his fingers down Laurent’s cheek so, so softly.“You’re incredible.”Then he stepped back, knowing it was a possibility he’d already gone too far.

Laurent’s eyes were slightly blissed-out, but he recovered quickly.“I know,” he said arrogantly, smiling viciously.He didn’t comment on the touch, instead handing Damen a bag.“Time to unpack.”

Damen glared at him and Laurent said, “Only until the Chinese arrives.I promise.”

“Fine,” Damen replied, heading towards the kitchen and pulling a box of plates from the plastic.Slicing open the box with a key, he unloaded the simple, blue ceramic plates and stacked them by the sink.When they were all out, he hand washed each one, peeling off stickers, drying them, and then sticking them onto the shelves previously occupied by his parents’ plates.

While he was drying, Laurent took over the sink to wash glasses.They switched back and forth until all the boxes of dishes were done and put away.They were about to start on unpacking sheets and towels when the doorbell rang and Damen cheered loudly, practically sprinting to the door. 

Throwing open the door, he took the bags out of the delivery girl’s hands and patted around for his wallet, realizing he didn’t have it.He was going to go fetch it, when Laurent came up beside him and handed the delivery girl the appropriate money plus a tip.“Thank you,” Laurent said easily, shutting the door.

“Shall we use your new plates?” Laurent asked back in the kitchen.

“Please,” Damen smiled.

Laurent grabbed two and then set them down, loading his own plate with a little bit of every box.Damen did the same and then the sat on the floor in front of the TV, the couch gone.“We could’ve thought this through better,” Damen sighed.

“It wasn’t going to be a perfect transition,” Laurent replied, flipping on the TV and starting the next episode of _Westworld_ , a show they’d decided to start together.Laurent had likely picked it because it was relatively low commitment.

Eating and watching in silence, it became relatively exhausting to keep himself up, so eventually, Damen went upstairs and got the pillow from his bed, folded it in half, and stuffed it underneath his neck so he could still watch, but lie down.A couple minutes later, Laurent was staring at him with a hint of jealousy and Damen scooted over.“Want to share?”

“That’s relatively close proximity.”

“Just an offer.”

“You’re irritating.”

“Would it make you feel better if I retracted my offer?” Damen asked.

Very cautiously, Laurent laid his neck against at the end of the pillow, as far as he could possibly get from Damen.Once _Westworld_ was over, they didn’t start a new episode.Instead, Laurent rolled over on his side and gazed at Damen.

“What?” Damen whispered, following Laurent’s lead.Their faces were only inches apart, suddenly.

“Why did you go after Kastor?”

“He said, ‘Have a nice life,’” Damen replied.“I didn’t want that to be the last thing we ever said to each other.He has a girlfriend, you know.Her name’s Elena.I didn’t know about her and that felt wrong.”

Laurent considered that for a moment.“Did you have a girlfriend or boyfriend I don’t know about?”

“No,” Damen said.“I tried, but no.Well, one girl for three months, but…yeah, no.”

“I didn’t either.”

“Did you try?”

Laurent smiled softly.“You do know me, don’t you?”

“I’ll take that as a no.”

There was a long pause and then Laurent shifted his eyes to the floor.“Surely, you…”

“Yeah.Quite a few.The latest was named Kashel.I stopped seeing her after the wedding, back when I thought I was going to get my life back together and get over you.”

“What was she like?” Laurent whispered.

“Nice, playful.Relatively good in bed.She was in love with someone else.Someone she couldn’t have.”

“Like you.”

“Like me,” Damen agreed, wondering if Laurent was uncomfortable.Damen felt like he should be, but he wasn’t.Maybe it was because Laurent was right there, the blue of his eyes taking up most of Damen’s field of vision.

In all honesty, he was desperate to kiss Laurent.Typically, this is when Laurent would move away or declare it was time for him to head home, but he didn’t this time.Despite that, Damen knew that if kissed Laurent now, without explicit verbal confirmation, they would not talk again for a long time, possibly ever.So, Damen was the one to move away, rolling over onto his back and staring up at the ceiling, his chest contracting.

“Do you want me to go?” Laurent asked.

“I don’t know.”

“I’m causing you pain.”

“Better than the alternative, I promise,” Damen said.

“I’m sorry,” Laurent murmured.

“For what?”

“I don’t know.”At that, Laurent sat up and rubbed his eyes.Running his fingers through his hair, he said, “I’m going to go.I’ll set up signs for tomorrow on my way home.Expect me early, so I can help you set up.Are Jord, Nikandros, and Jokaste still coming?”

Damen nodded.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

“Yeah.”

Lips quirking slightly, Laurent said, “Are you going to be able to get up off the floor?”

“Probably not.”

Standing, Laurent extended his hand.Taking it, Damen forced himself from the floor, ending up less than a foot from Laurent, their hands still linked.Dropping it slowly, Damen didn’t move away, swallowing.Laurent was his gravity, defining his orbit.There was nothing he could do to slip out of his elliptical.There were so many things he wanted to say, so many things he wanted to do and Laurent wasn’t moving, almost begging him to.It was confusing and unfair and Damen felt his anger rising.Before it reached a breaking point, he walked away, into his kitchen, getting a glass and filling it with water.He only took a couple of sips before he set it down and gazed out the window over the sink.Listening, he heard the front door open and close.

 

The next morning, he had Jord, Nikandros, and Jokaste over for breakfast.He didn’t cook anything, but he’d gone to the store and bought three different kinds of juices and a lot of pastries.It was a typical breakfast they’d had in college and when they all crowded in the kitchen, nobody complained, happy to be unhealthy every once in awhile.Sitting on the floor, the three of them glanced around the largely empty house and Jokaste said, “You and Laurent have been busy.”

“It’s mostly been Laurent,” Damen admitted.

“Jord told me that…” Nikandros began, but he stopped when Jord sent him a harsh look.Damen knew it had to be about Laurent and something he’d texted to Jord, because that was the only thing Jord wouldn’t tell him, no matter how often he asked.What Laurent told him was kept in confidence.It was a marker of what a good friend Jord was.Only Nikandros got some snippets, but Jord kept him under control.

“So what do you need from us today?”

“Well,” Damen began, taking a quick bite of an eclair, “we need to move everything from the garage to the driveway and a lot of the furniture in here needs to be moved as well.Then we need to set up a table and some chairs and put some money in a box so we have change.And we have to do it quickly.I think we’re supposed to be ready by ten.”

“Okay,” Jokaste said.“Jord and Nik can help you with furniture and I’ll work on unpacking all the shit Laurent bought you.You’ll need room in the entryway once furniture starts arriving.Is any coming today?”

“Yes,” Damen said, grabbing Laurent’s list from the fridge where he’d stuck it with a magnet and handed it over.“Quite a bit, actually.I’m sure he did his thing and bargained for what he wanted.”

Jokaste hummed in agreement, reading through the list.When she finished, she pulled her hair up into a ponytail and headed toward the entryway, already getting started.It took awhile for the boys to follow her lead, Nikandros interested in eating as many pastries as he could before he started.

Then they headed out into the garage, Damen opening it to the bright, sunny day that was destined to be warm.They all blinked for a minute and then got started.Of course, almost instantly, Damen realized why Laurent had wanted to be here for this part.Organization became difficult and they just started piling things in the middle of the driveway, which was not how it could look when people started arriving.

“He’s going to kill us,” Jord sighed, staring at their work so far.

“Truly,” Damen said.

“Oh, please,” Nikandros said.“He’ll be more than happy to order us around until it’s exactly how he wants it.”

“Nik,” Jord said disapprovingly.

“Jord.”

“Nikandros is not wrong,” Laurent said, appearing next to them, shocking Damen so badly that he practically jumped into the air.“I do appreciate the loyalty, though, Jord.”Then he started letting out a series of instructions and Damen and Jord leaped to obey.Nikandros and Laurent had a stare down before Nikandros complied.

Before long, the driveway was organized, things placed in categories of similar items and split up in rows, larger furniture remaining in the garage.Laurent nodded, satisfied, and then headed to his car, pulling out a fold out table and chairs he must have rented.Damen helped him set it up and then he went inside and fetched a box he’d found in an upstairs closet, tossing a couple different types of bills in.“I think we’re ready,” Damen declared, crashing down into one of the chairs.

“Where’s Jokaste?” Laurent asked, sitting down beside him.

“Inside, putting away the things you bought yesterday.”

“Didn’t get to that last night, did you?”

“No.”

“I thought maybe you would be worked up enough to,” Laurent said, staring straight ahead towards the end of the driveway.It was his way of asking if Damen was still mad at him.Damen was struck again with the awareness of how well they knew each other.

“We’re fine, Laurent.”

Before Laurent could say something, Jord and Nikandros were back with their own chairs from inside, setting up beside Damen and sitting down.“So,” Nikandros said, “When can we expect people?I’ll get really bored if it’s not soon.”

“It’s likely you’ll get really bored anyway, darling,” Jord replied dryly.

“We could invite Nicaise,” Damen said, knowing that he would keep Nikandros more than entertained.

Sure enough, Nikandros’ expression brightened.

“He’s still asleep,” Laurent said.“I left him a note, though.If he wants to come, he will.”

“I’m going to spam him with texts,” Nikandros said, whipping out his phone and starting.

“Well, that’ll keep him entertained,” Jord sighed, his tone contradicted by the adoring look he gave his husband.

“I’m going to go get something to drink,” Damen said.“Anyone want anything?”

“Water, please,” Laurent said.

“Same,” Jord added.

Nikandros didn’t respond, too engrossed in his task, but Damen brought him a glass of orange juice anyway, which earned him a smile and a quick thanks, before he started in again on the texting.Damen wondered just how many texts Nicaise was going to wake up to.

 

An hour later, when Nicaise showed up, and they’d had a total of two customers who hadn’t bought a thing, it turned out it had been around sixty.“You fucker,” Nicaise said, shouting as he walked up the driveway, probably scaring off a potential customer who was driving by slowly with their window open, “Sixty fucking messages.Sixty.Don’t you have anything better to do?”

“Not at all,” Nikandros grinned.

“I’m going to kill you.”Nicaise started running at the table and Nikandros fled from the chair, running through the gate and into the backyard, where Damen expected they would be for awhile. 

Jord took a sip of water and then said, “I’m going to go watch.It doesn’t look like you need me for this part.Let me know if it gets busy.”

“You’ll need to help Jokaste when furniture deliveries start happening,” Damen said.

“Shout at me when that happens, then.”Then he strolled off through the gate, his laughter sounding to where Damen and Laurent were sitting.Damen would’ve bet a substantial amount of money that Nicaise and Nikandros were wrestling, trampling the grass.

“Do you think anyone is going to buy anything?” Damen asked, glancing down at his watch.They had only been open for an hour and a half.But still.

“Yes,” Laurent said.“Stop worrying.”

“Alright,” Damen shrugged, leaning back in his chair and soaking up the sun.It was the best part about spring days.The return of the sun in Oregon was a big deal.For the first couple weeks, he could literally feel the sun providing his body with vital nutrients, invigorating him.

“Still love the sun, I see.”

“Not much has changed.”

“That’s not entirely true.”

Damen cracked open one eye and gazed at Laurent curiously.“What do you mean?”

“You’re more mature, you have more self control.”

“I’ll take you word for it.”

Laurent laughed.“You are possibly the least introspective person I’ve ever met.How do you do it?”

“It’s pretty easy.”

Someone had parked their car and gotten out.It was a middle-aged woman in an unflattering skirt and she headed straight for the kitchenware, sorting through it.Observing her, Damen decided to start up and old game he and Laurent had played when they were bored and in public.“Lara.She got married in her early twenties,” he began softly.

Smiling, Laurent continued.“Straight out of college, to a man who majored in accounting.”

“She wanted to work but his job had the promise of making lots more money, so she did what she thought she had to do.Have three kids and raise them at home.”

“Their names are Ernest, Oswald, and Tara.”

Damen laughed, glad Laurent still had a penchant for picking absolutely terrible names.“Two of them are bisexual and are constantly making her question her own sexuality.”

“When she washes dishes, she spends all her time thinking back to those experimental days in college, when she was thinking about fucking a girl and wondering why the hell she didn’t just do it.Maybe she wouldn’t have ended up in this life, void of agency, because her husband is a patriarchal douche.”

“That girl’s name was Arlene.She had green hair,” Damen said.

“Lara is currently trying to find her, hoping her hair is still green.”

“She’ll take it as a sign they can run away together and she can leave the kids behind, get a job she likes, and travel to Rome with Arlene at a moment’s notice.”

“That’s why she’s here,” Laurent said.“She’s searching for things to add to the apartment she’s bought for them.”

“Because she’s a fucking creep,” Damen added.

At that, Laurent burst into laughter, smiling brightly.And there it was.The one Damen had missed the most and the one he’d yet to see, until now.It was real and genuine and with teeth.More importantly, it was the most beautiful thing Damen had seen.That never changed.Damen could probably write a twenty page essay—something he wasn’t particularly skilled at—on why this smile was the most beautiful thing. 

Grinning back, Damen said, “I’ve missed doing that.”

“Me too.”

“I’m sure you forced Nicaise to do it with you.”

Laurent shrugged, not answering the question.There was even a light flush on his cheeks.Staring at him with consideration, Damen made a leap, biting down on his smile in an attempt to not appear insane.“You didn’t, did you?It was our thing, wasn’t it?”

“Shut up,” Laurent growled.

“Oh my god,” Damen said, surprised he was actually right.

Laurent glared at him and stood abruptly, walking over to the woman and starting up a conversation with her, helpfully guiding her around the sale, finding her the things she wanted.When she arrived at the desk to purchase things, she had an armload and so did Laurent.Pulling out one of the boxes they had for this purpose, Damen tallied her purchases and placed them in the box as he went.She handed over money, he gave her change, and then he carried the box to her car for her.

When he walked back to the desk and sat back in his chair, Laurent said, “Your first sale.How does it feel?”

“Good,” Damen replied, meaning it.His parents’ things were finding better homes, places where people would actually appreciate them.He should’ve done this a long time ago.

“I told you,” Laurent said, his smile rubbing it in more than his words.

“Yes, you did.”

 

The afternoon sped by, the number of people stopping by increasing drastically, until they had only a quarter of the stuff left.Everyone would take shifts at the table, allowing the others to go inside, away from the sun, and replenish energy, or in Laurent’s case, help Jokaste unpack or help Jord move furniture.There was, apparently, no end to his energy.Damen knew that wasn’t true, but his strong will was making another incredible appearance.

By the time the sun went down, all the furniture that was going to arrive had and they were finished for the day.Not much was left to Damen’s surprise.While Laurent suggested they try again tomorrow, Damen just shoved everything to the curb and stuck a free sign in the yard beside it.Whatever was left over tomorrow evening, he would take to the dump the next day.

With that done, the exhausted crew went back into the house, ate leftover Chinese, ordered more, and watched two movies, all crowded on the new couches, which were simple, angular, and a dark navy.They worked perfectly with the light and paint in the room.The kittens stopped by a few times, but mostly stayed away, overwhelmed by the large crowd.People started dozing off and Damen let them, feeling extremely sappy.His family were all here and together, getting along.What more could he want?

Once the last movie was over, he shook everyone awake and offered beds.Jokaste took him up on the offer, retreating upstairs instantly, but Jord and Nikandros wanted to drive home, so they did, leaning on each other as they left the house.Laurent and Nicaise stayed for awhile longer, Laurent showing Damen around the house and pointing out the new pieces and what other pieces would be coming and where he wanted them to go.“You can, of course, rearrange anything and everything, but trust me, this looks best.” Then they decided to leave, too, Laurent radiating happiness as he said goodbye, something that Nicaise commented on before he left.“I haven’s seen him this happy since you two broke up,” he murmured.

“Don’t meddle,” Damen reminded him.

Nicaise grinned.“I never stopped.I’ve just been working more subtly.”

Damen rolled his eyes and followed Nicasie out, waving goodbye as they eventually drove away.Going back inside, he admired his new furniture and his new artwork, still impressed with how well Laurent had done, and then retreated upstairs to his parents’ room, where a mattress was lying on the floor, the frame not yet put together.That could be a project for tomorrow.Closing his eyes, Damen wondered if would be able to convince Laurent to come over and help him.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so a) I'm sorry  
> b) I'm not like one hundred percent sure this works. I've got reasoning, I'll fight to the death for what happens, but it might not work for everyone cuz it's kind of...well...shitty things happen, my folks. But it's also the break you've all been looking for, so we're so close to them getting their shit together. Promise.  
> Anywayyy I adore all of you. Especially for reading this fic update by update. It means everything to me  
> And, as always, thanks to Mari, who is adorable and beautiful and I love her  
> Enjoy!

Damen ended up constructing the bed frame by himself—a long, arduous process that had involved more than one fit and countless swear words—because he couldn’t pluck up the courage to ask Laurent to see him for a third day in a row.He knew with complete confidence that Laurent had never intended on seeing him that often.

In fact, furniture arrived over the next few days and he and Nikandros set it up alone, the house becoming an entirely different place piece by piece, until it was hardly recognizable.Damen thought he might look around and simply see a replica of Laurent’s house and his tastes, but his careful consideration was just as impeccable as it was with the plates.It was Damen through and through and he felt comfortable in his house in a way he hadn’t before.

Four days after the garage sale, Laurent stopped by the bookshop for a quick run-by to tell Damen that he and Nicaise were going out to dinner that night to celebrate Nicaise’s taking of the SAT and that Nicaise wanted him there.They were both aware that it was another subtle method of forcing them together, but it was not one they could avoid.Though, Damen wasn’t entirely sure either of them wanted to.

That was what he was getting ready for now, throwing a clean sweater over his head and ruffling his hair until the curls fell into something that could be deemed relatively attractive.Fred and George were both watching with interest.They had taken, in the past couple days, to following Damen around the house literally everywhere he went.It was strange and slightly irritating—he had to constantly watch his step—but the one bonus was, at night, the kittens hopped up onto his bed and slept beside him.

Feeling as ready as he was ever going to be, Damen left his room, flicking off the light on the way out, grabbed his keys from the kitchen counter, and headed out the door.He was driving to a local Mexican restaurant where he was meeting Nicaise and Laurent.

Traffic was abysmal.So abysmal that Damen, who had been running a few minutes early, was now running late.By the time he arrived at the restaurant, Laurent and Nicaise were already there and judging by Nicaise’s disgruntled expression, they’d been there for awhile.Sliding into a chair opposite the two of them, Damen began to apologize profusely, giving a quick and humorous anecdote about the traffic.

It didn’t do enough to sate Nicaise’s irritation, though.At a place like this, he wouldn’t have been able to order without the entire party present and he was probably hungry.“Buy alcohol and give me a few sips and we’re good,” he said.

“Deal,” Damen replied.“Do you want beer or wine or a cocktail?”

“Cocktail.”

“Alright.”Damen opened up the the drink menu and scanned the options, trying to find something sweet.Cocktails weren’t his typical fare, so he didn’t know the best tasting ones.Discovering one that had an abundance of juices and only rum and vodka, relatively harmless spirits, he set down the menu and was met with hard blue eyes.Shrinking slightly in his seat, Damen shifted his gaze back to Nicaise and said, “You’re going to have to convince Laurent first.”

“Europe,” Nicaise argued.

“Oh, I’m alright with it,” Laurent said, leaning forward and resting his head on his hands, eyes sparkling as he focused on Damen.“I’m simply curious why Damen thought he could make that decision for me.”

“I wasn’t thinking,” Damen answered, trying not to smile.It was obvious now that Laurent was teasing.

“Clearly, not that that should be a surprise.”

“How was I supposed to say no to Nicaise?”

“That adorable, is he?”

“Entirely.I don’t know a single person who could say no to that face,” Damen said.

“I’m not adorable,” Nicaise grumbled.“And stop flirting.Tonight is about me goddammit.”

“Flirting?” Laurent said casually, taking a sip of water.“I was simply defending your innocence.”

“Shut up.You were flirting.”

The waiter arrived at that moment and both Damen and Laurent were too busy smiling down at their laps to respond immediately to his presence.So Nicaise took over, ordering a series of appetizers, then saying, “He wants a cocktail.”

“I do,” Damen said.“Can I have the Love Bite?”

The waiter nodded, asking for I.D., which Damen handed over.When he left, Laurent said, “How many appetizers did you order?”

“Three.”

“And are you paying for it?”

“Nope.”

“So who is?”

“Damen will,” Nicaise said boldly.“The price for being late.”

“I’ll pay for everything,” Damen said.“I owe you both for your help last weekend.”

“Nicaise didn’t do a thing,” Laurent said, still teasing.Damen began to understand that Laurent was in a good mood.A very good mood.It was hard not to wonder why, hard not to wonder if it had something to do with him.

“Did you want to entertain Nik?”

Laurent hummed thoughtfully.“That is true.I don’t know how you do it.There is no end to Nikandros’ search for attention and praise.”

“Practice.Over a year of putting up with you.”

Laurent smiled, circling the rim of his water glass with his finger.“My issues are of a different variety.”

“They’re no less time consuming, though.How many months did I spend trying to get you to go out with me?Six?Or was it seven?”

“Seven,” Laurent said proudly.“I was aiming for eight, though.It’s been a source of disappointment for a long time.”

“I’m hard to resist.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Nicaise practically yelled, attracting the attention of more than one table.“Damen, ask me how my SAT was before I insist the two of you leave me alone with a hundred bucks and you get a taxi back to Damen’s house and fuck on every available surface.There are all sorts of things that need to be christened, after all.”

Damen’s mouth popped open.In a quiet voice, making sure he avoided looking at Laurent, Damen asked, “How was your SAT, Nicaise?”

“So goddamn long.Why does anyone subject themselves to that?”

“College,” Laurent said flatly, looking extremely less amused than before.“Last time I checked, you wanted to go.”

“Okay, you don’t get to be an asshole just because I pointed out the obvious.”

Laurent sighed and reopened his dinner menu, though Damen suspected he already knew exactly what he wanted.Since Damen didn’t, he did the same, deciding on fajitas almost immediately.Hoping this was a mood he could turn around, Damen peered over his menu and made a face at Nicaise.

To Damen’s relief, he played along, crossing his eyes and sticking out his tongue.Returning that with wide eyes and a gaping mouth, they kept exchanging faces until Damen could no longer hold in his laughter.Nicaise cheered, “I won,” and Damen handed over a dollar.

“What are you two doing?” Laurent asked, watching the exchange.

“We play whenever it gets awkward,” Nicaise said.“Usually it happens when the conversation turns to you and Damen shuts down.The fourth time it happened we decided to raise the stakes and whoever laughed first owed the other a dollar.”

“Was I making you two uncomfortable?”

“Yep,” Nicaise said without shame.“It probably has something to do with your abysmal mood.”

There was a long, tense silence, but then, surprisingly, Laurent caved.“You’re right.I’m sorry.Tonight is about you.Did you know all the vocabulary words?”

Nicaise smiled and launched into the entire story, explaining how he’d almost arrived late, how he was exhausted and spent the first quarter of the test struggling to read the words on the page, how he didn’t have a snack but then one of his friends shared, and Damen and Laurent listened.They listened through brief breaks to order and they listened while they ate, occasionally asking questions when Nicaise got sidetracked.It was the first time since they’d resumed being friends that Damen remembered what it had felt like to be with Laurent and to love Nicaise.It had felt like family, but in a different way than it was with Jord and Nikandros and Jokaste.They were a family he’d found.This had always felt like a family he’d built, in the way his mother and father had built theirs.It was hard not to get wrapped up in it.

As promised, Damen paid for the meal and then they stepped out into the twilight hours of spring, the day still warm.If Nicaise wasn’t here and he and Laurent were together, it would be perfect for a stroll.Laurent loved watching the sky change from orange to purple to navy.

“Come over,” Nicaise pleaded when Damen pointed to his car, which was on the other side of the street.

“I don’t know,” Damen said, glancing briefly at Laurent.

“Who gives a fuck what he thinks? _I_ want you to come over.”

At that, Damen grinned.“Then I’ll come over.Race you to the house.”

“Laurent’s driving.”

“What does that matter?” Damen asked, already sprinting towards his car.He laughed to himself as he heard Nicaise yelling at Laurent to hurry up and drive.As fast as he could, he unlocked his car, slid into the seat, and started it up, pealing down the road when there was a break in the traffic.

When he arrived at the house, Laurent’s car was in the driveway and they were just exiting the car.Parking in the street, Damen hopped out of his car and shouted, “How?”

Laurent whipped his head around and smiled, his good mood clearly back.Winning tended to do that for him.It was part of the reason Damen had suggested it, though he hadn’t anticipated losing.Once he was up the driveway and by their side, Laurent cocked his head to the side and said, “It’s a secret, Damen.I couldn’t possibly tell you.You could steal it and use it against me.”

“He was speeding,” Nicaise said.“Like, a lot.”

“I was, too.”

Laurent rolled his eyes.“You would never go more than fifteen miles over the speed limit.”

“It’s mildly terrifying what that brain of yours retains.”

“The information I remember is infinitely more valuable than the memory of what my hair looks like in the early morning sun.”

“I would disagree,” Damen whispered, seeing Laurent’s eyes widen imperceptibly, as though he hadn’t expected that to be something Damen actually remembered.Of course it was, though.Shining, flaxen gold. Abruptly, he turned to Nicaise and asked, “So, kid, what are we doing?”

“Movie.The standard.”They followed Laurent to the door, who let them in, and then headed straight for the living room, Damen collapsing on the couch.Nicaise didn’t immediately sit, instead asking, “Are you feeling kettle or butter popcorn?”

“Kettle.”

Nodding, Nicaise left for the kitchen.The clatter of keys sounded just before the microwave started and then Laurent strolled in, barefoot and lazily ruffling his hair.With a yawn, he slumped into the couch right beside Damen, their knees knocking together.He did shift his knee eventually, but Damen was unprepared for the ease and closeness.It was so unexpected that Damen would’ve sworn it was calculated, but he had no idea what Laurent could be trying to do.

Leaning his elbow against the couch cushion and his head on his hand, Damen stared at Laurent.When Laurent turned his head, they were extremely close and Damen felt slightly dizzy.“You’re staring,” Laurent observed.

“Well, you are kind of beautiful.”

“You were always good at flattery.”

“Feeling flattered?”

Laurent hummed noncommittally, turning away and laying his head back, exposing the long curving grace of his neck.His eyes were far away and Damen knew he was thinking.Knowing better than to interrupt, he chewed absentmindedly on his fingernails and waited for Nicaise to return with the kettle corn.

“Damen?”

“What?” Damen said, wincing slightly when it came out helplessly hopeful.

“I…”

“So what are we watching?” Nicaise interrupted, throwing a piece of kettle corn at Damen’s head.When he was met with silence, he examined them more closely and then sighed.“Let me guess, you were flirting again.”

“Why would I be flirting?” Damen grumbled.

“You two are going to be the death of me,” Nicaise said, passing the bowl of kettle corn to Damen before turning on the TV and pulling up Netflix, starting a horror movie called _Hush_ without consulting anyone.When Laurent raised his eyebrows at him, Nicaise said, “I’m tired of talking to both of you and I’ve wanted to see this movie for awhile.Either stay or leave.”

Popping some kettle corn into his mouth, Damen declared, “I’ve heard good things about this horror movie.Apparently, the girl is actually intelligent and lives.Kind of refreshing.”

Laurent didn’t say a word, but he didn’t leave.

Throughout the movie, which was unsettling in so many ways, most of them being that it was real people in an event that could reasonably happen, Nicaise and Damen passed the kettle corn back and forth, exchanging a few words about the events, their favorite part undeniably being when the main character stabbed a corkscrew into the neck of the antagonist.Laurent said nothing the entire time.He did jump once, though.Damen had felt it.

Once it was over, Nicaise took the bowl to the kitchen and washed it out.When he returned, he put his hands on his hips and said, “If I leave the two of you alone, do you promise not to fight?Because I can tell something is going on, and,” shooting a pointed look at Laurent, “when something is going on with you two, it ends in fights.At least, recently.”

“I don’t want to fight,” Damen swore.

Laurent still said nothing.It wasn’t actually typical of him, especially when he was being accused of something.Or, frankly, when he was being asked a direct question by Nicaise.There was very little he wouldn’t do to keep Nicaise happy. “Well, that’s something.I’m off to my room, then.If you do start fighting, don’t expect me to come down and resolve it for you.”

“I’m sure we wouldn’t want you to, anyway,” Damen replied.

Nicaise nodded and padded up the stairs, leaving silence in his wake.Scooting away from Laurent slightly, Damen said, “I think I’m going to go.I bet Fred and George are having separation anxiety by now.”

“Cats don’t understand object permanence.They just think you’re gone.Poof.”

“How is it that you know something about everything?”

“That’s far from true,” Laurent said softly.

Biting the inside of his cheek nervously, Damen whispered, “Are you alright?”

“Fine.”

“You know, lovers aren’t the only people you can be honest with.”

“I hate this,” Laurent sighed.

“What, exactly?”

“This…imbalance, this liminal space between us.Nicaise was right.I was flirting with you at the restaurant and I didn’t even notice, not until he pointed out, because we aren’t one or the other and this wasn’t supposed to reach the point where that happened.It was supposed to stay definitively ‘friends’.”

“How could you of all people not see this happening?How?If I know anything about you, it’s that you don’t lie to yourself.You’re in love with me.We both know it.And I’m willing to understand that you can’t act on it because that’s a part of you you can’t give away again, but you had to know it was going to be like this.”

Laurent closed his eyes and clenched his jaw, offering nothing in response.Realizing he’d somehow gotten dragged into a conversation when he’d been about to leave, Damen stood and patted his pockets, making sure he had his wallet, keys, and phone.Then, in a quiet voice, he said, “Sorry.I probably didn’t need to point that out.I’ll see you soon?”

“Of course,” Laurent clipped.

He headed toward the door, opened it, and was about to step out, when a hand landed on his shoulder.Slowly pivoting, Damen glanced at Laurent curiously.“Surely, as friends, we can manage a better goodbye than that,” he said, closing the distance between them and wrapping his arms around Damen’s shoulders, pulling him in tight.Closing his eyes, Damen reveled in the contact, indulging himself slightly as he bent his head into Laurent’s neck and breathed, comforted by the familiar smell of cologne and skin that he’d gone too long without.

After the third or fourth breath, he realized the hug was veering into intimate territory and he backed out, giving Laurent a soft smile.Blue eyes met his and they didn’t leave.Nor did Laurent step away and Damen felt overwhelmed once again, as was becoming habit.Counting to ten in his head, he managed to step even further away and out of the house into the night, the air now nippy.

“Goddammit,” Laurent breathed, eyes flashing with unexpected anger.

“What did I do wrong?” Damen asked, trying to understand how it was possible they were about to fight right now.But he knew they were.There was no mistaking that look.

“You were supposed to fuck up by now.”

“What?”

“This wasn’t supposed to get this far because you were supposed to fuck up by now,” Laurent repeated, brow scrunched in confusion, tone lowering so that he was almost talking to himself.“I was so sure.Two years ago, your self-control was terrible and I knew how you felt and I knew that you were there and that I couldn’t ignore you, but you were supposed to break my rules and I would find it irredeemable and then I would leave you and it would be easy.”

“I want you,” Damen whispered, his brain whirring, still attempting to catch up.“Why would I break your rules?”He was ignoring the subtle reminders coming from the back of his mind, telling him that he had broken the rules a few times.It seemed like a bad idea to remind Laurent of that.

Laurent laughed, almost hysterically.“I don’t know.I should’ve known you would do the opposite of what I wanted.Next time I try to predict you, remind me that I can’t.”

Slowly awareness was flooding in and with it, anger was rising.“I can’t even believe this is happening.”

“Damen,” Laurent said, laying a hand on his arm.

Jerking out from under the touch, Damen said, “I was a fucking variable again and I didn’t even notice.”Then something else occurred to him and he let out a surprised breath.“The flirting, the lingering gazes, the brief touches.They all felt like invitations, but I was so sure they couldn’t be.They were, though, weren’t they?It’s so like you.God, was any of it real?”

“Not at first.But recently…today…” Laurent trailed off, closing his eyes.It was clearly causing him pain to admit that.It was almost laughable.He wasn’t the one who felt betrayed, who had realized he was wrong about everything, who felt the sudden urge to burn everything to the ground and leave it smoldering.

“Why did you come to the bookstore?Why didn’t you just leave me alone?” Damen said, his voice coming out much louder than he’d intended.

“I couldn’t,” Laurent forced out.“Since the day I met you, you’ve been undeniable.I’ve fought so goddamn hard and it never seems to matter.Without fail, you treat me with respect and kindness and I can’t resist it, despite how much I know I don’t fucking deserve it and how much you’ve hurt me.You can’t seriously think you’re the only one who’s been miserable the past two years.”

“You really don’t deserve it,” Damen said, latching onto the only thing that could continue to fuel his anger.

“I know.”

It was almost enough to soften him, but not quite.Moving in close, Damen bent his head until his lips were mere inches from Laurent’s.“You want to fuck this up?Is that really what you want?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck up, then,” Damen said, circling his arm around Laurent’s waist and drawing him in.“Kiss me.”

It was a ridiculous, unhinged bluff, but there wasn’t a universe Damen imagined Laurent would actually do it.But he did, crashing into Damen, lips soft but insistent, and Damen couldn’t decide if it was perfect or if it was breaking his heart.Growling lightly, Damen returned the kiss, nipping at Laurent’s bottom lip, feeling his stomach drop as Laurent opened his mouth.Hands came up to his sides and they were attempting to draw him in the house and it was irrefutable how badly he wanted to follow and do whatever Laurent asked of him, but as the air shifted from cold to warm, he remembered why this was happening and it was clear his heart was definitely falling into pieces.Breaking out of the kiss and retreating a few feet away, Damen said, “I am not fucking up that badly.I won’t give you the satisfaction.”

Laurent said nothing, his eyes unreadable, but he did look vulnerable, standing in the center of the small entryway, lips red and breathing labored.Telling himself over and over again that Laurent had wanted it to be easy, Damen simply said, “Goodbye, Laurent,” and headed out the door, slamming it behind him.

At the bottom of the stairs, he paused, staring up at the sky, which was surprisingly clear of clouds.The moon was bright, so the stars were few.Breathing in deeply, Damen felt a swell of regret at his final words.He hadn’t meant to make anything sound quite so finished.Then he realized it hardly mattered.Laurent wasn’t going to see him again, anyway.In a moment of anger, he’d ruined everything.Again.

Clenching a hand in his hair, he kept staring at the moon, not moving away from Laurent’s house.Part of him was hoping, desperately, that Laurent would see him there and he’d come running out.It hardly mattered if it was to kiss him or yell at him.Another part of him was reminding himself that Laurent had just admitted to doing a very shitty thing and that his anger was valid.

But only one fact really mattered.When he woke tomorrow, he was going to miss Laurent desperately.

“Fuck,” he mumbled, pulling out his phone.Pressing Nikandros’ name, he waited through three rings before Nikandros picked up.

“Damen?”

“I’m standing at the bottom of the stairs up to Laurent’s house and I think I’m about to have some kind of breakdown.Also, I can’t move.”

There was a brief silence and then Nikandros said, “I’ll be right there.”

Damen hung up, walked to his car and sat down on the hood, blinking away tears that were trying to escape.Why had he kissed Laurent?It would’ve been better to leave and be angry.Instead, he was having a hard time shoving away thoughts about the kiss, like how much he’d missed the serious deliberation of Laurent’s kisses, how much he’d missed the softness or the shiver that inevitably ran down his spine when their tongues slid together.

It was entirely why he couldn’t leave.He knew that if he walked back up those stairs, knocked on the door, and kissed Laurent as soon as he opened it, they would get much further than kissing.If he missed kissing, there was no denying how much he missed Laurent’s skin underneath his fingers, Laurent’s body arching up into his.

“Fuck,” he said again, wishing he had alcohol or cigarettes, even though it had been years since he’d had one of those.Grabbing his phone, he typed out about twenty different messages to Laurent and deleted them all.He needed someone to take his phone away.He needed someone to take him home, get him drunk—really drunk—and then put him to bed.Thank god Nikandros had understood enough to come.

Ten minutes later, all of which had passed in various states of insanity and anxiety, Nikandros whipped around the corner and pulled up right behind Damen’s car.Technically, it wasn’t a place a car could park, but Nikandros didn’t seem to care.

To Damen’s surprise, Jord got out of the car with Nikandros and they strolled over to Damen together.“Jesus,” Nikandros murmured, when he got a full picture of Damen’s face.“What the fuck happened, Damen?”

“Uh,” Damen whispered, voice cracking.“I don’t know.Laurent, he…he’s been flirting with me purposefully?So that I’d kiss him and he could break all ties without any trouble or something.Anyway, I got angry and I told him to kiss me, so that it would get fucked like he wanted it to, and then he did and…I don’t know.I just…I don’t think I can drive but I really need to be home.And drunk.And I need someone to take my phone because I keep thinking texting him is a good idea.Or knocking on his door and kissing him again.”

“I’m going to kill him,” Nikandros said simply.

“No, you’re not,” Jord said, laying a hand on Nikandros’ chest.“Damen is going to give me his keys, you two are going to drive to his place, and then I will come join you later, once I’ve talked to Laurent.”

“What the fuck could you possibly want to say to him?”

“Don’t take that judgmental tone with me,” Jord snapped.“Laurent is my best friend.Damen’s side is not the only one that matters here.”

“Sorry,” Nikandros said sheepishly.To cement his apology, he leaned over and kissed Jord on the cheek.“Do what you need to do.I can take care of Damen.”

“Thank you,” Jord said, gripping Damen’s shoulder and squeezing.Handing over his keys, Damen watched as Jord slipped them into his pocket and then bounded up the path to the house and knocked on the door.In the dark, all he could see was a vague Laurent shape, before Jord disappeared into the house and the door closed.

“Why did I kiss him?” Damen mumbled, searching Nikandros’ eyes for an explanation, as though he would have some idea.

With a soft, sad smile, Nikandros pulled Damen’s head into his chest and stroked the nape of his neck with rough fingers.“Because it’s him,” Nikandros said.The response knocked the breath of Damen, simply because it was uncharacteristic of Nikandros to be so perceptive.“You two will figure it out.”

“Maybe I don’t want to.”

“Alright, well…yeah, we’ve reached the extent of my comforting ability.Shall we get you home?”

“Yeah.”

“Damen?”

“Hmm.”

“What do you mean you don’t want to figure it out?You’ve always wanted to figure it out,” Nikandros said. 

There was a break in the conversation as they got into Nikandros’ car and buckled themselves in.Then Damen leaned his head back and sighed.“At some point you have to give up, right?”

“Do you think he’ll fight for you?”

“Do you?”

Nikandros didn’t respond.Instead, he flicked on the headlights and then started to drive.Damen focused on the sound of tires rolling on the pavement, gradually letting it lull him into a fragile thoughtlessness.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey thought it was time to post another chapter. I know I haven't gotten to comments yet but I've been super busy. I promise I will get to them as soon as I can.  
> Also, I know the last chapter was controversial and this chapter might be as well, but I just really appreciate how respectful all of you are and how much you care and whatever I think, whatever I do with these characters, I want you to know I value your opinions and whatever you think, you're right. That's the great thing about art and writing and stuff. There can be so many interpretations and none of them are wrong. That being said, I hope this chapter is satisfying for all of you because I'm one of those people who likes to please everyone, however impossible.  
> Anyway, thank you. And thank you to Mari, as always.  
> Enjoy!   
> P.S. this is the only chapter in the fic from Laurent's POV

“Let me in, Laurent.”

Laurent gripped the edge of the door hard and pondered just how upset Jord would be if he said no.Judging by the the fire in his eyes, a sure sign of his unshakeable stubbornness, there was only one thing he could do without causing a scene in front of Damen and Nikandros, who Laurent could see from the door. 

Damen was in pain.That much was clear.Of course he was.And it hurt.

Nodding, he stepped out of the doorway and Jord strolled in, heading straight up the stairs, knowing Laurent wanted to be in bed.Reluctantly, Laurent followed.When he entered his room, Jord was sitting on the bed, covers dipping around him, and Laurent paused in the doorway, watching him.The last thing he wanted to do was talk.Jord had to know that.In fact, he would prefer to pretend this hadn’t happened, that the last month or so hadn’t happened.There was no way he’d be seeing Damen after this.It wasn’t that he didn’t want to.He did.Desperately.But he was confident Damen thought he’d broken any and all trust, when, in reality, it was Laurent who had done that.

“Damen called us because he didn’t think he could even manage driving.”

Keeping his face blank, Laurent walked across the room and crawled under his covers, grabbing the pillow beside him and holding it to his chest.Jord’s gray eyes locked on him and didn’t leave.“He’s hurt.”

“That was the idea, I think.”

“What the fuck are you doing?Because that was a really fucked up thing to do.”

Looking down at his hands, Laurent wondered the exact same thing.He’d used to know, back when his sanity had depended on not letting Damen close enough to hurt him.But, of course, Damen had unraveled all of his plans and now his sanity depended on Damen being there, in any capacity.What _was_ he doing? 

The better question was how had he gotten here?That day, at the wedding, he hadn’t expected two relatively neutral comments to have such an effect on Damen.But he’d looked so beautiful in his tuxedo and they’d been walking down an aisle.It had been necessary to say something.Because, for just that moment, he’d wished that they were still talking, that they were still in love, that he could stop doing horrible, awful things to a person who didn’t deserve it.Because whatever Damen had done, there was nothing that could erase how good and kind he was.

Then Damen had gotten drunk and while the yelling hadn’t been particularly attractive, when Laurent had found out that there was still feelings there, feelings he somehow hadn’t managed to kill, everything had changed.All of his own feelings that he’d spent years training himself to ignore flooded back with little consideration to what it would do to him.Nicaise had asked him to go apologize and he’d done so with little fight.He’d wanted to.Somehow, he hadn’t counted on Damen understanding that, but he had.

It was exhausting fighting himself at every turn, which was why he’d decided to force the situation into a way out for him, like any coward and asshole would do.And, of course, it was the only damn thing that had worked out the way he’d originally intended, just when he thought maybe he didn’t want it to.That was why he’d gotten angry.He’d been so close to telling Damen that he still loved him, that the rules were off the table, that he wanted to try again, damn whatever consequences may come, but at the last second, his fear had returned in full force and he’d gotten angry.More with himself than with Damen.

“I don’t know,” Laurent admitted, hugging the pillow closer.

“It shouldn’t be this hard, Laurent.Not when you love him as much as you do.”

“I make everything difficult, Jord.Surely, you know that by now.”

“If you’re trying to make me feel bad for you, it’s not working.”

“I’m not,” Laurent murmured.“Why are you even here?Go home, be with Nikandros and Damen.They need you more than I do.”

“Stop that.There is no one who needs me more.”

“I’m fine.”

“Please stop saying that.You’re not convincing anyone.”

Sighing, Laurent scooted across the bed and laid down, facing the wall.If he just ignored Jord, maybe he would leave.

“That’s not going to work.We’re talking about this.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m friends with Damen, too, and somehow I ended up in the middle of this.It’s horrible, by the way.It’s not just Damen you’re hurting.”

“Leave, then.”

“Alright,” Jord said, pulling the covers off Laurent and forcibly tugging him up.As soon as he could, Laurent jerked away from his touch and glared at him.“I’m tired of this fucking pity party.This is your goddamn fault and frankly, it’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever witnessed.I understand that you don’t want to get hurt again, but, at some point, you decided that Damen was someone who was allowed to hurt you.You started dating him, after all, and that’s kind of the contract you enter into.I know you can do it again.Hell, I know you want to.”

“I really don’t,” Laurent said stubbornly.There was no point mentioning that he already had and that the only person who needed protecting was Damen.

Softening slightly, Jord whispered, “He’s so in love with you, Laurent.But, right now, I promise you he’s out there wondering why the hell he is.He’s out there realizing the second chance failed and that it’s really time to move on.You’re going to lose him because you’re an idiot.”

“Then I lose him.It’s what I wanted, after all.”

“‘Wanted’,” Jord quoted, forcing their eyes to meet. 

When Laurent didn’t reply, preferring to pretend like he was a stone wall, Jord rolled his eyes and stood.“Fine.I can see I’m going to get nowhere with you tonight.Just think about it.”

Laurent nodded.

When Jord was at the doorway, he paused and then turned.“You’re letting fear rule your life.That’s not you.And Damen is probably not worth being scared of.”

“That’s not true,” Laurent whispered.“He’s terrifying.”

Jord looked at him sadly and then left, shutting the door behind him.Getting back under the covers, finding a comfortable position, Laurent closed his eyes and pondered Jord’s words.It was true that he was letting fear control him, something he’d promised himself he wouldn’t do any longer after he’d managed to get out from under his uncle.But, in all honesty, once he and Damen had ended, Laurent had wondered if he wasn’t destined to be in love, if it wasn’t meant for someone like him.It was better for Damen to move on.He would be happier in the end.He’d hurt Damen enough.

Deciding sleep was the only option for the night, Laurent flicked the light off and tried not to cry.

 

He woke up to a text two hours later.It was from Jord.

_J: You’re going to have to fight for him.But I think he wants you to.Please, god, Laurent, at least talk to him.He deserves the chance to say fuck you if that’s what he wants to say._

 

Weeks started to slip by, Laurent hardly even noticing.He went to work, he cooked, and cleaned, but beyond that, he laid in bed.Nobody was talking to him, anyway.Nicaise was pissed.When Jord had tried to talk to him about it again, Laurent had snapped and pushed him away.Damen hadn’t even tried to talk to him.While that was to be expected, it still hurt a little.Because he was a selfish human being who wanted to be fought for, but didn’t want to do the fighting himself.Fighting, especially for a person, for love, was putting your heart on the line, letting your feelings hang out for everyone to see and Laurent was terrible at that.

The worst part was how much he missed Damen.For the first time in his life, his brain wasn’t obeying him. 

Those weeks, the weeks when they’d been trying to be friends, something Laurent should’ve known was impossible—why he was making so many goddamn mistakes was beyond him—had felt so right.They’d floated easily back into their roles, their ease, their world and it had been exactly what he’d needed.Part of him was willing to admit it was worth fighting for, but another part of him, a stronger, anxiety-driven part, wondered if Damen would be happier in the long run if he moved on.Maybe they were destined to repeat the same mistakes for eternity.There was no sense in fighting fate.

 

On a warm sunny day, four weeks later, Laurent returned from work and found Nicaise sitting on the porch steps, blowing bubbles and watching them float to the sky.When he saw Laurent, he said, “Sit the fuck down.”

“Nicaise…”

“We’re talking.”

“Can I at least go change?”

“No,” Nicaise said.When Laurent sat, Nicaise said, “Damen texted me a couple days ago.He’s started seeing Erasmus, his bookkeeper.”

“Right,” Laurent murmured, pain practically incapacitating him.“Good for him.”

“Jesus fucking christ,” Nicaise sighed, setting the bubbles down and grabbing Laurent’s chin and forcing his head to the side so that they were looking at each other.“I’m tired of this.You’ve been moping for long enough.It’s still early in their relationship.It’s time you get the fuck over whatever you’re afraid of and go down to the bookshop and show him what he means to you, before you hurt both Damen and Erasmus.I get it’s scary, I get he could hurt you, I get that you think you don’t deserve him, I get all of it, I do, but when is it going to get through your thick skull that you are it for him.However horrible, however insane, you are the person he would abandon anyone and anything for.You’re his trump card.Literally all you have to do is tell him how much he matters and it’s the least you can do, you selfish bastard.He’s done it for you a hundred thousand times over.”

“That’s because he’s a good person.”

“So are you,” Nicaise said firmly.“You are the best person I know.Your problem is that you have a penchant for making big mistakes.You don’t make many, but you make big ones.You love him?”

“You know I do.”

“You miss him?”

“Yes.”

“Seems pretty fucking simple to me.”

“Nothing is that simple,” Laurent murmured.

“What do I need to say to make you realize there’s nothing to be afraid of here?”

“I can’t…”He took a deep, shaky breath and then started crying, silent tears, but they were streaming down his face and they wouldn’t stop, no matter what he did.He could feel Nicaise’s shock beside him.But then, surprisingly, Nicaise wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him close.

He was so overwhelmed.This was the problem with Damen, the reason they’d broken up, the reason they kept fighting.He made Laurent feel too many goddamn things at once and it ruined all sanity in his brain, the one part of him he counted on above everything else.For so long, he’d stifled feeling.He didn’t know how to deal with it.These past weeks had been his attempts to do just that and it had resulted in him being depressed. 

“What is it?” Nicaise whispered.

“Loving him.It’s too much.It’s always been too much.I don’t know how to…how do I make it manageable?”

“You stop being scared of it.You accept it and all that comes with it.That was your mistake two years ago.You didn’t do that.I remember, you were so sure there would be an end date.I watched you fulfill your own goddamn prophecy.This time, you can do it differently.”

“Can I?”

“Yes, you can,” Nicaise said.“I know because you’ve done it with me.I’m the one person you don’t give up on, no matter how much we fight or how irritating I am.”

Laurent buried his face in Nicaise’s shoulder and kept crying, letting out all that he had bottled up for days, weeks, years.Nicaise held him until the wracking sobs stopped, until Laurent managed to sit up and wipe away the tears himself.He was at a complete loss as to what came next, so he asked Nicaise.“What do you think I should do?”

“Tell him the truth.All of it.”

“Is it going to be enough?”

Nicaise shrugged.“Maybe not.You did a really good job at hurting him this time around.”

“I can’t do it,” Laurent reiterated.“If it works—somehow—I’ll need it to be slow because I still don’t know if I can trust him, not after what he did, and I’m not sure we’re capable of slow.”

“You are the single most controlled person I’ve met,” Nicaise said.“You can make it slow.Damen will be happy to, as long as he has you.”Then, in a very soft voice, he continued by saying, “What did he do?You never told me.”

“He wanted me to report Uncle to the police.When I told him I couldn’t, he kept pressing, calling out all my insecurities and weaknesses.He was angry because I’d asked him if he was fucking Jokaste and…but he knew better.I know he did.”

“He’ll take it slow if you ask him to.”

“You have an answer for everything, don’t you?” Laurent asked in a whisper.

“Frankly, I suggest we go now.You still look like you’ve been crying.That’ll win you points.”

“Jesus,” Laurent said.

With a sigh, Nicaise said, “Listen, it’s pretty simple.You two made mistakes and now, you’re being stupid.At least let him have closure, whichever way it goes.”

“I…okay,” Laurent breathed, rubbing his eyes again.“I’m going to go change and I’ll…let you know.”

Without waiting for a response, Laurent fled, running up the stairs and into the bathroom in his room, gazing at himself in the mirror.Brushing his hair straight and wiping underneath his eyes, he thought about what Nicaise had said as calmly as he could.

Running the water, he splashed his face and unlocked the door that held back the past memories with Damen, a door he only opened late at night when he was lonely and even then, he only allowed himself one or two before he closed it back up.This time, though, he let them all flow out.Damen coming home after a long day at work and kissing every inch of Laurent’s face until Laurent burst into laughter, Damen holding him as he cried after he talked about the abuse he’d suffered, Damen bringing him lunch at work, Damen calling him and telling him he loved him every fifteen minutes one work day.They went on and on and the more he remembered, the more he felt like he had then.Of course Damen was worth fighting for.He knew it wasn’t easy loving him, but Damen had done it and he’d made it look easy.They had made mistakes, they had been stupid, and this time, Laurent was going to make sure they weren’t.They were going to talk, they were going to go slow, and they were going to go to the ugliest places in the past and face them and fight about them and apologize for them.If Damen let them, anyway.It would be more than understandable if he didn’t.

Before he lost his nerve, he bounded down the stairs, threw Nicaise his keys and said, “You drive.”

 

Nicaise parked and then turned to look at Laurent.  “Ready?”

“No.”

“I’m proud of you, you know.”

Laurent smiled softly.“I do believe that was nice.”

“Try not to get into a fight, okay?”

“I can’t promise anything.”

Nicaise laughed.“I know.”

Laurent got out of the car and closed the door, straightening his clothes and hair, staring at the bookshop a few shops down from where he was standing.He could do this.Even if it didn’t work, Damen deserved to know.He deserved an explanation. 

Behind him, the window was rolled down.Turning, he saw Nicaise, a slightly nervous expression on his face.

“What?”

“Sometimes he and Erasmus…hang out in the bookshop.If he’s there, I need you to not let it freak you out, okay?”

Laurent groaned.“Excellent.”

“Just be you.”

“Not necessarily a good idea,” Laurent murmured.

“Shut up and go.”

Nodding, Laurent walked down the street and peered through the glass door.Technically, the bookshop was closed, but there was a soft light emanating from inside and Laurent saw Damen, sitting on the floor, sharing a bottle of wine with Erasmus.They weren’t sitting particularly close or doing anything, but it felt rude to interrupt.They looked happy.But he wasn’t going to back to the car, back to Nicaise, without doing what he came to do.He was a survivor.This kind of situation was one he was built for.

Letting his face fall into a blank mask, he rapped on the door.Heads swiveled to him.It was impossible to read Damen’s face in the dull light.There was a bit of chatting, but eventually Damen stood up and came to the door.Unlocking it and opening it a sliver, he raised his eyebrows at Laurent.

“I’d like to talk.”

“That’s nice.”

“Explain, then.”

Damen considered that for a moment and then sighed heavily.“Can we do this later?I’m kind of busy right now.”

“I can see that.The problem is, I’m not sure I’ll be able to do this any other time.”

“How important can it really be, then?”

“Please, Damen.”

Opening his mouth and then closing it, Damen let the door swing shut and wandered back to Erasmus, muttering a few quick words and then kissing him softly on the cheek.Then Erasmus left the store, shooting a curious look at Laurent as he passed.Before the door closed, Damen’s voice wormed it’s way through.“Well?Come in.”

Stepping inside, Laurent searched for a place to stand and then decided the place he was in now was as good as any other.Damen remained over ten feet away, his arms crossed.“I don’t suppose it will matter if I tell you I really don’t want to hear this.”

“Not at all,” Laurent answered, reading pain and anger in the lines in Damen’s face and the tenseness of his usually relaxed body.He took a minute to try and find a good place to start, but then he just threw caution to the wind.Nicaise had told him he needed to fight, to wear his heart on his sleeve, and that’s what he was going to do.“Do you remember when I came in here after the wedding?”

Damen nodded jerkily.

“Do you remember telling me that you wanted me to tell you that we were stupid?That you wanted me to push you against a wall and kiss you?That you wanted me to stay?”

“I was just trying to rile you up.”

It stung, but he kept pushing forward.It was something he had practice at, thanks to his uncle.“We were stupid, Damen.So stupid.I shouldn’t have believed, even for a second, you would sleep with Jokaste, not when you were so in love with me.I shouldn’t have told Nicaise that we were over when we very definitively weren’t, when I didn’t want to be.I shouldn’t have been scared, I shouldn’t be scared now, but I am.I shouldn’t have thought of you as some pawn in a game, because that’s sick and not at all what you are to me.I shouldn’t have kissed you.Not because I didn’t want to, I very much did, but because it was the wrong time.You shouldn’t have pressed me about my uncle.You should’ve listened when I told you no and understood that that was enough to break my trust.While it’s not technically your fault or your problem, you shouldn’t have let everything slide last month, just in the interest of keeping me happy.You should’ve pressed me, because I needed it.We should’ve fought more, we should’ve made up more, we should’ve communicated more, we should’ve realized so much earlier that it wasn’t over, we should’ve apologized, we should’ve listened to our friends.

“I’m so in love with you, I have been for years, and I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.I’m sorry for everything I’ve done wrong, for how messed up I let myself get.I’m sorry I didn’t come and tell you this immediately after the shittiest thing I’ve ever done.And I’m even more sorry that it might not be enough this time.But I would understand.I need you to know that.Because what I did was selfish and manipulative and cruel.Don’t forgive me just because you feel like you have to.I don’t want that.

“It’s so simple really and I don’t know how I didn’t see it before now.I just want you back.I’ve wanted you back since the second I lost you.”

“I’m seeing Erasmus,” Damen said, voice distant.It was obvious he was shocked and that he couldn’t come up with any other words.

“I know.And it’s so selfish of me to ask you to leave him for me.But that’s who I am.Surely you know that by now.”

There was a long silence, an uncomfortable one, but Laurent didn’t break eye contact with Damen.He had to make sure Damen understood how serious he was.

“I…” Damen whispered.“I don’t…”

Walking forward, Laurent laid a hand on Damen’s cheek.Extending to the tips of his toes, he kissed Damen on the cheekbone.“Take your time.It would be kind of you to let me know what you decide, but I’ll understand if you don’t even manage that.”

Then, somehow, he moved away.“I’m going to go,” he murmured.“Thank you for letting me talk.”When he walked out of the door, Damen didn’t stop him.It practically wrenched him in two, but it didn’t surprise him.It was what he deserved.

When he got back to the car, he slid into the passenger seat silently.

“How’d it go?” Nicaise asked.

Laurent bit his lip, looking down at his lap, and then shook his head.

Sighing, Nicaise nodded and started the car.“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, Laurent.”

“Don’t be.”

“We’re going to go get ice cream.”

“I’d rather not,” Laurent sighed, gazing out the window, wondering if he’d ever see Damen again.Probably not.It was pretty obvious now that they were incapable of being friends and after what he’d done, that was apparently all Damen would be able to give him.

“I don’t care.We’re going to have to get used to this and I am not letting you waste away in bed.If that means I have to forcibly remove you and take you places, that’s what I’ll do.”

After a pause, Laurent said, “You’re not going to stop seeing Damen, are you?”

With a slight wince, Nicaise shook his head.“No.Of course not.He’s my best friend.”

“Good.”

Nicaise clearly had nothing to say to that.Tilting his head up to the blue of the sky, he watched it as Nicaise drove, finding comfort in its utter vastness.

They got their ice cream, Laurent eating hardly any of his, and then they went home, Nicaise offering to watch something.Knowing this was the one day of the rest of his life that he would be able to get away with moping, he shook his head and went to his room, changing into a shirt that once, years ago, had been Damen’s—he’d never given it back and Damen had never asked—he got into bed.He tried to read for awhile, but that wasn’t working, so he simply stared at the ceiling and willed his thoughts into submission.It was possible for him to feel nothing.He’d accomplished it before.He could accomplish it again.

The buzzing of his phone distracted him.Raising himself onto an elbow, Laurent grabbed his phone and practically dropped it in shock.It was a text from Damen, only two words long: _Woo me._

_L: I’ll knock you off your feet._

_D: If you say so_

 

The next day, Laurent left the building for his lunch break and went to a local sushi place and took some to go.  He didn’t particularly love sushi, but Damen did and when they’d been dating, they’d hardly ever gone, Laurent getting his way more often.  Then he stopped by a coffee shop and got a tall vanilla steamer for the both of them.

Arriving at the bookshop, he entered and saw Damen busy in the back with some customers, one of them a small child.Damen was holding up a Percy Jackson book in one hand and the first Harry Potter in the other, smiling kindly as he waited for the child to make a decision.Taking a sip of the vanilla steamer, Laurent stood to the side of the door and waited, feeling more and more antsy each second that passed by.

Eventually, the family headed towards the front desk to purchase Harry Potter and Damen caught his eye, raising his eyebrows and shaking his head imperceptibly, before doing his job, thanking the family and waving at the child as they left.When they were gone, he looked at Laurent again but remained behind his desk.

Stepping forward, Laurent said, “Do you have time for lunch?”

“I could.What have you got there?”

“Sushi and a vanilla steamer.”

There was a flash of genuine surprise in Damen’s eyes.“You got sushi?Wow, I’m already being spoiled.”

Laurent desperately wanted to say something that minimized the gesture, but it wouldn’t be accomplishing what Damen had tasked him with accomplishing.Instead, he sat on a familiar place on the floor and pulled three containers of sushi out of the bag, complete with chopsticks.Damen joined him, folding his legs underneath his body and leaning back on his hands.Popping open the containers, Laurent unwrapped one pair of chopsticks and said, “These are California Rolls, those are Tiger Rolls, and those there are Hungry Rolls.Which would you like first?”

“California, please,” Damen said, holding out his hand.

Using the chopsticks to pick one roll up, Laurent swallowed his fear and vulnerability and reached across the distance between them, holding out the roll in an invitation for Damen to eat it.Pausing just briefly, Damen extended his neck and captured the roll between his teeth and then sucked it into his mouth, closing his eyes as he chewed.“Damn, that’s good,” he murmured.When he opened his eyes, he bit his lip and pondered Laurent.In a careful voice, that only managed to sound flirtatious because he was trying so hard, Damen said, “I bet you can step up your game, though.”

He needed a normal response.Something he would say if this were a normal situation and they were having a good time.He was trying to woo, after all.For a second, he pondered forcing flirtation back, but instead, he let his insecurities show as he said, almost questioningly, “You are shameless.”

Damen smiled.“Can I have a Tiger next?”

Setting down the chopsticks, making sure to do it on one of the lids so that they didn’t touch the floor, which he was relatively confident wasn’t clean, as Damen hated cleaning of any kind, Laurent picked up the next roll with his fingers and gently pressed the roll against Damen’s lips, waiting for him to part them, hoping he would.When he did, Laurent practically laughed, placing it on his tongue and then, continuing his brave streak, brushing Damen’s bottom lip with the pads of his fingers as he removed them.

Damen chewed, then smiled at his lap.In a soft voice, Laurent said, “Surely you won’t hide that smile from me when I haven’t seen it in so long?”

Warm, brown eyes met his and the smile turned tender and awed.“I can’t believe it.You actually meant it, didn’t you?”

“That is not the kind of mind game I would play, Damen.”When Damen raised his eyebrows, Laurent murmured, “Whatever other mind games I might play.”

Another smile graced Damen’s face, and then he asked, “So, what have you been doing the past three weeks?Four?”

“Four weeks, two days,” Laurent said.

Damen laughed.“Yeah, I know.”

Figuring conversation would be easier if they could both eat whenever they wanted, Laurent handed over the chopsticks and opened his own.Taking a roll for himself, he ate it, not minding the taste terribly.Damen’s eyes were lingering on the vanilla steamer, so he handed it over, their fingertips brushing as they made the exchange.These little touches were going to drive Laurent crazy before long.“Awful, actually,” Laurent said.“Yours?”

“Alright.”

“I bet Erasmus helped.”

“You do not get to be bitter about that,” Damen said sternly, his eyes suddenly closed off again.

“No, you’re right, I don’t,” Laurent said honestly.

“Wow, that went better than I expected.”

“I’ve developed a new strategy, you see,” Laurent said, eating another roll.“I spent months, years really, terrified that you would worm your way in and break my heart again.I’ve already lost the first part of that battle, so I’ve decided that I’m simply going to ensure you don’t have the opportunity or desire to do any damage.”It was an insane gamble, to admit so much so soon, but that was the definition of who Laurent was.Hopefully it would work.

There was a beat of silence and then Damen burst into laughter, shaking his head.“I don’t know how you do it.I’ll be perfectly honest, I was going to drag this out for awhile, but you’re making it difficult somehow.”

“Oh, don’t give up now, Damen.I was going to bring you flowers tomorrow and serenade you with a cheesy Taylor Swift song.”

“I…” Damen stopped, taking a sip of the steamer before continuing.“I was really fucking upset, Laurent.I’m not saying that…well, I don’t really know what I’m saying.It’s not entirely all in the past for me, I guess.I think I need this—whatever it is—to go slow.At least, right now that’s how I feel.”

“It’s you and me, Damen.Us, if you will.”After a momentary pause, Laurent said, “And I need it to go slow, too.I don’t think you understand quite what you do to me.Often, it’s too much.”

“Good god,” Damen breathed.

“What?”

“I didn’t expect you to be so committed.”

“Never underestimate me.”

“Have you really been in love with me the entire time?” Damen asked softly.

“Do we really have to hash out my speech?I’d prefer if I never had to talk about it.”

“That’s too bad,” Damen said.

Laurent gazed at him, trying to decide when it would be okay to draw borders and if he wanted to draw them now, when he was trying to convince Damen that this was real.Taking a deep breath, he said, “I’m not saying that you aren’t allowed to press me when…”

“Relax, Laurent,” Damen interrupted.“I don’t need an answer to that.”

For some reason, that gave Laurent the freedom and confidence to admit the truth.“Yes.I really was.”

“You’re a pretty good actor.”

“I am when I need to be.I’m sorry I thought I needed to be.”

Nodding, Damen downed another three rolls and then wiped his hands on his pants before standing.“How much longer do you have in your lunch break?”

Glancing down at the watch on his wrist, Laurent said, “I should leave in ten minutes.”

Damen hummed in acknowledgement of the information and disappeared into the back room.A few second later, he returned with a box in his hands.It was unlabeled, but Laurent could tell from the worn edges that it had been opened and closed a number of times.Setting it down in front of Laurent, Damen said, “These are books I read over the past two years that I thought you would like.They’re yours.Obviously, I don’t expect you to take them to work with you, so you can pick them up whenever.”

“I thought I was doing the wooing,” Laurent murmured, opening the box and digging through the contents.He had read some of them, but there was a significant chunk that he hadn’t.It was obviously a peace offering.Damen was going to let him try again for some reason.Thank god.

“It can be mutual.”

“Thank you, Damen.”

“Yeah,” he said, scratching the back of his neck, clearly feeling nervous and vulnerable.Laurent smiled at him, verifying the truth of his thanks.That eased some of the tension and Damen asked, “Read all of them?”

“No.”

“Hallelujah.”

“I’m afraid you’ve one upped me.”

“I was always better at this part than you.”

“Yes, you were,” Laurent chuckled, closing up the box and standing.

“Got anything else up your sleeve?”

“I’m afraid not.I can only have so much prepared at a time.I can cook you dinner tonight, though.Play the piano for you.I’ll even find my _Lord of the Rings_ sheet music,” Laurent said.

“Is it a date?”

“If you don’t object.”

“I don’t,” Damen said, with a careful smile.“I definitely don’t.”

“Come over after work, then.”

“You have to go.”

Laurent smiled, actually pleased for once that Damen could read him.“I do,” he admitted.

“I wish you wouldn’t.”

“Someone has to make the money.”

“Is this stupid?” Damen murmured.

It took all of Laurent’s self control not to roll his eyes.Of course it was, but that didn’t mean they weren’t going to do it.Knowing that wasn’t an answer Damen would want to hear or that would do him any favors, Laurent said the other truth, “I won’t run if you won’t.”

“Can you really promise that?”

Laurent nodded.“I’m tired of running from you, Damen.”Reaching down, he took Damen’s hand in his and brought the back of it to his lips, kissing it softly.“We’re going to do it right this time.I’m going to do it right this time.”

Sincerely grinning this time, Damen whispered, “I’ve loved you this entire time, too, you know.”

“Oh, I know.A very drunk version of you told me.That very drunk version of you is also the reason we’re standing here right now, so we probably shouldn’t be too hard on him.”

“Weren’t you leaving?”

“Yes,” Laurent said.“I’ll see you tonight.”

“Tonight,” Damen replied.

They both laughed, almost nervously, and then Laurent let go of Damen’s hand and left, keeping his back straight and his pace even.There was only so much dignity he could let go of.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is probably a mess...it was one of the harder chapters to write, but I hope it makes some sense  
> There's nothing new to report, but I do love you guys to death and I'm so impressed with you for sticking this one out.  
> As always, thanks to Mari for her emails and her kindness   
> Enjoy! <3

Damen set Fred on his shoulders and said, “Do you think he’ll laugh at me if I change clothes?”

He’d been standing in front of his mirror for five minutes, debating.It wasn’t like he didn’t look good, but he also wanted to get across how important this was to him.Because, despite Laurent’s excellent reassurance skills, Damen was still raw from their last fight and there was a tiny voice in the back of his brain telling him Laurent could change his mind at any moment.Damen wasn’t entirely sure what had made Laurent come to him, after all.That was something to ask tonight.

He hadn’t told Nikandros or Jokaste about what had happened yet, not wanting to take it all back later if he had to.It was his goal to tell them tonight after dinner, though, because he knew Jord wasn’t talking to Laurent and that kind of isolation had never suited him.When Laurent was alone, he got used to it and did nothing to remedy it.Yet another reason why his sudden shift regarding them was strange.

What was undeniable, though, was that Laurent had done what Damen had always imagined was impossible for him.Laurent wasn’t one for sharing his emotions or feelings.Or for apologizing, for that matter.Never, in a million years, had Damen imagined that Laurent would walk into the bookstore and say anything of that nature.It had been even more surprising when Laurent had come back the next day.In all honesty, when he’d asked Laurent to woo him, he’d expected to be ignored.Because, essentially, what Damen was asking for, was hours of Laurent having his heart as on the line as he’d had it when he’d declared he wanted Damen back.

Maybe it was a mistake to let Laurent try again, but it was impossible not to.Damen loved him and he understood why Laurent had done what he’d done and he understood how difficult it was for Laurent to do what he was doing now. 

When Fred started clawing at his neck, trying to play with the curls, Damen knew it was time to go.“Yeah, yeah, I’m going.Go play with your brother, wherever he is.”He set down Fred and collected everything he needed, including a bottle of red wine, one of Laurent’s favorites.Then he left the house, driving over to Laurent’s.

Knocking on the door, he mussed around with his hair one last time, and then Nicaise opened it, grinning like a maniac.“Fancy seeing you here.”

Damen laughed and ruffled Nicaise’s hair, which Nicaise allowed grudgingly.“Are you going to let me in?”

“I don’t know.What are your intentions?”

“They’re entirely honorable, I promise.”

“Good,” Nicaise said, suddenly serious.“Because I think he’s losing his mind.Be gentle with him.”

“Damn,” Damen said.“There goes my plan of drinking this entire bottle of wine and yelling at him for no good reason.”

Nicaise rolled his eyes and then turned, yelling, “I’m going now, Laurent.Have fun.”

“Be careful driving home,” Laurent called, likely from the kitchen, which Damen could only see a small glimpse of.“It’s supposed to rain tonight.”

“I’ll be fine.”

Nicaise and Damen switched places.For a second, Damen considered asking Nicaise to stay.He wouldn’t mind his company.But he also realized how important tonight was, so he just smiled at Nicaise and told him to have fun and then shut the door.Strolling to the back of the house, Damen peered into the kitchen and saw Laurent sautéing something, a towel thrown over his shoulder, a simple white tee accentuating the lines of his body.It reminded Damen vividly of times he’d gone to Laurent’s apartment after work and had slipped up behind him, asked what he was cooking, and then kissed up and down his neck until Laurent had shoved him away.

“Hi,” Laurent said, looking at him.

“Well, you changed clothes,” Damen said nonsensically, a little thrown off by the whole situation.

“Yes, I did,” Laurent replied, smiling.“You didn’t.”

“I thought about it.”

“Ah, there’s the context I was missing.Why don’t you set that bottle of wine down before you drop it?”

“Why would I drop it?”

Laurent bit down on his lip, obviously preventing himself from laughing.“Let’s see, there’s the time you were drinking a glass of water and I wandered in without a shirt on, or there was the time you had a can of beer in your hand and I told you I loved you.You’ve got a similar expression on your face, you see.”

“A sound argument,” Damen said, setting the bottle of wine on the counter.Unsure what else to do, he walked over to the stove and leaned against the counter right beside it and watched Laurent cook green beans in some sort of transparent sauce.It smelled lemony.“What else are you making for me?”

“There’s jambalaya in the oven right now.”

“My mom’s recipe?” Damen murmured.

“Yes.Is that alright?”

“Yeah.”

Laurent lifted his eyes from the green beans.“I thought, maybe, it would help, which I’m realizing might have been a bit presumptuous of me, but I don’t really know what I’m doing.If…”

“It does.Help, I mean,” Damen interrupted.“I just…did you have to pick something that might make me cry?”

“I’m afraid so.I wanted it to mean something to you.”

Feeling his knees go a little weak, Damen asked, “Are all of your rules off the table now?Because I really, really want to touch you.”

“Technically, they are, yes.”

“Why did you make that sound like I can’t touch you?” Damen complained.

“I think maybe we should pretend this is a first date and you should only be allowed first date gestures.”

“I’m pretty sure I kissed you on our first date.”

“Yes, but not until the end,” Laurent said with a sly smile.

Deciding to lay off for now, Damen turned to another thing he had questions about.He had so many, really.They could do this all night.“Nicaise mentioned you were going out of your mind.”

“It’s nice knowing he has my back,” Laurent said sarcastically.“I’m fine.I swear.”

“Not even considering changing your mind?”

Turning off the stove and moving the pan to an unused burner, Laurent set down the wooden spoon he’d been using to stir and then faced Damen.“I realize my behavior has been contradictory, but that’s because I didn’t know what I wanted.That’s another thing I’d like to apologize for, incidentally.I shouldn’t have allowed a single goddamn thing until I knew what I wanted, because I was bound to hurt you.It’s just, you’re so…” Laurent trailed off, deciding to end that train of thought.“But, you know me, Damen.Once I’ve made a decision, I don’t take it back.”

“So, why are you losing your mind?”

Laurent laughed softly.“I’m just nervous.Very nervous.I know I’ve a lot to make up for.”

“I’m nervous, too.”And he was.He hadn’t really realized it until now, but his stomach was definitely tying itself into knots. 

They smiled at each other, neither looking away, and Damen felt himself relaxing gradually, finding himself in a familiar situation.Damen was about to ask when the food was going to be ready, when the timer ran out on the oven and started beeping.Laurent ran his fingers through his hair before grabbing a pair of oven mitts and pulling out the jambalaya.“I think we’re ready to eat,” he declared.

Now that the food was out of the oven, he could really smell it and it smelled exactly like his mom’s used to, spicy and meaty, with a hint of whatever it was that made food feel like home.It had been her favorite thing to make for Damen when he had come home for the weekend in college.There was a burning sensation in his chest and Damen bent his head, closing his eyes.Swallowing hard, he murmured, “Smells good.”

Laurent’s hand, slightly sweaty and shaky with nerves, rested against his neck and Damen inhaled sharply, bending further and resting his head against Laurent’s shoulder.The hand slid to the nape of Damen’s neck and gripped it hard, rooting Damen in the here and now, something that only Laurent knew to do.“It was too much,” Laurent whispered.

“No.”

“I miss her, too, you know.Both of them.They were kind to me when very few people were.”

“Is it unfair that a part of me blames you for not being there?”

“No,” Laurent murmured.

“Nik told me you were at the funeral.I didn’t see you.”

“I was very discreet.”

“It meant something to me.When I found out.”

“You weren’t meant to find out, but I’m glad, nonetheless,” Laurent said, moving his hand up and into the curls at the base of Damen’s head, running his fingers through over and over again. 

“This isn’t normal for a first date,” Damen whispered.

“You weren’t about to cry on our first date.Maybe this is what I would’ve done.How would you really know for sure?”

Damen smiled, the urge to cry passing in the wake of Laurent telling one of those jokes that took intimate knowledge of who he was to understand.

“Still hungry?” Laurent asked.

“Starved, actually.”

“Let’s eat then.”

“Okay.”

“I think that necessitates the removal of your head from my shoulder, unfortunately.”

Damen laughed and did as he was asked, Laurent’s hand falling away.Grabbing two plates, Laurent doled out large, but even servings of jambalaya and green beans.Without a word, he walked towards the sliding glass door into the backyard, shifted one plate to his forearm, and opened the door.Picking up his bottle of wine, he followed Laurent and saw that the small plastic table on the porch was decked in a clean white table cloth, candles, and wine glasses.There wasn’t a bottle of wine, though, and Damen shook his head in disbelief.Laurent had known he would bring some over.

Setting down the plates, Laurent pulled out Damen’s chair and gestured for him to sit.“You know,” Damen said as he took a seat, “you’re better at this than I imagined you would be.”

Only when Laurent had taken his own seat and poured out two glasses of wine—studiously ignoring Damen’s shocked expression at the knowledge Laurent was going to drink with him—he said, “If it helps, it is not coming naturally.”

“Did you google how to court someone?”

“No.”Then after a brief pause, Laurent said, “Nicaise did.”

“Google knows it’s shit, then.”

Laurent laughed genuinely and took a tiny sip of wine.Then another one.“I’m going to have to be careful,” he said.

“No tolerance?”

“No.That hasn’t changed.”

“Why are you drinking at all?”

Jaw clenching, Laurent swirled the wine around in the glass.“Two reasons.The first is that it’ll make it easier for me to be open with you in the way I want to be.The second—the larger reason—is a surprise.”

“A surprise?I feel honored.”

“You should.”

They smiled at each other, then down at their meals, before digging in and eating.The sun was lowering in the sky, oranges and pinks streaming into existence and small bugs began to flit above their heads.It was warm, the food was delicious, and Laurent was with him, smiling and laughing and flirting.It felt too good to be true.When they were done, Laurent simply leaned back in his chair and gazed at the sky, face calm, body almost relaxed.The empty wine glass was probably helping with that.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” Laurent said, turning to him, eyes bright and interested.For some reason, that was enough to take Damen’s breath away.It was interesting, being in the situation they were in, because none of what was happening was technically new.Laurent had drank with him before, that exact expression had been trained on him before, but it was still thrilling in the way new lovers were. 

“What changed?Why did you show up at the bookshop that night and provide me with, perhaps, the single most romantic moment in my life?”

“Was it really?”

“Kind of,” Damen admitted.“I mean, there was that one time, just after we had sex, when you…”

Laurent flushed and interrupted with, “When I let a few words slip accidentally.We’d been seeing each other for four months. There’s no way you actually believed that…”

“That you basically proposed to me?”

“I did no such thing.”

“Oh my god, Laurent.You totally did.”

Laurent’s lips were pursed, but then he said in a low voice, “That was the other contender for most romantic moment of your life?”

“Yeah.”

“Fine.I may have…insinuated something that was related to marriage.”

“May have insinuated,” Damen grumbled, trying not to burst into laughter.

“Can we please move on?I’ve already suffered a large degree of humiliation for that moment.”

“Sure,” Damen replied.“Time to answer my question.”

“It was a lot of things,” Laurent murmured, turning his eyes back to the sky, which was purple now, heading towards black.“Nicaise, Erasmus, how fucking miserable I was.You have to understand, Damen, I spent that entire month in a state of complete confusion.You were there and you were wonderful and all I did was think about what we had had, but I was convinced I would ruin it if we tried again.You didn’t deserve that and I couldn’t survive it.Then there was the fact I didn’t trust you because of all the things you said when you tried to get me to report my uncle.Your heart was in the right place, I think, but you weren’t listening.When I say no, it means no, in the exact same way it means no when I don’t want to be touched.”

“I know,” Damen whispered, “I…”

“Let me finish,” Laurent said.“All that changed was that I realized you were the one person who I could let love me.Or break my heart.Because you are the one person I trust to do both without pretense.You are honest and kind and very few are.I’d chosen to conveniently forget all of that in order to keep my sanity.And, of course, what you did in the past hardly matters now, after what I did to you.

“Nicaise brought it to my attention.Erasmus made me angry enough to confront it.”

“You were jealous?”

“No, not at all.I got angry because I thought it was so wonderful.”Then Laurent shifted his eyes from the sky to Damen and whispered, “How is he?”

“Do you care?”

“To be perfectly honest, no.But I know you do.”

“I haven’t seen him.I did call and…well, we hadn’t been seeing each other long and he knew I was in love with you, he knew this was a possibility, so he’s alright.I just feel bad for seeing him when I knew perfectly well it wasn’t going to work, not ever.He’s such a good person, too.Apparently, there was no question of him continuing to work for me.”

“If only I’d said something earlier,” Laurent murmured.

“There are a few things you could’ve done differently,” Damen replied.

When Laurent said nothing, choosing to look back out into his yard, Damen stood, grabbed the wine bottle, took a swig, and then said, “Well, what’s my surprise?”

“Might as well get it over with,” Laurent sighed.Getting up, Laurent gathered the plates and glasses and took them inside.Damen followed and then leaned against the kitchen counter as he watched Laurent wash off the plates and put them in the dishwasher.If it was anyone else, he would suggest this was something that could be done later, but Damen knew it was Laurent’s way of collecting himself for whatever was coming.It was true that his natural state was not one of the wooer and after tonight, Damen wouldn’t ask it of him any longer, one way or another.

Laurent dried his hands on a towel and then took Damen’s hand in his, pulling him into the living room, where the coffee table was pushed to the edge of the room.In the corner was an iHome and Laurent dropped Damen’s hand so he could go and put his phone in, pulling up a playlist on 8tracks.From the speakers came the scratchy voice of Eric Clapton, singing “Wonderful Tonight”.

Crossing the room, Laurent wound his arms around Damen’s neck and pulled himself close.“Since you accused me of never dancing with you,” he murmured.

Damen put his arms around Laurent, his body and mind light, feeling as though they could both fly away at any moment.They were dancing, it was a good song, a crazy romantic one, the lighting was dim, and Laurent’s eyes were locked onto his.It wasn’t as though he could fall in love, he was already helplessly there, but there was a swoop in his stomach and he was suddenly in as deep as he’d ever been.Until this moment, he hadn’t realized just how hard it was going to be to go slow.He didn’t think he wanted to anymore.But Laurent was right.If they hurtled back to where they’d been, mistakes would be made.Nothing should be done the same way twice and they’d always been good at hurtling.

“So,” Damen whispered, “this totally worked.”

“This was Auguste’s favorite song.Did I ever tell you that?”

“No.Why was it?”

Laurent shrugged, the motion traveling through Damen’s body.“I honestly don’t know.It does seem like a strange favorite song, doesn’t it?A little outside his time, a little slow, only truly perfect for very specific moments.”

“Like this one.”

“You’re such a sap.”

“You initiated the slow dancing.”

“Only because I knew you’d like it and I’m working very hard to get back into your good graces.”

“You’re there, Laurent,” Damen said.“Frankly, you were there the moment you said you wanted me back.I just thought I should try and make you understand what you did wasn’t okay.”

“I knew.”

“I know.Believe it or not, I have an intimate understanding of what goes on in that brain of yours.I just wish you’d come to me when you're scared is all.”

“I’ll come to you this time,” Laurent said and then he clutched closer to Damen and laughed softly when Damen dipped him, allowing it.

The next song started to play, “Sweet Caroline”, and Damen groaned.“This is a terrible playlist.”

Gasping loudly, obviously faking shock, Laurent said, “I’ll have you know 8tracks basically promised me this would do half of my seduction for me.”

Damen was about to disagree, but then Laurent spun him, the positioning slightly awkward due to their height difference, but that only made it better, somehow.When his eyes returned to Laurent’s, his protest didn’t make it out of his mouth.“What were we doing for the past two years?” he asked.It caused him an unnatural amount of pain to think they could’ve been doing this instead.

“I told you, didn’t I?We were stupid.”

“That was really me, you know.I planted the idea.”

Laurent smiled and moved one of his hands to Damen’s face, caressing the cheek.“I think you should kiss me now.”

“It won’t take another three weeks for us to talk again, right?”

“No.Unless you intend on kissing me for three weeks straight.”

“I don’t think even I have stamina for that.”

“Too bad, really,” Laurent said.

“Are you sure you aren’t going to freak out?This isn’t some ploy to rip my heart out and leave it on the floor?”

“I might freak out,” Laurent admitted, hiding his face against Damen’s shoulder.“But I promised you I wouldn’t run and I meant it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What?” Laurent asked, pulling back and staring at Damen quizzically.

“You keep interrupting my apology but I don’t want to kiss you again before I do.I’m sorry that I pushed you too far about your uncle.I’m sorry that I started pointing out all of the reasons you couldn’t report him, as though, somehow, my outlining of why they were idiotic reasons would change anything.”

“You’re forgiven,” Laurent said.“Helps that he’s dead.”

“We still need to talk about that.”

“We’ve done plenty of talking tonight,” Laurent said, his eyes slipping down to Damen’s lips and staying there.Unconsciously, Damen licked them and Laurent followed the movement of his tongue.

Bending down, Damen left his lips an inch or two away, flicking his eyes between Laurent’s lips and eyes.It built tension but it also gave him time to figure out how he wanted to do this.Finally, he pressed his lips to Laurent’s tenderly, not asking for a thing, letting Laurent decide where it went.

Unlike their last kiss, the one that had led to four weeks of hell, Laurent didn’t open his mouth or try to pull him towards the couch.All he did was arch his body into Damen’s and stroke the nape of his neck.

When Damen pulled away, he whispered the inevitable, the only consistently true thing between them, “I love you, Laurent.”

Laurent kissed him again.

“Too much?” Damen asked, leaning their foreheads together.

“Maybe a little.”

“Okay,” Damen laughed, tightening his hold, so that their embrace turned into a proper hug.While Laurent hadn’t said anything in return, and obviously wasn’t going to, Damen knew that Laurent was just as swayed by the events of the evening.It was in his decision to spin Damen, in the way he was burying his face into Damen’s neck, in the way every part of the night had been meticulously planned out.

With a light chuckle, Damen whispered, “If you’re not careful, you’re going to break one of my ribs.”

“I missed this,” Laurent mumbled, not loosening his hold in the slightest.

“Say that again.”

“I missed this.I missed you.You have no idea how much.”

“You could tell me.”

“I’m afraid that’s second date material,” Laurent said, pulling out of the hug and giving a cheeky half-smile.

“But I just told you I loved you,” Damen whined teasingly.

“Your prerogative.”

In a more serious tone, feeling it was in their interest to be honest and open this time around, Damen said, “I’m going to be absolutely terrible at this slow thing.I do not have your self control.”

“I have enough for both of us.”

“So…are we dating?”

“I believe that decision is entirely up to you.It’s my fault we’re where we are.”

Smiling, Damen shrugged.“I’ll tell you tomorrow, then.”

“What are you going to say?”

“That would defeat the purpose of telling you tomorrow.”And then, because he was feeling indulgent and flirtatious, he said, “I suppose I can’t sleep over.”

Laurent laughed.“I must be more talented at courting than I thought.”

“I’m just easy.”

He laughed again, louder and longer, without restraint, and Damen smiled helplessly, beyond grateful that he’d gotten to hear that sound again.When the laugh tapered off, though, Damen saw the first visible sign of indecision on Laurent’s face.It was a small, delightful shock when Damen realized Laurent desperately wanted him to stay the night.In a moment of restraint, one he wouldn’t have been capable of two years ago, Damen said, “I’ll go home.”

“Are you going now?” Laurent asked, somehow sounding casual.

“I really don’t want to.”

“I really don’t want you to.”

“Where does that leave us?”

“Stay.Watch an episode of something with me.Then, I suppose, I can let you go,” Laurent said.

“Sure you don’t want to imprison me here?I don’t think I’d mind.”

“Kinky.”

Damen burst into laughter, not expecting that response.Picking up the coffee table, he moved it back into place and then collapsed on the couch, keeping one arm resting on the back, an open invitation for Laurent.  It was one that Laurent accepted without a thought, curling his legs underneath his body and leaning his head on Damen’s chest, such a familiar position for them that the flood of memories were practically endless.Picking up the remote, Laurent handed it to Damen.“You pick something.”

“Want to finish _Westworld_?We never did.”

“Remember when we thought that was a commitment we could handle?”

“We’re a mess.”

“Entirely,” Laurent said.

“Is that a yes?”

“That’s a yes.”

Damen pulled up HBO and pressed play on the season finale, slipping his arm down from the top of the couch and around Laurent’s shoulders.He lasted fifteen minutes before he had to talk.“I didn’t think I would ever get this again.Did you?”

“Surely you remember I like to actually watch what’s on TV.”

“I do.”

“Shut up, then.”

When there was a momentary break in dialogue, Laurent whispered, “No, I didn’t.But I’m glad it did.”

 

Weeks passed and it came to Damen’s attention that he still hadn’t told anyone that he and Laurent were back together.It wasn’t on purpose, necessarily, but the two of them were busy trying to establish a base that couldn’t be broken in the future and didn’t want anyone to find their way in and create cracks.So far, it was working well, Laurent keeping himself open to any and all questions, answering them more honestly than he ever had in the past.Damen was grateful for multiple reasons, but mostly that Laurent was aware of the severity of what he’d done and kept himself in check for Damen, who had trouble maintaining his anger, however valid.

One sunny day, a month and a half after The Bookshop Incident, as Damen had started calling it, Nikandros came into the bookshop with coffee, immediately chattering away about something with Jord’s car.Damen had to admit he wasn’t really listening, too busy thinking about Laurent, trying to come up with a reason to text him that wouldn’t get him endlessly teased.

“That wasn’t the outraged response I was expecting,” Nikandros said, leaning against the front counter and sliding a cup of coffee to Damen.

“Hmm?”

Nikandros blinked and then launched back into the story with the same gusto he’d had before.“Jord called me.Apparently, the police came into his work and told him some asshole hit his car and then drove away.A fucking Lexus.Totaled.It got pushed up onto the curb and the axel broke.Anyway, I’m having a bad day so I thought I’d come hang out with you for lunch.”

“Shit, man, that sucks.”

“That was anticlimactic.Where’s your head at today?”

 _Thinking about when I can have sex with Laurent_ , Damen thought to himself.Right when Damen was about to respond with a weak lie, the bell on the door rang and they both turned to see Laurent slowly stepping into the store, two small paper bags in his hand.“It’s good I decided against coffee,” he said.

Nikandros’ head whipped back to Damen.“You two are talking again?When the hell did that happen?”Then, to himself, he said, “Goddammit, of course.Damen hasn’t been nearly miserable enough, you idiot.”

Smirking, Laurent strolled behind the counter, set down one of the bags in front of Damen and pecked him once on the mouth in greeting before picking up his coffee and taking a sip.Damen just set his lips into a thin line and waited for Nikandros to wrap his head around what he had just witnessed.He was expecting a blow up.

Sure enough, once Nikandros stopped staring, he pointed a finger at Laurent and said, “Listen here, motherfucker.I know it’s what he wants, so I’m not going to tell you to leave him the hell alone, but if you hurt him again, I will find a way to ruin your life.Admittedly, I have no idea how, but I’ll be really determined.Damen is a kind and gentle marshmallow, whatever he pretends, and he’ll accept you back into his life at any time as long as there is a sort of good apology.You’re a really shitty person if you take advantage of it, though.Just…please god tell me that you’re all in, that this is what you want, because if it’s not, break up with him now and save us all the trouble.”

“It’s what I want,” Laurent said firmly.

“Part of me thinks you would’ve said the same exact thing before you broke up with him.”

“Oh my god, Nik, leave it,” Damen said.“I’m relatively confident he means it.Isn’t that enough?”

“You forgive and trust everyone.”

“Not Kastor,” Damen said, searching for a good response that would make Nikandros shut up.

“I thought you were working to repair that,” Laurent said, taking out a ham, egg, and cheese croissant out of his bag and biting into it.“Also, I’d eat your sandwich.It’s already only luke-warm.”

Damen took out his sandwich and considered it.It looked absolutely delicious, but Laurent didn’t tend to bring him lunch as often as he was doing.“You can stop trying to woo me, you know,” he said.“I’ll just remind you for the millionth time.”

“I’m sorry, you're trying to woo him?” Nikandros asked.

Laurent looked disgruntled that that information had been shared with Nikandros.“Are you telling me you didn’t ever text him?” Laurent asked, moving back to the previous topic of conversation as if it hadn’t ever been interrupted.

“No,” Damen replied.“I chickened out.Or, actually, I was thinking about texting him but then we were in a fight and, well, I was uninterested in ruining any chance of reconciliation because I was angry with you.And then you were back and I got distracted.”

“You _wooed_ him.You, Laurent, did that,” Nikandros said.

Laurent rolled his eyes.“Do you understand social cues?”

“Yes, but I’m ignoring them.”

“He did,” Damen smiled.“He brought me sushi, we danced in his living room to “Wonderful Tonight”, he cooked me dinner, he took me to the aquarium one weekend, he calls me every night before bed…”

“And,” Laurent interrupted, opening up his book bag he carried with him to and from work, “I brought you flowers.”

It was a collection of simple, yellow daffodils, slightly smushed, but Damen was floored.Burying his nose into them, he breathed deeply and tried to calm the desire to spin Laurent around and kiss him senseless.“They’re beautiful,” Damen breathed.“I’ve never been given flowers before, you know.”

“I can see some of the appeal now,” Laurent said, leaning over and brushing his fingers against Damen’s cheek.“You’re blushing.”

It felt like more than Laurent would typically show, especially in front of company, and Damen was about to silently ask Laurent what he was doing, but then he saw Laurent’s eyes flick to Nikandros, judging him.Of course.He was trying to gain Nikandros’ trust.

“You brought him flowers,” Nikandros said flatly.

All Laurent did was stare at him.

“Alright,” Nikandros said reluctantly.“I buy it.Only because you have no way of knowing I’d be here today.I’ll still hurt you, though, if you fuck up.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.I was surprised you didn’t the first time.Or the second.”

Grimacing, Nikandros nodded his head at Damen.“He wouldn’t let me.He wouldn’t let anyone.Said that he didn’t want to hurt you, ironically.”

“Sounds like him,” Laurent said.

“It was incredibly irritating.”

“I’m sure.”

There was a careful, not entirely genuine smile from Nikandros and Damen almost let out a sigh of relief.They were going to be okay.When they’d bonded originally, it had been over the exact same thing, Damen’s oversimplification of the world and his inability to understand that not everybody was good or deserved his kindness.

With a sigh, Nikandros said, “Well, I’ll leave you two alone.”

“No,” Damen protested.“Stay.Please.”

“I wouldn’t object,” Laurent said.

Shaking his head, Nikandros replied, “No.I’m going to go call Jord and tell him the news.Make sure you tell Jokaste, yeah?Preferably soon, so she doesn’t find out from someone that isn’t you.You know she’d get upset about that.”

“I’ll call her tonight,” Damen said, feeling slightly guilty for not telling all of them sooner.

“Nikandros?” Laurent said.

“Yeah?”

“Could you ask Jord to call me?He won’t pick up any of my calls and I’d like to apologize, if possible.”

“I’ll pass along the message.I can’t promise anything.He’s still kind of pissed.Majorly pissed, actually.What did you even say to him?He won’t tell me and it happened months ago.”

“A number of things I regret,” Laurent said.

“Fine.Be vague.I’ll tell him.”Then Nikandros walked out of the bookshop, phone already pressed to his ear.They both watched him until they could no longer see him and then Damen leaned his nose back into the flowers, allowing himself another moment to revel in the gesture.

“I wish I had a vase.”

“Do you have a glass?”

“Probably.”

“And scissors?”

“Yeah,” Damen said.

“Then you have a vase,” Laurent replied, walking into the back room and coming back a few minutes later with both a glass, already filled with water from the small bathroom, and scissors.Damen hadn’t been entirely sure there was a glass and he was impressed by Laurent’s efficiency.Taking the flowers from Damen’s hands, he cut off a fair amount of the stems and then placed them into the glass, arranging them artfully.

“You’re truly impressive,” Damen said.“It’s frankly sort of terrifying.”

Laurent didn’t respond to that, simply moving the glass around the desk until he found a place he liked the flowers.Then he walked to the door and flipped the sign to “Closed”.Only when he was back behind the desk, did he say, “You should text Kastor.”

“You’re in one of your moods.”

“Which one would that be?”

“Your busy one.Good day at work?”

Laurent smiled.“Yes, actually.I finally broke through on one of my projects.How did you know?”

“Mood.”

“That was almost a sufficient diversion.If I was the sentimental type, I would be proud and drop the subject simply for that reason.But, alas, I’m not.”

“You kind of are,” Damen said.“You’re just shit at showing it.”

“Still not going to work.”

Groaning, Damen took a bit of his sandwich and then another.And another.He ate in silence until the sandwich was gone.Only then did he swivel his chair so he was facing Laurent and said, “It doesn’t seem like a good idea anymore.I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“That’s because you’ve forgotten why you were considering forgiving him.But you did want to at one point and I suggest you trust that instinct.”

“What do I even say?”

Rolling his eyes, Laurent said, “I’m sure even a simple hello would do, Damen.All you have to do is type it and send it.”

“Alright,” he said with a sigh, “I’ll text him.”

“Good.”

“Are you sure you don’t need to watch me type it out?”

“I trust you.”

Smiling softly, Damen tugged on the hem of Laurent’s shirt and pulled him forward, opening his knees so Laurent could slot between them.“Do you really?”

“Yes.I know you won’t break it.”

“I won’t,” Damen said solemnly, meaning every word, even though it meant he was actually going to have to text Kastor now.Laurent’s trust was worth that.“So,” Damen continued, playing with the hem of Laurent’s shirt, his fingers dipping underneath every once in awhile and grazing skin, “If you were having a good day at work, you must’ve been in the zone.”

“I was.”

“And you broke it for me.”

“I’m regretting that decision currently.Especially since I don’t need to court you, anymore.I should really take that into consideration one of these days.”

Damen regarded him for a moment and then grinned.“Even if you decided to stop courting me, you’d still be here.”

“Shut up,” Laurent said softly.

“I want to make up for those two years, too.”

“You are terrible at following orders.”

“I’m afraid you’re going to have to make me shut up,” Damen said.

“Contrary to your belief, I did not come here just to make out with you.”

“Why did you come then?”

Slipping out from beneath Damen’s legs, Laurent lifted himself onto the desk and took another sip of Damen’s coffee.“Just to talk.”

“You are painfully good at taking things slow.”

Laurent smiled sedately.“Oh, I know.But, honestly, how many times do I have to tell you I enjoy your company before you believe me?We don’t even have to talk.I would be happy to sit here and share this coffee with you until I have to return to work.”

“I know,” Damen said.“But I’m very used to thinking the opposite.”

A hint of sadness crept into Laurent’s eyes.Immediately, the emotion disappeared, Laurent tamping down on it out of habit.But then, ever so slowly, he let some of it back in.It was like watching a flower bloom in time-lapse.Standing from his chair, Damen laid a hand on Laurent’s cheek and brushed his thumb back and forth.“We’ll get back to where we were.We will.Trust me.”

“You mean where we were before we broke up?”

Damen smiled softly.“Well, we’ll avoid that part.”

“What if we can’t?” Laurent breathed, the words clearly coming from a very deep place within him.For a moment, Damen felt a burst of anxiety, wondering if Laurent had randomly decided to give up, and that anxiety probably would’ve stayed if it wasn’t for Laurent’s tone.He was terrified.He was panicking.But this time, he was coming to Damen instead of handling it alone and it was indescribable what that meant to Damen.It had happened a couple of times over the month and it floored Damen every time.

“You’re not running, right?” Damen whispered.

“Yes.”

“Well, I’m not either.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Maybe it is.”

Biting his lip, Laurent nodded, leaning into Damen’s touch.In a swift motion, Damen kissed him once, then again but on the nose.“It’s going to be okay,” he murmured, pulling Laurent’s head against his shoulder. 

Damen held him for a couple minutes, but when Laurent started to fidget, he moved back to his chair.They were silent, but they exchanged the coffee cup back and forth until it was empty.  After that, Laurent declared he had to return to work.

“Can I see you tonight?” Damen asked.

Laurent considered him and then shook his head.“Tomorrow, though, I promise.Whatever you’d like.”

“I’ll text you, then.”

“Or call me.”

“You used to hate it when I called you, you know.”

“Yes,” Laurent said, vague amusement in his eyes.“I do know.” 

“You’re incredible.”

With a smile, Laurent grabbed his neck and pulled his head down for a kiss, one that lingered.“I’ll look forward to your text.Or call.”

 

After he’d opened the store back up and there was a small break in customers, Damen texted Kastor, trying not to worry about how long it had been since they’d last seen each other.

_D: Let’s get that coffee_


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got nothing new to add this time around. I'll get to comments super soon. For both my fics  
> As always, I have to thank you guys for everything you do for me. It's wonderful.  
> And thanks to Mari who continues to rock my world  
> Enjoy! <3

_D: We’re getting coffee Friday_

_L: Relatively painless, wasn’t it?_

_D: So far_

_L: It’ll be fine._

_D: Will you come see me off?I’ll need some moral support_

_L: Could you manage without it?_

_D: No_

_L: Really?_

_D: No_

_L: You know I’ll be there._

_D: Why am I always accused of being the soft one?_

_L: You have to know when to be soft and when not to be.For example, I wouldn’t have said that in any verbal scenario._

_D: I’m going to need more lessons_

_L: I take checks, cash, cards…I’m very amiable._

_D: What about neck kisses?_

_L: I charge three dollars a neck kiss._

_D: Lord, you’re expensive.  Do I get a discount for dating you?_

_L: I don't see why not._

_D: Did Jord end up calling you?_

_L: Not yet._

_D: Want me to talk to him?_

_L: There’s nothing you can do.It has relatively little to do with you._

_D: Are you sure I can’t come over?_

_L: Surely you can make it until tomorrow._

_D: Maybe if I’m promised a free neck kiss_

_L: Consider this text your voucher._

_D: Sweet.I’ll come over after work_

_L: Alright._

_D: Goodnight, boyfriend <3  _

_D: God, that never gets old_

_L: Night, asshole_

_D: Do you like sweetheart better?Babe?Darling?Dearest?Let’s see, what other pet names did you like?_

_L: Go the fuck to bed._

_D: Love…I think that’s it.Remember the time I called you peaches?_

_L: You’re making it exceedingly difficult for me to have the last word._

_D: It’s kind of hard to sleep when I’d prefer talking to you.Or thinking about you_

_L: You are a the worst kind of flirt.  You don't stop, even when we've been dating for months._

_D: I think you might have to get over having the last word_

_L: I’m afraid you’re right_

_D: But do you remember peaches?Because that’s a very fond memory for me, even though you looked ten seconds away for ending my life_

_D: Laurent?_

_D: Goddamn you actually did it.Night, dearest_

 

He was finally at Laurent’s house, having gone more than twenty-four hours since seeing him.And a long twenty-four hours they’d been.There was something necessary about being in Laurent’s presence, in touching him, that drove Damen to the brink of insanity when he had to pretend it was perfectly normal to be without Laurent.Because it wasn’t.It hadn’t been those two years, either, and as Damen realized this, he understood just why Laurent was so scared.It _was_ a lot.For Damen, it was simple to give into his emotions and desires, mostly because he only had a vague sense of what they were, but he knew that was something Laurent constantly struggled with.Frankly, it wasn’t something he’d entirely understood last time.Loving completely was all he knew and only with they years of separation and a return, had it occurred to him that that was much harder for others.

They were on the living room couch with Nicaise, watching a movie and their thighs were touching.Half of the time, it felt like enough, half the time, not nearly.Laurent looked calm and casual, of course, his hands in his lap, his eyes directed towards the TV, and his face smooth and unconcerned.He had to feel what Damen was feeling, though.  This going slow thing had to be just as terrible for him.

The movie had about twenty minutes left and Damen was having a difficult time focusing at this point.Despite his complete indifference, very little actually happening on his face—unlike the movie, which was in the middle of a long battle sequence—Laurent was infinitely more interesting.

Unsurprisingly, Laurent noticed the attention almost immediately.Lifting his hand, he grabbed Damen’s chin and forced his gaze back to the TV.Looking back to see a tiny smile on Laurent’s face, Damen leaned in and whispered at the cusp of his ear, “Can I exchange my voucher?”

“It’s yours to cash in whenever you’d like.”

Hearing the conversation, Nicaise said, “Come on, guys.There’s hardly any movie left.Can’t you save being gross until later?I promise I’ll go straight to bed.”

“You were the one doing the matchmaking,” Damen said.

“Twenty minutes.”

“But I’ve been waiting an hour and a half already,” Damen whined.

“Hold his hand, then.”

“Can I hold your hand?” Damen asked Laurent.

Clearly on the verge of laughter, Laurent said, “No, I don’t think so.I have little interest in a sweaty hand.”

“My hand isn’t sweaty.”

“But it will make mine sweaty.”

“He won’t hold my hand, Nicaise.What’s your next suggestion?”

“For fuck’s sake,” Nicaise said.“I just decided I don’t care.Have at it.I’ll only have to deal with it for twenty minutes.”

Damen grinned and caught a hint of a smile on both Nicaise’s and Laurent’s faces in a flash of white from the TV.This was familiar.The number of times they had had similar conversations were endless.It felt like a sign; a sign they were going to be alright.  Those signs had been cropping up more and more frequently over the month and a half.

Bending down and tilting his head sideways, Damen nuzzled at the warm skin of Laurent’s neck with his nose, trying to find the perfect spot to place a kiss.There was an ever so slight shift as Laurent inclined his head, allowing Damen more room to explore.Damen chuckled lightly as he moved his nose up to the sensitive skin behind Laurent’s ear.In what Damen knew to be a barely controlled voice, Laurent whispered, “I don’t believe that’s my neck.”

“Are you sure?”

There wasn’t a response, but Damen decided to take mercy, slipping back down to Laurent’s neck and finding the pulse point, kissing there softly.“Want a hickey?” he whispered.

“Not particularly.”

“Okay,” Damen said easily, sitting back up and returning his eyes to the movie.They were only touching at their thighs again and it was obvious how much it was suddenly disturbing Laurent, his breaths significantly shallower.Damen tried not to laugh.

Through what appeared to be sheer force of will, Laurent managed to keep his hands to himself until the movie was over, like some sort of game he was playing with himself.Nicaise turned the TV off, flicked on the lights, and then stood staring at Laurent and Damen for a few seconds.Rolling his eyes, he said, “Goodnight.If you need a condom, I’ve got some.Just knock on the door.”

“Why does he have condoms?” Damen asked, after his head had worked through the implication and his surprise at the words.

“I gave them to him,” Laurent said.“For his fifteenth birthday.”

“Why?”

“Why not?”

“God, he must’ve loved me, then.”

Laurent paused, thinking, and then he said, “You got him that video game, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“He played that for weeks, missing out on a rather significant amount of sleep.Thank you for that.”

“You’re welcome,” Damen smiled, running his fingers down the inside of Laurent’s arm, starting at the hem of his sleeve.The touch distracted them both and no further words were forthcoming, at least, not as long as Damen brushed his fingers against skin.He only ceased when the feel of Laurent’s skin became overwhelming, when he decided he needed all or nothing.

“I…” Laurent whispered, head lowered.Instead of asking Laurent to continue like he normally would, Damen just waited.It was another thing he was trying to do.He was going to trust that Laurent would tell him eventually.

And it worked.This time.“I keep hoping you won't be as…inexorable this time around.But it’s the exact same.I can’t think.It’s just you and me and how much I want you.”

“Sorry I’m so irresistible,” Damen teased.

“You probably should be.”

“Anything I can do to make it easier?” Damen asked, hearing the seriousness in what should have been teasing.

Laurent laughed.“I don’t think so, no.About the only solution is for you to go, but that’s the last thing I want.”

“That’s a conundrum.”

“A consistent one.Maybe…” Laurent paused, thinking hard.“Maybe we stop going slow.  It has been almost two months.”

It was like Laurent had read his mind.  But in the interest of doing this right, Damen said, “It should be a decision we think about more seriously than that.”

There was a twitch in Laurent’s lips.“On the day I decided to tell you how I felt, Nicaise told me that, last time, I hadn’t…let myself love you.I’m worried I’m doing that again.I’m worried that…”He stopped again and Damen’s heart hurt.Never had Laurent struggled with words quite like this.“I do love you, you know?Please tell me you know that.”

“I do,” Damen said.“And Laurent?”

“Hmm?”

“What Nicaise was talking about?That doesn’t happen physically.It happens here,” he said, lying a hand over Laurent’s heart. 

“I can’t believe you just said that to me.I’m embarrassed for you.”

“You bet I did, babe,” Damen grinned, turning and throwing his legs over the side of the couch so he could lay his head in Laurent’s lap.Almost instantly, Laurent’s fingers were in his hair, brushing and gently tugging.With a sigh, Damen closed his eyes and enjoyed the contact.It sent light shivers, somehow different than other shivers, down the back of his head and spine.“Don’t ever stop,” he murmured.

There was a light chuckle and then a kiss to his forehead.“I could do this all night, don’t you worry.”

The longer the stroking went on, eyes still closed, the more Damen forgot who it was doing it.Forgot was the wrong word.The more Damen connected the action with others who had done it to him in his life.It had been more typical since his parents had died, since he’d lost Laurent, for him to recollect the past, sometimes fondly, sometimes not.Currently, his mind was carrying him through memories of Nikandros and Jokaste, straight to his mother, who had done exactly this for over two hours when Jokaste and he had broke up.He’d been in his early twenties, but it had hardly mattered.He’d needed it and she’d known.She’d always known.To this day, Damen wished he’d gotten to tell her what had happened with Laurent, because he thought she might’ve been able to help him realize some things.But she’d died before Damen had been ready.In a quiet voice, Damen asked, “Do you still miss Auguste?”

“Everyday.It rarely hurts, however.Not anymore.Sometimes I wish it still did.”

“Why?”

“He always felt closer when I missed him so much it hurt.If that makes any sense.I especially wanted that kind of pain when we broke up, actually.I thought that if he’d been alive, he would’ve been able to make sense of what I couldn’t.”

Damen smiled.“I just thought the same thing about my mom.”

“I’m not sure I’m the person you should talk about your parents with.”

“Why not?”

“Because I already fucked it up once by not being there,” Laurent whispered.

“But you’re here now,” Damen replied, opening his eyes and fixing them on Laurent.

“So I am.”

“I think it still hurts,” Damen whispered.“I lost you and my entire family at pretty much the same time and then I…I shut down for like six months.I didn’t open the bookshop, Jokaste did for me—quit her job to do it—and I hardly talked to Nikandros.He’s labeled that period of time ‘the dark ages’ actually.I don’t even know what I did for those six months.I literally don’t remember, however that’s possible.”

“Trust me, it’s possible.”

“Their bodies weren’t even recovered, you know.”

“I didn’t know,” Laurent whispered.“That’s terrible.”

“Yeah.I mean, it’s not like I believe in religion or the afterlife, anyway, but they wanted a funeral and their bodies should’ve been there.”

Bending down, Laurent kissed Damen sweetly.When he pulled away, though, his eyes drifted away and Damen knew he was blaming himself.Slipping his hand around Laurent’s neck, Damen forced Laurent to meet his eyes.“You couldn’t have known they were going to die, Laurent.And your feelings, whatever they may have been, were valid.There was no obligation between us at that point.It is not your fault.”

“Even you blame me, Damen.”

“I don’t.”

Laurent glanced exasperatedly at him.“I’m serious, Laurent,” Damen said.“What I said, I might have meant it then, but I don’t now.I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“I know you wouldn’t.”

In a quieter voice, Damen asked, “Are you ever going to tell me about your uncle?”

“What’s there to tell?”

“I don’t know.You did say that you didn’t know how you felt about his death.”

Laurent sighed, pushing Damen’s head off his lap.Getting the message, Damen sat up and rubbed his eyes.“You don’t have to tell me now.I wish you would sometime, though.It would help.”

“Says the man who didn’t talk about the death of his parents for two years.”

“And you were the one who told me that was an issue.Let me do the same.”

Laurent went quiet, his face closed down, and Damen felt a spark of anger, a familiar one.“Don’t fucking do that to me, Laurent.Talk to me.”

Jaw clenching, Laurent said, “About what exactly?”

“Okay, so, let me get this straight.Your uncle is entirely off limits to me.”

“Not entirely.”

“Really?Because that’s what it sounds like,” Damen said.

“Well, what did you expect?” Laurent said, finally cracking.“He is almost impossible for me to talk or think about.And you know that.You know that, Damen.But you pressed me too far last time.Then, on the hot tub all those months ago, when I tried to talk, you shut me down.This is something I can’t trust you with.”

“Please tell me it’s a not yet.”

Laurent went quiet again for a very long time.Unsure what exactly that meant or what he was supposed to do, Damen stood from the couch and headed for the door, thinking Laurent needed to be left alone.“I’ll see you tomorrow.I promise,” he murmured, before he opened the door and stepped out of the house.

Halfway down the walkway towards his car, he heard the front door open.Turning, he saw Laurent standing there, looking nervous and unsure.For a minute, they stared at each other and just as Damen was about to turn away, Laurent said, “Not yet.”

“Alright,” Damen said.

“Stay.Please.”

“I should go.I might yell at you again if I don’t.”

“I can take it,” Laurent said.“I want you here.”

“Why?”

“I…I miss sleeping next to you.Desperately.I sleep well when you’re there.  It's been two months.  Surely we can...”

“Haven’t slept well in years?”

“I really haven’t.”

Damen smiled.“That was almost flattering.”

“It’s the truth.”

It wasn’t even a debate, really.He’d missed sleeping with Laurent, too.And waking up to him, with his sleepy eyes, his bed head, and his lazy smiles before he remembered he didn’t like giving lazy smiles to anyone.Damen even felt confident they weren’t going to continue to fight.Laurent had said exactly the right thing.Two years ago—hell, even a couple months ago—he simply would’ve let Damen go.

Walking back to Laurent, he nodded and took his hand, kissed the palm.“Okay.I’ll stay.”

Giving a bright, beautiful smile, Laurent maneuvered his hand in Damen’s so that he could tug him back into the house and up the stairs.They turned to the left at the top and walked into a relatively small master.It was sparse, but pretty, impeccably decorated like only Laurent could do.Abandoning Damen, Laurent strolled into his closet and came back out wearing sweatpants and a tee, looking informal on purpose.It made Damen’s heart stutter.

“Can I borrow your toothbrush?” he asked.

“I’m very familiar with your saliva, Damen.”

Chuckling, Damen strolled into the bathroom—white tiles and pale green walls—and grabbed Laurent’s toothbrush from a pretty ceramic jug.Squeezing toothpaste on, he brushed his teeth and felt nerves settling in.It didn’t feel strange, but it did bring on a series of anxieties.He didn’t want to overstep any boundaries.They definitely existed, he just didn’t know what they were.

Spitting out the paste, Damen washed his mouth out, tore off his shirt, and then walked out, letting his shirt fall to the floor in a place he would see it in the morning.Laurent was organizing his pillows, letting Damen have one, and when he looked up, he blinked.“Clearly you weren't depressed enough to let yourself go.”

“Exercise helped,” Damen said, smiling.

Laurent nodded and strolled into the bathroom to brush his own teeth.“Can I take off my pants?” Damen called.“I’ll be in boxers.”

“That’s fine.”

Slipping out of his pants, Damen crawled into bed, knowing which side he was supposed to be on because he knew which side Laurent preferred.  He propped up his pillow, opened his phone, and started reading the news of the day for something to do.

Soon after, Laurent came out and crawled under the covers as well, picking up a book from his bedside table and beginning to read.Damen grinned down at his phone, happy that Laurent didn’t mind falling back into old habits.Moving from news to a book he had on the Kindle app, Damen read too.

He didn’t know how long they read, but eventually, Laurent yawned, set down his book and glanced over at Damen questioningly.“Are you alright if I turn off the light?”

“Sure,” Damen replied, setting down his phone and flipping off the light on his side.Laurent did the same.For a brief moment, they stayed on their sides—Damen certainly wasn’t going to make the first move—and then Laurent scooted across the bed, sliding his hand across Damen’s chest and then laying his head on his shoulder. 

“Thank you for staying,” he murmured.

“Thank you for asking.”

“I don’t believe we made out.”

“No, we didn’t.  If that's something you want to do, I'd be delighted.”

Laurent laughed.“Excellent.”

“Making out in a dark bedroom," Damen mused.  "I might, like, pass out or something.”

“I might panic.”

Laughing, Damen used his free arm to tilt Laurent’s head up, kissing him on the forehead.“It wouldn’t be us if those weren’t the stakes.”Then he kissed down the bridge of Laurent’s nose until their lips met.Throwing a leg over Damen’s, Laurent pulled himself closer, opening his mouth and flitting his tongue against Damen’s lips. 

Deepening the kiss, Damen groaned lightly and rolled onto his side, resting his hand on Laurent’s hip.When they broke the kiss, Damen leaned his forehead against Laurent’s and whispered, “It's better in the dark.”

“Yes.  I don't remember it being quite like that.”

“Why did we ever stop?”

Laurent grinned.They phrase had become a regular part of their lives recently.It was a gentle reminder of the past, something neither of them truly wanted to forget, so that they didn’t make the same mistakes.“We were stupid,” he whispered back, kissing Damen again.

“So, so stupid.”

“Stupider than that time you didn’t know where Iran was.”

“Stupider than that time you actually believed I knew how to fight with a sword.”

“Stupider than that time you told me you loved me accidentally on our second date.”

“Stupider than that time you basically proposed to me.”

“Are you ever going to let that go?” Laurent sighed.

“Never.”

Shaking his head lightly, Laurent leaned in and pulled Damen’s bottom lip into his mouth.With a slight whimper, Damen thought that they should never stop doing this.This should be it, for the rest of his life.Just him and Laurent, in this bed, kissing until they simply couldn’t anymore.“I’m not entirely sure this qualifies as going slow,” Damen whispered later, when their lips were swollen and sore.

“Almost two months, Damen."  Then, Laurent whispered, "Do you care?”

“Not at all, to be honest.”

“Neither do I.”

 

An alarm blared and Damen groaned, digging deeper under the covers and pulling Laurent with him.There was some grumbling and then hands were attacking his arms, shoving him off.Scrunching his eyelids, Damen mumbled, “Please tell me you’ve started getting up later since we broke up.”

There was a long silence but then Laurent said, in a wonderfully scratchy voice, “No.It’s six-thirty A.M.Rise and shine.”

“Pause,” Damen said, trying to collect himself and summon the will to open his eyes.There was no movement on the bed so Damen thought that, perhaps, Laurent had actually listened to him.Finally forcing his eyes open, Damen rolled to see Laurent sitting on the edge of the bed and looking over his shoulder.All the lines of his face were sleep soft and Damen sighed audibly.He couldn’t help it.This was his favorite version of Laurent’s arresting beauty.“Come back to bed,” he whispered.“Just a few minutes.”

“I…give me a second.”

“Sure,” Damen replied, falling onto his back and closing his eyes again.By the time Laurent had crawled back under the covers and was curled against his body, Damen was practically asleep again.The graze of teeth against his earlobe was what startled him back into coherent wakefulness.

“Hi,” he smiled.

“Hi,” Laurent said, smiling back.

“Sleep well?”

With a flush, Laurent nodded against his shoulder.Very quickly and very softly, he placed a kiss against Damen’s collarbone.Cataloging all the movements and Laurent’s request to have some time, Damen said, “You’re panicking.”

“I did get better sleep but I didn’t really consider what would happen when I saw you in my bed in the morning.”

“What did you think?When you saw me?”

“Lots of things.”

Damen shook his head and laughed softly.“Like what?” he urged.

In a flash, a movement Damen might’ve been able to track if he was more awake, Laurent was straddling his waist, hands on his chest.Then Laurent leaned down, touching their noses, and whispered, “It went something like, ‘Fuck, he’s beautiful,’ then, ‘I really wish we were having sex because a morning hand job would be nice,’ and then there were a series of panicked thoughts that I don’t really remember.It’s more the feeling, anyway.”

In a very careful voice, Damen said, “I’d be down for a morning hand job.”

“That's not what you were saying last night.”

“I’m shit at being consistent about this.”

“I know,” Laurent half-smiled, before capturing Damen’s lips with his.When he broke away, leaving Damen breathless, he said, “But, unfortunately, you’ve wasted all of your time with talking.I have to go get ready for work, now.”

“You’re such a tease.”

“Nothing new,” Laurent replied, pulling himself off of Damen and out of the bed.Damen watched as he padded into his closet.The light flicked on and spilled out into the room.All Damen could see of Laurent was a tall shadow.

“Laurent,” he called, “Do you ever get the feeling that those two years never happened?That, sometimes, we’re back to where we were and back to where, maybe, we’ll always be?Because I find myself feeling like that a lot of the time and it’s sort of disorienting and I’m just…I don’t know.That’s why it’s so hard for me, because most of the time, I think we’ve already done that, that we’re past that.”

There wasn’t an immediate reply, though Damen hadn’t been expecting one.Sitting up in bed, he picked up his phone and checked his email, responding to a few business related ones.When Laurent returned from the closet, fully dressed, he strolled over and ran his fingers through Damen’s hair.After a few times, he said, “Yes.I do.It’s what scares me the most.”

“Same, actually.”

Laurent smiled.“What would you like for breakfast?”

“Whatever you’re making, babe.”

“A good answer.”

“Not going to reprimand me for the endearment?”

Rolling his eyes, Laurent kissed Damen again.The kisses kept surprising him, even after receiving them for over a month now.It wasn’t that they were long or even involved tongue, it was how domestic they were.Less an acknowledgement of physical attraction and more an acknowledgement of love and security.

“No,” Laurent said.“You’re aware how much I like them.”

“One of your finer moments of weakness.”

“This is why we shouldn’t talk at least ten minutes after having sex.My brain takes a small vacation.”

“Yeah,” Damen grinned.“Up in heaven.”

“Don’t ever say that to me again,” Laurent replied.

“If you want to be flirted with, you have to put up with all of my flirting.Even the truly abysmal lines.”

“That’s an empty threat.You love to flirt.”

Purposefully looking offended, Damen said, “I bet I can last this entire day without flirting.”

“Really?” Laurent asked, clearly trying not to smile.Damen nodded, though he wasn’t entirely sure that he wanted to witness what Laurent was going to do to get Damen to break and lose the bet.There was no doubt that he could manage it.Placing a knee on the bed, Laurent gathered Damen’s face in his hands and whispered, “I do believe you’re underestimating me, darling.”

Feeling his insides melt just a little, Damen said, “Did you just call me ‘darling’?”

Ignoring that, Laurent said, “I think it would be wise to define flirtation before I embark on proving you wrong.Does it have to be explicitly verbal?Because if it’s in body language and expressions, you’ve already lost.”

“Yeah, definitely just verbal.You know I have no control over anything else.”

“Alright.What do I get if I win?”

“My eternal devotion?”

“I’ve already got that,” Laurent said arrogantly, though there was a sliver of doubt in his eyes.While the doubt was well-reasoned, Damen still wished it wasn’t there.Because if Laurent let Damen give him eternal devotion, Damen would, without a doubt.So far, Laurent had been managing well, but it hadn’t been all that long.

“What do you want, then?” Damen asked, smirking softly.

“It has been almost two months.  You and I both stop pretending to give a damn about this slow thing, however necessary it might have been.  It's worth mentioning,” Laurent said, putting his lips to Damen’s ear, “I miss the feel of your skin on mine.”

“Have we started the bet yet?”

“Not officially.”

“Excellent,” Damen said, wrapping his arms around Laurent’s waist and pulling him onto his lap.“I miss it, too.Especially your tongue.”

“Where?” Laurent asked, raising one eyebrow and slinging his arms over Damen’s shoulders.That was the instant Damen knew that the bet was a complete waste of his time.If Laurent had done this while the bet was on, Damen would’ve lost spectacularly.With celebratory fireworks.

“Everywhere.”After a momentary pause, Damen said, “We’ll stop going slow if you win.If you answer a question for me first.”

“What?”

“This doesn’t have anything to do with what we talked about last night, right?How you were worried about not letting yourself love me?Because I…I kind of want you to learn how to listen to your heart.Or, well…”Damen sighed and ran his hands up Laurent’s chest, watching the path.“This is going to sound idiotic, but if this all falls apart…”

“Which it won’t,” Laurent said.

That made Damen smile.Ridiculously.Pressing on, he said, “If it all falls apart, I want it to be because it legitimately didn’t work, not because you confused love with lust or something.That’s not exactly right, but…”

“Is love and lust alright with you?”

“You just really want to bang me?”

Laurent rolled his eyes, his lips quirking in the corners.“To use your phrasing for lack of a better one, I just really want to bang you.You are very attractive and very good in bed.”

“I do know what you like.”

“I’m going to be so late for work,” Laurent sighed, sweeping his fingers through Damen’s hair.“What do you want if you win?”

Unsure if this was really something he could ask, especially after their small spat last night, but knowing a better opportunity to reintroduce the topic wouldn’t arise for a long time, Damen said, “I want you to tell me how you feel about your uncle dying.”

“It’s lucky you’re going to lose or I might get angry about that request.”

“I kind of expected you to, to be honest.”

“How brave.”

“We’re not the half-in, half-out sort.”

Instead of replying, Laurent kissed Damen, running his hands all the way from the top of Damen’s head to the nape of his neck.Pulling back, he brushed the back of his hand across Damen’s cheek and whispered, “No, we’re not.Now, why don’t you get out of bed and come with me to the kitchen?”

“Can’t go without me for even five seconds?”

Laurent smirked.“That’s your one freebie because I’m feeling generous.I’d be careful from here on out.”

“Fuck,” Damen murmured.It had been flirting and he hadn’t even realized.He really should’ve thought this through more carefully.Not that he technically had a problem with making love to Laurent.It was more the principle of the matter.He didn’t like losing, especially to Laurent.

“God, I won’t even have to try,” Laurent said with a dramatic sigh.Lifting himself of Damen’s lap, he dragged Damen out of bed.“Would you like to put on some clothes?Honestly, I’d prefer if you didn’t.I quite like the view.”

“This is unfair,” Damen protested.

“You didn’t lay out any ground rules.”

“How am I supposed to respond to that?There’s no way to respond to that without flirting.”

“Yes, I know.”

Groaning, Damen gathered his clothes from the floor and put them on in protest.Together, they strolled down the stairs, hands loosely linked.When they got to the kitchen, Laurent started gathering pans and bowls and ingredients.“French toast alright?” he asked.

“Do you have lemon?”

“I wouldn’t have suggested french toast if I didn’t.”

“I love you,” Damen sighed happily.

Laurent considered him for a moment, obviously trying to decide if that counted as flirting or not.On the tip of his tongue, Damen had an argument ready, but Laurent let it go, cracking eggs into a glass pyrex dish.

They were silent as Laurent worked, Damen perfectly happy to watch the proceedings.There was something undeniably sexy about watching Laurent work.His eyes were focused and intense, his slender fingers made beautiful lines as they moved—any snapshot taken of his hands could’ve been considered a work of art—and, occasionally, he would look up and smile self-consciously, or, at least, more self-consciously than was typical for him.

The first slice of french toast was sizzling in the pan when Laurent tugged at the collar of his shirt.“Is it hot in here or is that just me?”

“Why does this feel like the start to a bad porno?” Damen mumbled, watching Laurent’s fingers intently, as they revealed more of the sharp angles of Laurent’s collarbone.

Smirking, Laurent flipped the french toast over and then took a deep breath, fanning himself, a light flush entering his cheeks.Damen knew he wasn’t actually hot—it was a cool, overcast morning—so he knew Laurent was purposefully thinking of something to cause that flush.Damen desperately wanted to know what it was.

At least, until Laurent was unbuttoning his shirt, skin flooding Damen’s vision.“I can’t even believe you,” he managed to choke out.

It only got worse.Laurent started to run his fingers through his hair, over and over again, until it was mussed, something he hardly ever allowed, but something Damen found incredibly attractive.

His shirt fluttered, baring skin every once in awhile, as he walked around the kitchen, collecting a plate, a lemon, and powdered sugar.He tossed the lemon at Damen and then flipped the french toast onto a plate and handed it to Damen with a beautiful smile.It wasn’t fair.Laurent was throwing everything at him, everything he knew Damen had a weakness for.Damen was about to explain in rather vivid language just how much he currently hated Laurent, when he remembered that he was allowed physical flirtation.Abandoning his breakfast, he walked behind Laurent and hugged him, splaying his hands over the flat of his stomach.

“Should I cook breakfast like this more often?” Laurent asked.

Warmth flooding through his stomach, Damen thought that Laurent really, really should.To show his appreciation, he kissed Laurent’s neck, moving his hands up as his lips slid down over smooth, warm skin.

Laurent leaned back into him.“Keep doing that,” he whispered, abandoning the slice of bread he’d gotten out of the bag.

Unconsciously, Damen was about to speak, probably flirt, when Nicaise stumbled in, rubbing his eyes, and saying, “I smelled food.”When he actually used his eyes, he blinked, the sound of his feet slapping the tile coming to an abrupt stop.“Did I interrupt something?”

“I’m trying to get Damen to flirt with me,” Laurent replied, voice neutral and calm, standing straighter, but not removing himself from Damen’s arms.

“I guess it’s good you two are being weird again,” Nicaise sighed, sitting down at the counter and starting in on Damen’s french toast.

“Hey!” Damen said, placing his chin on Laurent’s shoulder to glare at Nicaise.

“Shouldn’t have gotten distracted,” Nicaise said through a mouth full of food.It earned him a glare from Laurent and he made a point of shutting his mouth and chewing exaggeratedly.Laughing softly, Damen kissed the top of Laurent’s ear and moved back, unwinding his arms.In a quick motion, he snatched the last half of the french toast off the plate and shoved all of it into his mouth.Nicaise looked briefly offended before bursting into laughter.

“That’s disgusting,” Laurent said dryly.

Swallowing loudly, Damen said, “Want a taste?I bet my mouth tastes like sugar.”

“Do you even try?”

“Fuck,” Damen murmured.

“How long did he last without flirting?I assume that’s what’s happening?” Nicaise asked, taking the freshly done piece of toast from Laurent’s spatula.

Laurent nodded and said, “About thirty minutes.”

“More than I would’ve predicted.”

“I can’t believe I already lost,” Damen said, amazed that flirting came so naturally to him.He wondered if it was just around Laurent, or if it was something he did.It was probably just Laurent.Then, because it was hopeless and because Laurent was smiling, Damen said, “Do you want a taste, though?”

“My fingers are a little eggy.”

“Don’t touch me then.”

Laurent considered that and then grinned, leaning in and kissing Damen, his tongue swirling into Damen’s mouth and stealing the hints of sugar and lemon.Before Damen could pull away, sensing that Laurent’s grin had been more than happiness, Laurent’s fingers came up and curled around Damen’s neck, the french toast mixture dribbling down his neck and underneath his shirt.

“Ugh,” Damen groaned, wrenching away from Laurent. “You suck.”

“You love me.”

“I do,” Damen sighed.Undeniably.Even with egg running down his back.

At that, Nicaise said, “Oh fuck off, you two.It’s too early in the morning.”

Damen and Laurent shared a knowing glance, Laurent putting a new slice of french toast on a plate for himself and eating it.Damen took over to cook his own and that was how they spent their morning before Laurent headed off to work.Eating, flirting, and irritating Nicaise.To Damen, it was even better than waking up to Laurent.It was his definition of home.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to post this a day ago but then I got food poisoning, sighhhhh  
> I'm good now though and feeling like having a bit of fun  
> So here you go. Thank you, as always. I love you all  
> And I love Mari, the best beta to ever beta  
> Enjoy! <3

“Are you still standing outside the coffee shop?” Laurent asked, voice slightly cracking over the phone.

Damen was, in fact, still standing outside the coffee shop, leaning against a lamppost.He had been for the past five minutes, allowing Laurent to distract him with inane chatter about Nicaise, who was currently missing school to keep the bookshop running for Damen under the pretense of a dentist appointment, as Kastor only had time for coffee at a busy time of day for the bookshop.Neither he or Laurent had really approved, but they hadn’t stopped Nicaise either, since it was a rare event anyway.Apparently, he was enjoying himself immensely.Of course, Laurent was only willing to let conversation distract him for so long.“Maybe?” Damen replied, peering over his shoulder once again to look through the windows of the coffee shop, trying to find some sign Kastor was there.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Laurent asked.“You two stop talking?You’ve already done that for two years.”

“I could make a scene in public.”

“Don’t.”

“Yes, because I’m that in control of my emotions.”

“Maybe it’s time to learn,” Laurent said.“If you feel yourself starting to get agitated, excuse yourself, go to the bathroom, and call me.”

“Have I ever told you you’re the best boyfriend in existence?”

“Not recently.”

“Well, you are,” Damen said.Lowering his shoulders and taking a deep breath, he continued by saying, “Here I go, I guess.Wish me luck.”

“Luck.”

“Thanks, babe.”

“You’re welcome.And Damen?”

“What?” Damen asked, pausing with his hand reaching for the door of the coffee shop.

“Come over tonight.We have a bet to settle.”

“I can’t believe how abysmal that dirty talk is and how much it turns me on.”

There was a low chuckle on the other end of the phone and then it abruptly ended as Laurent hung up.Taking his phone down from his ear, Damen turned the screen off and stuffed it in his pocket before breaching the store, heading straight for the counter, not yet willing to properly scan the shop for Kastor.He couldn’t decide if it would be worse if he was here or if he hadn’t shown up.

He ordered a basic mocha and then waited by the far counter, accepting it when one of the employees slid it towards him.Taking a sip and then a deep breath, Damen pivoted slowly to face the tables and saw Kastor sitting at one beside a window.He was staring out of it, legs spread out, the chair leaning on its back two legs.Crossing the shop, feeling his heartbeat in his ears, Damen sat down across from his brother and gazed out the window himself.

Neither one of them said anything for awhile, sipping their coffees.It was awkward, exceedingly so, but Damen couldn’t think of a thing to say.Not a single one.He knew Laurent would tell him to just start talking anyway, something would come out, but it was slightly terrifying, especially considering something truly horrific could leave his mouth.

Biting his lip, Damen snuck a glance to see Kastor no longer looking out the window, but straight at him, eyes lazy and slightly dazed.

“Alcohol in there?” Damen asked, nodding down at Kastor’s coffee cup.

Shrugging, Kastor pulled a flask out of his jacket pocket and waved it around before putting it back.

Opening up his lid, Damen said, “Want to share?”

Kastor flashed a small grin and fished the flask back out, pouring a thin stream of what was probably vodka into the cup.It was going to taste abysmal but Damen hardly cared.If Kastor needed alcohol for this, so did he.

For another five minutes, that was the only exchange they shared.It had become less because Damen was clueless over what to say and more because he wanted Kastor to want their relationship to improve, he wanted him to make the first move.

Surprisingly, he did.“I don’t know what you want me to say, but I’ll talk about whatever you want to talk about.”

Damen smiled shyly.“Why don’t you tell me about Elena?”

Kastor’s eyes softened ever so slightly and Damen wondered if that was exactly what his eyes did when he thought about Laurent.“I met her at a bar.We hooked up and when I woke the next morning, her number was scribbled on my forehead in Sharpie.So I called her and that was it.”

“You love her, then?”

Kastor nodded.“She’s a lot like Mom.I try not to think about it too hard, but…”

“Kind, but a little nosey?”

“Yeah.A little weird, too.”

“We should go out.You, her, me, and Laurent,” Damen said.

Underneath the table, Kastor nudged Damen’s foot with his.“So you got back with him, did you?”

“I did.”

“Good.”Then after a long pause, Kastor said, “I’m still sorry about that.Didn’t seem to make a difference, though, did it?”

Damen glared at Kastor, who raised his hands in the air.“Alright, alright.It doesn’t matter whether it did or not.I get it.”

“I sincerely hope you do,” Damen replied.Another awkward silence followed that and Damen felt the sudden urge to run to the bathroom and call Laurent.Maybe he could come up with conversation topics for two estranged brothers.

Luckily, Kastor seemed prepared, which was a surprise.“Have you really been running Dad’s old bookshop?”

“Yeah.”

“You hated working there when you were younger.”

“I still kind of do, sometimes,” Damen admitted.“It’s not quite the life I imagined for myself.I didn’t even like reading until…”

“Laurent.”

“Yeah.”

Kastor nodded and flicked his eyes to the window.“You can let it go, you know.It’s just a bookshop.”

“It’s Dad’s bookshop,” Damen said, trying not to think about the conversation that was beginning to open up.He didn’t want to have it.While Damen didn’t regret the two years he’d stopped talking to Kastor, he didn’t entirely want to face the fact he’d left his brother alone to mourn the death of their parents.It would’ve been shit mourning with him—Kastor not being the open or the particularly emotional sort—but it wasn’t one of Damen’s finer moments, nonetheless.

“There’s no sense in doing something you don’t want to do.Dad wouldn’t want you to.”

“You think I’m being too sentimental.”

“I always think you’re being too sentimental,” Kastor said, sipping his coffee.“I bet Nik and Jokaste agree with me.”

“What about Laurent?”

Kastor smiled without humor.“Come on, Damen.I’m not stupid.He loves that place.Even if it was fucking up your life, he’d ask you to keep it.He’s a selfish bastard.”

“That’s just what he wants you to think,” Damen grumbled, not appreciating the insult to his boyfriend.It wasn’t true.Damen knew that Nikandros thought the same about Laurent, that Laurent thought the same about himself, but in reality, Laurent was the most selfless person he’d ever met.It was just that the things he gave were a lot harder to quantify, but also much harder for him to give.

“Let it go, then.Go find a job you actually like.Or don’t.You probably don’t have to work, what with all that money and Laurent.” “You do realize we’re not married or anything, right?We’re a long way from that, in fact.”

Kastor scoffed.“Please.Three months into dating and you were ready to propose.”

“I was not.”

“Bro, you made me stop at that jewelry store that one time.”

“I was just curious.”

“I was just curious,” Kastor mimicked, voice high.“You’re such an idiot.Do you want to know something about yourself?”

Damen rolled his eyes.“We haven’t talked in two years.What could you possibly know?”

Shrugging, Kastor said, “I don’t know.It’s not like we grew up in the same house or anything.It’s not like I still remember seeing you in a cradle.”

“Fine.Tell me.”

“You’re a big fucking sap who falls in love harder and faster than a meteor falling to earth.”

“It is not…”

“Yes it is.That girl in sixth grade, that boy in eighth, Jokaste, Laurent…weeks in, you were staring at them like Mom stared at Dad in those wedding photos on the mantle.”

“If you say so,” Damen grumbled, feeling distinctly like a younger brother.

“There’s nothing wrong with it,” Kastor said simply.“There are no fucking rules, you know.”

“What?”

“All I’m saying is that you probably wanted to marry Laurent the day you met him.Just fucking do it already.”

“You sound like the big sap here,” Damen said.

“Shut up,” Kastor grumbled, downing the rest of his coffee in three big gulps.Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he said, “I feel like a pretentious asshole sitting in this place with blown-glass lampshades.Please tell me you won’t make me come back here.”

“You could probably come by the house next time,” Damen said slowly, trying to decode his feelings about the matter as he spoke.No alarms went off, so he left the words as they were.

“Cheers, brother.”

“Think we could find a movie to watch without fighting?”

“Definitely not,” Kastor said.“You have horrible taste.”

“Romantic and sentimental?”

“Yeah.That.If shit isn’t blowing up, I don’t care.”

Damen laughed and felt a small string of affection extend to his brother and latch on.They were going to be alright.Hopefully.Laurent would probably argue he was trusting again too soon.

“Feel free to text if you want.Or whatever,” Damen said awkwardly.

“Is that you forgiving me?” Kastor asked, grinning.It was a lot like Damen’s smile, but with a lot more bite to it, as though he weren’t quite satisfied.That was always what Kastor was like.It seemed as though the entire world just wasn’t quite enough to entertain him.

“You’re not making it easy.”

“Not my nature.”

Shaking his head, Damen laughed humorlessly and then nodded.“I guess it is.Don’t fuck everything up a second time.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“I suppose that’s all I can ask.”Then, after another painfully long silence, Damen said, “I should get back to work.I’ve left a sixteen-year-old in charge.”

“Is Nicaise really sixteen now?” Kastor asked.

Damen nodded.

“Time moves fast.”

“It does,” Damen agreed, standing and taking both his and Kastor’s cups in hand, throwing them away.Kastor thanked him and then they left the coffee shop together, pointing to their respective cars, which were in opposite directions.It took a second for Damen to muster the courage to walk away, unsure if he was supposed to say something.He’d used to know exactly what to say to Kastor in any given situation.They’d truly been to the brink of irreparability.It made Damen grateful that lack of words had never been a problem with Laurent.

 

When he returned to work, Nicaise was on the floor in the back re-shelving books that had, somehow, ended up on the floor.Damen walked over and helped, gathering the remainder of the books and piling them in his arms so Nicaise didn’t have to search for the next one.When they completed their task, Damen said, “You should get back to school.I know you have at least one class left.”

“Maybe I have lots of cavities,” Nicaise said, crossing his arms.

“Call Laurent and complain to him.It’s not up to me.”

“It used to be.”

“I don’t think we’re quite there yet, kid,” Damen said.

“You could just make an executive decision that you are there,” Nicaise replied.

Instead of responding, Damen shot him an exasperated glance and Nicaise raised his arms in the air before digging his phone out of his pocket and dialing Laurent’s number.Damen left him to it, grabbing the list of what had been sold today, and comparing that with his inventory in the back, seeing if he needed to order more of anything else.A lot of the bestsellers needed regular updating.

Five minutes later, Nicaise showed up behind him and dangled his phone at Damen.“Laurent wants to talk to you.”

“Alright,” Damen said, accepting the phone.“What’s up?”

“He’s being difficult.You have my full permission to forcefully drag him all the way back to school.”

“He probably just bolted, you know.”

“No, he didn’t.There’s a reason I didn’t call your phone directly after my conversation with him.He won’t go anywhere without his phone,” Laurent said.

Laughing, Damen said, “Alright.I’ll make sure to get him back.”

“Thank you.”

“Course.I’ll see you later.”

Hanging up, Damen strolled into the main shop, flipped the sign to ‘Closed’, and held Nicaise’s phone to his chest.“Let’s go, kid.”

“No,” Nicaise groaned, sliding down from the desk where he’d been sitting.“No, please.You can tell Laurent you took me.I won’t tell him otherwise.”

“I’m not lying to him.”

“School is pointless and stupid.”

“You’re not getting this phone back until we are in the parking lot of your school,” Damen said.“I have permission to drag you, if necessary.”

“You’re so much cooler when you don’t give a shit what Laurent thinks.”

“You were the one trying to get us back together.”

“Don’t remind me,” Nicaise grumbled, stalking out of the shop and to Damen’s car.As he crawled into the passenger seat, he said, “I hope you lose your goddamn parking spot.”

 

His school was only ten minutes away—a private school in the heart of Portland—and Damen gave Nicaise’s phone back when he was stopped.“You know,” he said, “I only promised I’d get you this far.Once I drive away, there’s no saying you actually have to walk through that front door.”

Nicaise grinned.“I’m going to tell Laurent you told me that.”

“Do whatever you want,” Damen shrugged.“Just get out of my car.I’ve got to get back to the shop.”

“Are you coming over tonight?”

“Yeah.”

“When?”

“I don’t know.I have to go feed Fred and George and then I promised Nik and Jord I’d have dinner with them so…after that.Why?” Damen asked.

“I just thought we could kick a ball around.”

“It probably won’t be quite dark.We could for awhile.”

“Okay,” Nicaise smiled, hopping out of the car.Damen watched him walk away, directly towards the front door of the school, and then he drove away, making it back to the store just in time to stop a father with two young girls from going somewhere else.

 

After dinner with Nikandros and Jord, which had been excellent, almost solely because he hadn’t had to cook the meal—he simply saw them too often to find their company, while comforting, actually thrilling—Damen drove to Laurent’s.It was a nice, sunny day, maybe a little too warm, and Damen rolled down his window and blasted music as he drove, enjoying the feeling of spring air on the verge of becoming summer air.

When he pulled up in front of Laurent’s house, he saw Laurent out on the porch, a book in hand, and a glass of something else in the other.His head shot up when he heard Damen’s music and Damen waved, earning him an exaggerated eye roll. 

Turning the engine off, Damen got out of his car and bounded up the steps, crashing into the seat beside Laurent’s on the porch, one probably meant for Nicaise.The sun was setting and Damen knew that was why Laurent was really out here.

The soft breeze, the pink sky, the rustling of the leaves on the tree to the right of the porch stairs…it was the exact kind of day Laurent adored.Damen preferred true summer nights, when the stars were out, bugs and frogs were cricketing and croaking, and he was lounging in the grass after a lazy day.

“Hey,” Damen said, staring out at the sky.

“Hi,” Laurent yawned, setting his book down on his lap.Damen smiled at the gesture, always in awe of how fully Laurent devoted his attention to him.At least, when they were getting along.“How was coffee?”

“It was surprisingly okay.”

Laurent hummed in response.

“You don’t sound shocked,” Damen observed.

“Of course I don’t.I figured if you both managed to actually make it to the coffee shop, you’d both want to be there enough to avoid a serious fight.”

“He thinks I should sell the shop,” Damen said.“Find a job that I actually enjoy.”

Laurent didn’t respond, taking a sip of what looked to be lemonade instead.Figuring it was something they could talk about later, Damen let it go, instead turning the conversation to something Laurent probably wanted to talk about even less, but that Damen didn’t mind putting pressure on.“This house sure has a nice porch.”

“Yes,” Laurent said.“Perfect for watching sunsets.”

“I quite like porches.”

“That’s truly fascinating, Damen.”

“Is it?I thought it would be boring, honestly, seeing as you already know,” Damen said, realizing as he talked that it would be better to straight up ask what he wanted, instead of going about it like this.Laurent was happy to talk in circles.He was much better at it than Damen.

“And here I thought you were capable of detecting sarcasm.”

Turning to gaze at Laurent’s profile, Damen said, “When you bought this house, did you see this porch and think of me?”

Laurent’s jaw clenched and a light flush spread on his cheeks.Grinning, Damen leaned over and kissed Laurent on the cheek, feeling incredibly self-satisfied.Unsurprisingly, Laurent didn’t grace him with a verbal response.He just sat incredibly still, staring at the sky.Once upon a time, he might’ve told Damen the truth in dulcet tones and deceptively sweet words.It was a testament to how far they still had to go.

“I said I’d kick the ball around with Nicaise for awhile.I’m going to do that until it’s too dark to see.Want to join us?”

Laurent shook his head.“This is going to be a beautiful sunset.”

“Alright,” Damen said.“Can I have a kiss before I go?”

Leaning his head back on the chair and then rolling it to the side, Laurent nodded imperceptibly.Pecking him once on the lips, Damen brushed his fingers down Laurent’s far cheek and whispered, “Are you okay?”

“We can talk about it later.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Okay,” Damen said, kissing Laurent one more time before standing and going inside.He found Nicaise on the couch in the living room, doing something on his laptop.When he saw Damen, he shut it and excitedly ushered Damen out into the backyard, where a soccer ball was already out.

Until the sun set, they passed the ball back and forth and talked, babbling about a new video game they both wanted to try, the weather, school, and how long it would take for Laurent to join them.Incidentally, exactly when the colors began fading from the sky.Only then did Laurent come and sit on the back step and watch, not participating in the conversation, but definitely listening.It really wasn’t like him to be so subdued, unless he was thinking intently about something.

When it was almost too dark to see the ball, Nicaise picked it up and carried it inside, obviously catching Damen’s concerned glances at Laurent.Sitting down on the step beside Laurent, wanting desperately to throw his arm over Laurent’s shoulders but knowing Laurent probably didn’t want him to, Damen said, “Is this about tonight?Because you are perfectly allowed to change your mind.”

“No,” Laurent said firmly.And then he laughed softly.“No.You are not getting out of sex.”

“I don’t want out.Trust me.”

“Are you really that unhappy at the bookshop?”

“Ah,” Damen said, letting out a low breath.“Sometimes it’s nice, I suppose.I like it when you’re there, but you’re not all that often and…it’s not what I want to do.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know,” Damen sighed.“Something that helps people.Maybe.I wish I knew.It would make leaving the bookshop easier.”

“Well, when you do know, let me know.”

“Why?”

“Because I am not letting you get rid of that goddamn bookshop.I will buy it from you.I will quit my job and run it myself,” Laurent said.

“You love your job,” Damen whispered.

“Not as much as I love that bookshop.”

“You can buy books anywhere in the world, Laurent.Hell, this city has one of the best bookshops in the whole fucking U.S.”

“It’s not…” Laurent huffed and closed his eyes.Lowering his forehead to Damen’s shoulder, he whispered, “Some of the best days of my life took place there.You know my life wasn’t easy, not the first time we were dating, and it was one of the few places I knew I was safe and loved.I don’t want someone else to get their hands on it and trade it in for another goddamn vegan cupcake shop.”

“Oh,” Damen breathed, not entirely sure how he was supposed to respond.“I didn’t…I didn’t think of that.”

“I don’t want you to work there if you don’t want to.The last thing I want to do is force you into something you don’t want to do, but I will not let you sell it to anyone but me.”

“You wouldn’t have to buy it.I’d just give it to you,” Damen said.

“What if we break up?”

“Don’t say that to me.Please.”

Powering ahead, as he was wont to do, Laurent said, “What if we break up?I can promise you that you’ll wish you’d sold the damn thing instead of just handing it over.”

“No, I wouldn’t.You know that.It would just make you feel better if I sold it to you so you wouldn’t feel guilty if we did break up.It’s like a fucking fail-safe or something,” Damen said, shrugging Laurent’s head off of his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Laurent sighed, running his hand through his hair.“My brain tries to work things out logically, which is ridiculous, because love isn’t logical, and we sure as hell aren’t.I don’t really think we’re going to break up, Damen.I don’t.I swear.”

“That’s sure as hell not what it seems like, sometimes.”

Taking Damen’s face between his hands and turning it towards him, Laurent said, “I told you—years ago, admittedly—that I was going to be horrible at this.Do you remember what you said to me in return?”

“No,” Damen grumbled, even though he did.

“You said I would prove myself wrong.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s what I’m going to do.”

Unable to help himself, Damen smiled, taking one of Laurent’s hands in his and kissing the palm.“I like the sound of that,” he said.

“Good.”

Holding that hand between both of his, they sat in silence until the night started to grow cold and Laurent was snuggling into his body unconsciously for warmth.“Shall we go inside?” Damen asked.

Laurent nodded, so they did just that.And as they were climbing up the stairs to Laurent’s bedroom, their hands still linked loosely, Laurent said, “I think I’d better fuck you.I’m going to need the control.”

Completely taken off guard, Damen came to an abrupt stop, wrenching Laurent to a standstill.Looking down at him, Laurent smirked.“Did I shock you?”

“I’m still processing.Give me a minute.”

Laurent laughed and tugged on Damen’s hand, getting him to start walking again.Only when they were in the bedroom, with the door closed, was Damen able to get a handle on what was happening and then he was incredibly desperate to get his hands on Laurent.It had been so long and Laurent was willing and he was going to be receiving, something he’d only ever tried with Laurent.

There was a wariness in Laurent’s movements as he moved in closer to Damen.“That is alright, isn’t it?”

“Whatever makes you comfortable, Laurent.Always.”

“As long as you’re comfortable.”

“You could do anything in the world to me.”

“Tie you up?Blindfold you?Use a cock ring?”

“Sure,” Damen shrugged, even though he hadn’t tried any of that before.It helped that he knew Laurent hadn’t either.

Laurent laughed and ran his fingers down Damen’s side to his waist, steadying himself as he reached up on the tips of his toes and kissed Damen soundly.Slipping his hands around Laurent’s neck, Damen sunk into the kiss, smiling helplessly as Laurent started walking them back to the bed, miraculously managing it on his tip-toes.He’d always been able to.

Turning them, Laurent gently shoved Damen onto the bed and stood above him, staring with slightly darkened eyes.Damen was already ridiculously turned on and he couldn’t help but laugh.Why was Laurent so infuriatingly perfect?

Laurent straddled his waist and kissed him again.In between kisses, he murmured, “I haven’t done this in a long time.”

“Nervous?”

“No,” he whispered, something behind his voice.“But I feel like I should be.” “It’s just me,” Damen said, lifting his head from the bed to kiss Laurent, quickly moving from his lips to his jaw when it was obvious Laurent wasn’t done talking.

“I know.I just…”

Breaking away from Laurent’s jaw, Damen wove his fingers into Laurent’s hair and said, “Take as long as you need, alright?There’s no pressure at all.We could even watch something or cuddle or you could read me something…I don’t really care.I just want to spend time with you.Honestly, I don’t care much how we spend it.”

Rolling his eyes, Laurent said, “I know, Damen.Do you know how many times you’ve said that to me?”

Damen felt himself blush and he shrugged.“It seems worth mentioning whenever you freak out,” he mumbled.

Leaning down, so his lips were at Damen’s ear, Laurent whispered, every sound enunciated and dripping in sensuality, “I’d rather you told me to fuck you.”

“You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?That’s been the plan all along.”

Laughing helplessly, Laurent slumped against Damen’s chest, letting him take all of his weight.“And here I thought you’d never figure it out,” Laurent said later, as he nibbled at Damen’s neck.

Brushing Laurent’s hair away from his face, Damen held him close and debated rolling them over or leaving Laurent firmly in control at every moment tonight.He decided on rolling Laurent onto his back, when Laurent’s phone rang, shattering the mood, which wasn’t tense but was anticipatory.

Everything in Laurent went still and Damen said, “You need to get that.”

“It might be Jord,” Laurent murmured.

“Go for it,” Damen replied, releasing his hold on Laurent and sitting up on the bed, turning on the TV, muting it, and flipping to ESPN.Mindlessly watching the series of highlights, Damen brainstormed how exactly he wanted this night to go, all the things he wanted to do.It’d been so long since he’d gotten to do them.

Laurent’s voice broke through his contemplations.“I understand, Jord.I do.And I’m sorry.I have a bad habit of wrecking everything when I’m upset.”After a short pause, he said, “Yes, I know you think so, but…no, I frankly prefer my self-destructive tendencies to talking to a therapist.”

Laughing quietly, Damen kept his eyes focused on the TV, preferring not to see the glare Laurent was almost certainly leveling at him.

“I was about to fuck Damen, actually.”The low rumbling of what must have been Jord’s voice came through the phone, and then Laurent said in a genuine voice, “Thank you.I’ll text you tomorrow.We’ll do something.”

There were murmured goodbyes and then Laurent hung up, setting the phone on the bedside table.Sliding across the bed, he curled himself into Damen’s side, nestling under his arm, and gazed at the TV.Damen knew he was thinking since the last thing on earth he cared about was sports.Waiting until he could feel Laurent’s eyes focused on him, Damen said, “I take it you two are okay now?”

“Yes.He’s absolutely terrible at being angry for a long time, in all honesty.Thankfully for me.”

“Are you ever going to tell me what you said to him?”

Laurent shook his head.“No.I will never repeat those words for any reason.I’m not proud of them.”

“Jesus,” Damen murmured.

“Yes, well, according to Jord, you’re eighty percent of my impulse control.That’s one of the many reasons he insists I should go to therapy.”

“It’s probably not a bad idea.”

“I don’t need it from you, too.I’m intelligent.I realize therapy was practically invented for me, but I really don’t care,” Laurent said.

“Alright,” Damen laughed.Shutting the TV off, Damen adjusted their positions, so that he was above Laurent on all fours, right where he loved to be.Kissing Laurent softly, pleadingly, he whispered, “I want you to fuck me.”

Whimpering into the kiss, Laurent slid his hands underneath Damen’s shirt, running his hands up and down Damen’s sides, soft as a whisper.Within seconds, it was driving Damen insane, which Laurent knew perfectly well.When Damen broke the kiss to pull his shirt off, sitting back on Laurent’s thighs, Laurent was smirking.“I know what you like, too,” he said.

“It really fucking tickles, you know.”

Laurent snorted.“Does it?Last time you tried to describe it to me, you used the word heavenly.”

“How in the fuck do you remember things like that?”

A deep, impenetrable sadness entered Laurent’s eyes.Instead of replying, he sat up and kissed Damen, mouth open, warm and hot, momentarily distracting him.Laurent guided them back down to the bed and Damen deepened the kiss, tilting Laurent’s head back with a gentle hand. 

When he pulled away to breathe, Damen stared into the blue of Laurent’s eyes and whispered, “Why were you sad?”

“I remember everything, Damen,” he replied, closing his eyes.“Do you know how often I wished I didn’t?That every single moment with you wasn’t something precious, gold-tinged, and untouchable?I would’ve sold more than my soul to forget.”

“I wanted to forget, too,” Damen said.“Every time I had to see you.”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

“Laurent…”

“Why are you always so difficult?” Laurent said, turning his head to the side with a huff.It was petulant.He’d be crossing his arms over his chest soon.Forcing himself not to laugh, Damen pressed his lips against Laurent’s neck, right over the pulse point, running a hand proprietarily down his side to hitch his leg over Damen’s waist.Laurent’s pulse apexed.

Kissing down Laurent’s neck to his collarbone, Damen pushed Laurent’s shirt aside with his fingers, laving his tongue in the hollows and angles, rolling his hips into Laurent’s at the same time.

“Fuck,” Laurent breathed, grasping Damen’s hair and tugging him back up so their lips met in a fierce kiss.Laurent hadn’t kissed him like this yet and it was so familiar, the years melting away.Hair was tangled in fingers—Damen barely managing to keep himself from squishing Laurent—teeth grazed lips, tongues slid, wrapped, and soothed.There was no question where their lips were going to be or what Laurent was going to do next.Some people might call that boring, but it gave Damen such a sense of rightness and home, that he hardly cared.

“Take off your clothes,” Laurent growled later, when his lips were swollen and his breathing was labored.

“God, so bossy,” Damen teased, tugging his shirt over his head.Sitting back, he unbuttoned his jeans and slid them off, boxers included, flinging them onto the ground beside Laurent’s bed.

“I should’ve asked for a strip tease,” Laurent sighed, eyes scanning Damen’s body lazily.Once, he hadn’t been that self-assured, but apparently, he was feeling something similar.It was as though they’d never stopped.

“You were kind of eager.Also, I’m naked and you’re not and it’s starting to get weird.”

“You’d better undress me, then.”

“Fucking hell,” Damen whispered, moving forward and sliding his hands up Laurent’s shirt slowly, feeling the ripple of muscle.“I love it when you use that voice.”

“I know,” Laurent said, his voice catching at the end, as Damen’s thumbs grazed his nipples.Moving back in on his neck, Damen slowed everything down, kissing and biting leisurely while rolling Laurent’s nipples.“If you’re not careful,” he said, through gasps and shuddering breaths, “I’m going to come and I won’t have anything to fuck you with.”

“Haven’t gotten any in awhile?” Damen asked leisurely, pulling Laurent’s shirt off, smoothing his hair with gentle fingers when it inevitably became ruffled.

Shoving Damen away, Laurent crawled on top of him.“No.We’re going to have to go all night.”

“That could be arranged,” Damen said, tilting his head up to kiss Laurent again.Reaching down, he palmed Laurent through his jeans, pleased to find him achingly hard.Laurent moaned into the kiss, sliding his hand down Damen’s chest and taking him in hand, jerking Damen hard and fast, twisting his hand at the tip, exactly how Damen liked it.

Damen accidentally bit down on Laurent’s lip too hard, overwhelmed by the sensations.It broke the kiss, though Laurent didn’t seem to mind much, not saying a word as he licked and kissed his way down Damen’s chest.It was obvious what Laurent had in mind, but Damen could hardly believe it.Laurent rarely went down on him and for good reason.

Glancing up, Laurent said, “Don’t say what you’re going to say.And don’t touch me.Oh, and find lube while you’re at it.”

“How am I supposed to find lube while you’re sucking my dick?”

“Sounds more like a Damen problem than a Laurent problem,” Laurent said, sliding his hands up Damen’s thighs, pressing his thumbs into the hipbone.

“I’m going to touch you,” Damen warned, taking Laurent’s face in his hands and pushing him back slightly.Pecking him on the lips, Damen stood and went to the nightstand, opening the top drawer and finding lube and condoms, right where Laurent had kept them in his apartment.Grinning to himself, Damen returned to the bed, flung the lube and condom next to him on the bed and said, “Carry on,” gesturing down to his cock.

“Why do you always manage to make me wish I wasn’t doing this?”

“Because it’s fun.”

Laurent rolled his eyes, but resumed his position, rubbing his thumbs back and forth across Damen’s inner thighs.With an unassuming smirk, Laurent licked a stripe up the underside of Damen’s cock.

Knowing Laurent liked to hear him, Damen let out a low groan, digging his fingers into the sheets so he didn’t touch Laurent.With lazy ease, Laurent circled his tongue around the head, before pressing it carefully into the slit.Bucking his hips, confident that Laurent could take it, Damen groaned again, already feeling an inexorable heat building.It never failed to amaze Damen just how quickly Laurent could make him come.

Distantly, Damen heard the snap of a lid—likely the lube—and then slick fingers were rubbing his entrance, suggesting what Laurent did seconds later, pushing one finger in carefully, setting a rhythm on Damen’s cock to keep him distracted.

“Shit,” Damen said.“Laurent, babe, you’ve got to lay off or I’m going to come.”

With a wet pop, Laurent removed his mouth, his finger still pressing in and out.Straddling one of Damen’s legs, he kissed Damen gently, almost sweetly.Then he pulled away, slipping another finger into Damen, finding Damen’s prostate and stroking.Letting out a shaky sigh, Damen met Laurent’s gaze and held it.

“You’re so fucking beautiful like this,” Laurent murmured.The words were entirely unexpected and Damen felt the heat in his stomach draw tighter.

“Fuck me,” he said.“Please, Laurent.”

“You’re not…”

“I’m fine.Please.”

Nodding, Laurent slid his fingers out of Damen, quickly removed his jeans, lubed his cock, and then positioned himself.With a look at Damen, he started to press in.It burned slightly, but not enough to cause concern.Damen was more interested in how this was going to go.He honestly had no idea if Laurent was going to fuck him hard and fast or make love to him.It had been obvious, earlier, that Laurent had intended on hard and fast, not wanting to get too emotionally involved, but things changed when they actually started kissing.

When Laurent’s hips were against his, Damen reached up and ran his hand through Laurent’s hair.A decision was made and Laurent leaned in, kissing Damen, letting Damen take most of his weight.His thrusts were simple rolls of his hips and they were slow, so slow Damen was panting, the swell of heat slower than he was used to.They were both murmuring to each other, though Damen had no idea what he or Laurent was actually saying. 

When they came, inevitably, Damen felt as though he were about to cry.He didn’t, thankfully, but it was so good and he was so in love and Laurent was everywhere, the feel of him still present even when he rolled off Damen. 

“I love you,” Damen said, pressing kisses to Laurent’s forearm, the closest thing.

“I love you, too,” Laurent replied.There was a moment of silence and Damen knew he was debating whether he should stand and clean up or not.

“Stay,” Damen whispered.

“Okay,” Laurent said, folding himself into Damen’s body.

“Can I ask you something?”

“If you would ask me the question any other time, then yes.If not, no.I don’t need you taking advantage.”

“What was it like?” Damen asked.“Those two years.For you.”

A heavy silence commenced, Laurent drawing mindless patterns on Damen’s chest with two fingers.Then, in a voice barely audible, Laurent said, “Horrible.I knew how to build walls back up and quickly—that has never been a problem—but I still had to live within them.For the first couple weeks, I didn’t talk at all.I just wandered the apartment like a ghost.Nicaise managed to snap me out.He pointed out I was supposed to be taking care of him and not the other way around.So I did.

“I was tired of everything in my life.They all reminded me of you, somehow, and I was desperate to not think about you.So I moved.Bought new things.Jord helped.

“Then I heard about that goddamn party.Jord insisted I go, get out of bed, act like a normal human being outside of work.I knew it was because you’d be there and he thought we’d be able to work things out.He thought, I’m sure, that I could handle myself, be mature, realize and understand how much I missed you and do something about it.And I was going to try.I really was.I think.But then it was the day before the party and I started losing my mind a little bit, thinking you’d have someone with you, that it would be easy for you to move on.”

“That’s stupid,” Damen murmured.

“Yes, well, you’re you.Everyone loves you and rightfully so and I never did deserve you and I thought you’d realize that once you spent some time away from me.”

“Not this again.”

“Are you going to let me tell you how those two years were or are you going to keep interrupting me?” Laurent said.

“Sorry.Continue.”

“So I found a date, some guy who desperately wanted me to fuck him.I didn’t, obviously, but he came to the party with me, anyway, likely hoping I would change my mind.I ignored him most of the night but then you arrived and I panicked.You were alone, you were beautiful even though you looked a mess, and you hadn’t seen me yet.I had a decision to make.I made the same decision I always do when I’m afraid.I tore things to the ground.

“I spent all night crying when I got home.I hadn’t actually cried yet.But I felt terrible.You’d looked so hurt.I’d hurt you and I hadn’t wanted to.Except that I had.I’d made the decision to hurt you and myself so that you would stay away and it was a decision I stuck with.”

Running his fingers through Laurent’s hair, Damen said, “I forgive you.For all of it.”

There was a soft, pained noise from Laurent.“I saw you more than I thought I would over the years.And it got harder to ignore you each time.”Laurent took a deep, shuddering breath and kissed Damen’s shoulder.“You were just so you, unfailingly, and you knew everything there was to know about me and it got to the point where I needed you to break, yell, tell me you hated me, so I could stop being in love with you, stop spending my nights lying awake hoping and telling myself to get my shit together and get you back.Then, miraculously, at the wedding it happened.Except you did the exact opposite of what I expected.You told me you still cared.”

“Did you actually think we could be friends?” Damen asked.

“I’m not delusional.Of course I didn’t.But when you told me you wanted me in your life, I suddenly needed you in mine.However, I knew that if we went right back to this, I would ruin it all over again.I was still angry and hurt and confused.”

“And to think we could’ve had angry hate sex.”

Laurent slapped him hard, but laughed into his shoulder.“Have you ever had angry hate sex?”

“No.Doesn’t really appeal to me.” “I didn’t think so.”

Yawning, Damen kissed the top of Laurent’s head and then shuffled to the edge of the bed, grabbing his shirt and cleaned himself and Laurent up.When that was done, he snuggled underneath the covers and watched Laurent, who was still on top of them, naked and staring at the ceiling, mind far away.

Fairly quickly, he realized he was the only one uncovered and he followed suit, pressing himself to Damen’s side, Damen holding him and closing his eyes in contentment.With a soft laugh, Laurent traced Damen’s eyelids gently.“What happened to going all night?” he said.

“I got sleepy.”

“I thought you were the king of stamina.”

“I regret saying that,” Damen said.

Laurent hummed, satisfied with the answer and dug his face into Damen’s neck, leaving his lips against the skin.

“I could wake you up with a blow job, though.”

“Terrible idea,” Laurent murmured.“I’ll probably hurt you.”

“Right.”

A comfortable silence pervaded the room.Damen was on the edge of sleep when Laurent spoke again.“Thank you for not making your question about my uncle.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Damen mumbled.“Go to sleep.”

“Damen?”

“Hmm.”

“Never mind.Sleep well.”

If Damen had been more awake, he wouldn’t have let that slide, but as it was, he could barely form words.It rankled at him, though, as he fell asleep and when he woke in the morning to find the bed empty beside him, he found that he wasn’t terribly surprised.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I realize this is kind of out of the blue, but this is actually the end of the story. There will be an epilogue and it will be long, so it isn't the last chapter, but it's the second to last. I'll go crazy with thank you's then, but I still want to thank you all, as always. There will never be enough thank yous to truly convey my gratitude.  
> And thanks to Mari, as well, the coolest friend a girl could have  
> Enjoy! <3

When Damen managed to stumble down to the kitchen, he found Nicaise there reading a book and sipping a hot mug of something.Probably hot chocolate.He’d never been fond of coffee.Strolling to the cabinet, he grabbed his own mug and headed over to the coffee pot which wasn’t hot, but it was at least half full.Pouring himself a cup, Damen leaned against the counter and stared at Nicaise, who was ignoring him.It could’ve been the book, but Nicaise’s eyes weren’t moving so Damen knew it wasn’t that.“Where is he?” Damen asked.

“Work.”

“It’s Saturday.”

Nicaise grimaced lightly.“He opened up the bookshop.”

“Ah,” Damen said, taking a seat beside Nicaise and lifting the book from his grasp with a sharp tug.Nicaise didn’t mount any kind of defense.“Did he say anything?”

“No.Of course he didn’t.I asked, but…he was weird.Did you do something?”

“We had sex,” Damen said.He could still feel it.

There was a soft understanding noise from Nicaise and Damen groaned, letting his forehead fall onto the counter.Laurent hadn’t been ready.It wasn’t even early in the day, but it was still too early for this.A warm hand landed on the nape of his neck and squeezed gently.“Do I leave him alone?” Damen whispered.“Is that what I do?”

“I think so,” Nicaise sighed.“Not for long, though.Do not leave him alone too long, you hear me?”

“Okay.”

“It’ll be okay, Damen.”

“Will it?”Laurent’s relationship with sex was a very complicated thing.Laurent’s relationship with _him_ was a very complicated thing.

“Yes,” Nicaise said with confidence.“It’s one of the few things in his life that feels right.”

“Did he say that to you?”

“Yes.”

“I just wish he’d come to me when he’s freaking out, you know?He’s supposed to trust me,” Damen said.As he said it, he realized that was what had happened last night.Laurent had tried and he’d fallen asleep instead.Great.

“To be fair, it’s you he’s freaking out about.”

“Still.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I just…”

“Woah,” Nicaise said, removing his hand from Damen’s neck and tugging his head up.“I am not a relationship counselor, nor do I want to be.I was willing to sympathize a little, but now you just need to suck it up.Go home.Get in the shower.Play with Fred and George and then call Nik and hang out with him for the night.Try not to worry if Laurent doesn’t contact you and I will update you tomorrow.Okay?”

“Yeah, alright.Thanks,” Damen said, finishing his coffee in two gulps, sticking it in the dishwasher, and then checking the pockets of his jeans for his things.He had his wallet and keys, the key for the bookshop obviously missing.It was a tiny, antique looking thing that was easily recognizable.

 

Driving home, he felt like he was in a daze.Distantly, he knew cars were around him and that he was heading in the right direction, but that was the only concentration he could muster.He was worried.He was worried Laurent was going to run again.

It didn’t make him angry, necessarily.To him, it felt like they were beyond another earth-shattering argument, neither one of them wanting to put themselves or each other through it again.But maybe they weren’t beyond a quiet falling apart.They definitely weren’t if Laurent panicked again.And this was the one thing Damen didn’t trust him with.Whatever he said about not running this time, Damen didn’t quite believe it.He believed Laurent didn’t want to, but those weren’t the same things.And if Laurent were to run again, that would be it.Because it was a pattern Laurent had promised to break and even though Damen knew patterns were hard to disturb, he wasn't willing to be stuck with Laurent.

When he got home, he ran a bath and got in and called Nikandros.  He figured if his phone fell in, he could just buy a new one.

“Laurent made love to me last night,” Damen said before Nikandros even said hello.“And I don’t think he meant to.It didn’t start out slow, but then he told me I was beautiful and something flipped and this morning, he went to open up the bookshop.He wasn’t ready for what we did and I don’t know what to do.”

“That is more than I ever wanted to know about your sex life.”

“Nik,” Damen whined.“Nicaise told me to leave him alone for the day and I know that’s the right call, but I’m going crazy.What if he was wrong and he can’t do this?”Tears pricked the side of his eyes and his voice broke.“He’s everything, Nik.I want to marry him.I want to wake up everyday and see his face.I want to raise children with him.I want to be sitting in my living room when I’m fifty years old with him there, in a chair next to me, reading a book.I want it so badly.”

“Yeah, I know,” Nikandros whispered.Then, in a stronger voice, “He’ll stay, Damen.I know he will.”

“I want to marry him,” Damen breathed.“Oh god.”He hadn’t even realized until he’d said it out loud.It was true, though.It was a terrifying realization.Only a few months—barely—they’d been back together and already Damen was back in that deep.

“Okay, I’m coming over.Do you want pizza, Chinese, or Thai?”

“Thai.”

“Done.”

“Do you know if Jord’s talked to him?” Damen asked, biting his lip.

“Hang on, I’ll ask.”A series of muffled murmurings sounded over the phone and then Nikandros returned.“Yeah, he did.Laurent called him early this morning, apparently.I have to say I completely missed it.”

“Good,” Damen murmured.“It’s good he’s talking to someone.”

“I’ll be there soon.”

“Thanks.”

“Course,” Nikandros said, hanging up.Damen placed his phone on the edge of the bath and settled more comfortably in the water, sighing heavily.He was too large for the tub and not everything quite fit, but the slightly weightless feeling was enough.And it was so warm.

“It’s going to be okay,” he whispered to himself over and over again.

Twenty minutes later, the water heading towards lukewarm, there was a knock on the bathroom door.Then Nikandros stepped in, sitting down on the edge of the tub and handing over a plastic carton of food and a fork without a word.They ate in silence and when Damen finished his food, the water definitely not warm, Damen opened the drain with his foot and said, “Turn the water back on, will you?”

“Sure.”

“I’m overreacting, aren’t I?” Damen said, louder than he wanted to.But there was the sound of water gushing from a tap to be competed with.

“Since it’s Laurent, maybe.But I know I wouldn’t have handled it well if Jord wasn’t in bed after the first time we had sex.I mean, I realize it’s not your first time together, but in a way it kind of is.So…no?”

“I hate that he can do this to me,” Damen said.

“I bet you he hates what you can do to him more.”

“Probably.”

“Have you texted him?”

Damen groaned and Nikandros visibly winced, clearly regretting that he’d asked.“No,” Damen said.“I really, really want to, but no.”

“It’s not a horrible idea, you know.He might be expecting it.”

“You think?”

“I’ll be honest, I don’t know.I don’t understand Laurent at all, you know that.But it’s what I would want if I was him.I’d want to know you were thinking about me,” Nikandros shrugged, sliding down to the floor beside the tub, clearly realizing they were going to be here awhile.Leaning his chin on the side, he stared at Damen.“Are you going to be in the tub all day?”

“No.Just a little longer.”

“Alright.Why don’t you text Laurent, finish up your bath, and I’ll call the guys, see if I can get a game of soccer together.”

“I love you,” Damen said.

“I know,” Nikandros replied, standing and slipping out of the bathroom, shutting the door quietly behind him.Damen laid there in silence for over five minutes, staring at the ceiling, before he wiped his hands down on the towel he left on the edge of the tub and picked up his phone.

_D: I know last night was a lot for you.Remember, I love you.And to me, it was perfect_

 

When Damen got back from the pick-up soccer game, which had worked wonders, there was still nothing from Laurent or Nicaise.It didn’t particularly surprise him, but Nikandros had gone home, thinking he would be okay, and now he was very alone.

A meow broke through his moping and he grinned despite himself.Somehow, he’d forgotten about Fred and George.Looking down, he saw Fred at his feet, meowing and rubbing up against his leg.“Hey,” Damen murmured, reaching down and sliding his fingers through Fred’s fur.“You’ve been alone awhile, huh?Sorry about that.Why don’t you go find your brother and we can all hang out?”

Fred just meowed again, butting his head against Damen’s hand and Damen laughed, picking him up and letting him crawl onto his shoulders.Together, the two of them searched for George, eventually finding him clawing at the curtains in the guest bedroom upstairs.Not having the energy to scold his cat, Damen simply picked him up and carried both of them downstairs, settling down on the couch and letting them wander.Surprisingly, they both decided to stay with him, Fred even settling on his lap and purring loudly.

The soft fur, the quiet purring, and the warmth in his lap lulled Damen into a stupor, one that quickly turned into a late afternoon nap.When he startled back awake, after a claw dug hard into his chest, the sun was setting.

“Great,” he mumbled, gently moving Fred to the side and standing, stretching his arms to the ceiling.“Now I won’t be able to sleep tonight.Why didn’t you wake me up, Fred?”

Fred slow-blinked at him.

“And I need to stop having conversations with my cats.”Wandering to the kitchen, Damen scrounged for food, returning to the couch when he found some, turning on the TV and watching _Friends_ repeats until his mind went numb.

Once he turned the TV off, there was nothing else to do.Not that he could think of, anyway.Going up to his bedroom, he took off his clothes and got into bed, playing Candy Crush on his phone until he ran out of lives.Then he stared up at the ceiling and wondered what Laurent was up to, what he was thinking.It was a largely fruitless activity, so Damen resigned himself to a night of not sleeping and going slowly insane.

 

Two days later, he’d still heard nothing.Not even from Nicaise, who had promised.It was likely Laurent had managed to convince Nicaise not to contact Damen.The nights had been bad and Damen stumbled out of bed that morning at six-thirty grumpy, hair a mess, and eyes bloodshot.Grabbing his phone, he texted Nicaise.

_D: I don’t know if you’re up, I don’t know if Laurent’s up, but I’m done waiting.If you get this, have the door unlocked for me.If not, I’ll just sit on the stairs until you do._

Then he got into his car and drove, not worrying about the fact that his hair was a mess, he hadn’t had coffee, and he was wearing sweatpants with a threadbare tank-top.When he got to Laurent’s house, the door was locked, so he sat on the top step and hunched his shoulders, clutching his arms against his chest.It was early enough that it wasn’t warm yet, though the sun was starting to rise.

“Should’ve brought a fucking jacket,” Damen mumbled to himself.

He had to admit, it was nice to watch the sun rise.He rarely got up early enough to do so.The colors were pastel and it was so peaceful and quiet, the rest of the world not quite ready to move. 

By now, Nicaise was probably awake.Laurent definitely was, had been since Damen had gotten here, as it was a Monday and he had work, but Damen had not been counting on Laurent to let him in.Sure enough, five minutes later, the door behind him unlocked and Nicaise stepped out, hair still sleep-ruffled.“Hey,” he yawned.“Come on in.Laurent’s upstairs.I’ve started brewing some coffee if you want some before you head up.”

“Thanks, but I’m just going to…” Damen trailed off, gesturing up the stairs.

Nicaise nodded, not saying another word.Damen had been hoping that Nicaise would give him some indication of what to expect, but Laurent had apparently managed to seal his lips tight.Or maybe Nicaise simply had no idea.

Trudging up the stairs, Damen found the door of Laurent’s bedroom open.When he peered in, he saw Laurent standing at the window, gazing out, a shirt in hand but not actually on his body.The lines of his torso were gorgeous in the early light.Leaning against the doorjamb, Damen whispered, “Hi.”

“Hi,” Laurent said, not turning around, voice completely unsurprised.He must’ve seen Damen sitting out there.

Once, that reaction would’ve made Damen’s stomach roil with anger, but it didn’t now.He now had a larger understanding of just what Laurent went through and how difficult it was for him to surrender control.Maybe if Laurent had completely ignored his greeting it would’ve been different, but it was a clear effort on Laurent’s part to reach out.Breaching the room, Damen sat down on the end of the bed, leaning back on his hands.He’d come here.He’d found the courage to come into the house.It was Laurent’s turn now and Damen was willing to wait.

“Couldn’t we do this after work?” Laurent murmured, still not turning around.

“I guess,” Damen replied.“I’d like to take a nap, though.I’ve been having trouble sleeping recently.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not really.”

Damen sighed.“I’m not mad at you, Laurent.Unlike last time, I know what’s going on and I know you needed space and I’m alright with that.I’m alright if you need more.I just need to know that you’re not going to run, that we’re on the same page.”

“I said I wouldn’t, didn’t I?” Laurent whispered.

“But you did run last time and again a couple days ago,” Damen pointed out gently.

When there wasn’t a reply, Damen sighed, falling back onto the bed and gazing at the ceiling.“I’m going to be honest with you,” he began, “because I’m tired of wondering whether you’re going to stay or not.That’s what it really comes down to, you know.That’s what it has always come down to.I figure if I do my best to freak you out and you still want to stay, then I’ll be able to trust what you’re saying.

“I want to marry you.I have since the moment you first kissed me under that streetlamp, when your mouth tasted of cookie dough.It’s probably your own goddamn fault, making me court you for seven months.

“This isn’t me proposing.I fully intend on doing so at some point, but I’ll have a ring and I’ll get down on a knee and I’ll make sure it’s in a way that makes you deliriously happy because that’s what you deserve.I also fully realize we’ve only been seeing each other a couple months and I can probably wait another month or something before I drain my tiny well of self control and ask you.”

That earned a muffled laugh from Laurent.

Smiling softly, Damen said, “I know I’ve told you before, but you’re the love of my life.You’re it.You’re my soulmate.Whatever.That hasn’t changed—didn’t, even over those two hellish years—and I’m fairly confident it won’t.”

Apparently the laugh had been a sob, because Laurent’s shoulders started heaving and the muffled noises turned into something that was distinctly not laughter.Completely shocked, Damen sat up and watched Laurent curl in on himself.It occurred to him that he perhaps shouldn’t let Laurent cry alone, but he didn’t know where they stood and Laurent did not like being touched in this kind of situation unless otherwise specified.

Damen made some sort of strangled noise, something he had no idea he was even capable of making, and then Laurent was there, crawling onto his lap, hooking his legs behind Damen, and hugging him close, not even a centimeter separating their bodies.He kept sobbing, the quaking of his body shaking Damen as well.It sounded almost painful.Still unsure what was going on, Damen simply wound his arms around Laurent and rubbed his back.

The sobs started to slow and then they were hiccups and then they were sniffles.Knowing Laurent would be more likely to talk with his face inside Damen’s neck, Damen said, “Please tell me that was happy crying.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Laurent mumbled.

“You do,” Damen said fiercely.

“I’m a fucking mess, Damen.”

“You’re not, really.But even if you were, it’s a mess I would be privileged to help pick up piece by piece.”

Laurent pulled away slightly, untucking his face from Damen’s neck.His eyes were puffy and the tip of his nose was red.In a soft voice, he said, “You want to marry me?”

“Yeah, I kind of do.”

“Oh.”A slightly panicked look crossed his face and Damen took his chin in hand and forced their eyes to meet.

“I am not going to leave you.Not ever.Panic all you want—you can panic all the time for all I care—but you need to hear what I’m saying.You can be distant sometimes, you can go entire weeks asking me not to touch you, you can yell at me, and I’ll still be here.I know all your tricks, Laurent.And as long as I know that you still want this, you still want me, then we’ll be fine.Obviously, you’re going to have to remind me sometimes, because I’m only human and I have insecurities too.But I know you—all of you—and all of you is exactly what I want.Have faith in me.Trust me.”

With slightly shaking fingers, Laurent trailed his hand down the side of Damen’s face.“Are you sure you aren’t proposing?” he murmured, a tiny glint of his teasing side shining through.

“Yep.”

“Too bad, really.I might’ve said yes.”

“I bet I can get you to say yes later, too,” Damen grinned.

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Laurent said, definitely teasing now.The sharp smile quickly faded, though.“I’m sorry I keep hurting you,” he murmured.“I didn’t mean to leave you alone so long, I really didn’t, but I was overwhelmed.”

“I know.”

“The sex wasn’t supposed to be like that.”

“I know.”

“And we definitely weren’t supposed to talk about our break up afterwards,” Laurent said.

“I know.”

“Don’t make me hurt you.”

Damen smiled, running his fingers through Laurent’s hair and pressing a kiss to his jaw.“But?” he said, encouraging a furthering of the explanation.

“But then you were sitting out there wearing this horrible excuse for an outfit.You came in here, looking as though you hadn’t slept in days, and told me you wanted to marry me.I hope you realize you are absolutely insane.”

“I do.”

“I’m so sorry it’s so hard for me to love you.”

“I’m not,” Damen said honestly.

“But I’m not going to leave you, either.I said I wouldn’t and I meant it.”

“Okay,” Damen said, believing it.

Leaning in, Laurent kissed him softly on the lips.There were a few minutes of silence, their eyes closed and their foreheads touching, before Laurent started to talk quietly, not disrupting the bubble around them.“I hated him.I hated what he did to me and I hated that he made me believe it was my fault for so long.”

“Laurent…”

“Shut up,” Laurent murmured, not unkindly.“But then he died.For about five minutes, I felt like throwing a party with cake and everything.I was even going to invite you because I knew you’d be as celebratory as me.But then I felt guilty.I know he doesn’t deserve my guilt, I do, but I felt it all the same.But you know what I hated most?”

“What?” Damen whispered.

“He didn’t die immediately.I watched it happen.And I was standing there, thinking I should be cheering, but realizing deep down, I was more like you.I spent years convincing myself blood didn’t matter to me and in the end it did.In the end, if he’d asked for forgiveness, I might have given it to him.  Maybe.”

“He wouldn’t have asked.”

“I know,” Laurent laughed, the noise harsh.“But that’s why.I knew what I was doing to you when I asked you to sit with me out on that hot tub.I knew you were trying to keep your distance and I was going to let you.It was the least I could do after ruining your life so thoroughly.But when he was dying, all I could think was how much I wanted you with me.Because you would’ve understood.You would’ve understood wanting him dead and you would’ve understood offering him forgiveness.You are the only person I know who would understand both.You do, don’t you?”

“I do,” Damen whispered.“But I’m still glad he’s dead.”

“Oh, me too,” Laurent said.“The guilt didn’t last past the first week of his passing.After that, I did celebrate with a bottle of wine and a bath.”

Damen laughed, tugging Laurent back into his body.They clutched at each other, hard, and then Laurent said, “I have to go to work.”

“Like hell.Take the day off.”It felt as though if they separated now, it would physically hurt.

“It’s a little late to call in.”

“So?”

“What would I be doing instead?”

Damen considered that and then said, “What if you came and ran the bookshop with me today?”

“I’ll call in,” Laurent said, kissing Damen’s neck.He didn’t immediately move, though, and Damen didn’t ask him to.This was the safest and warmest Damen had felt in years.He knew it was the same for Laurent.

A shout came from downstairs.“Hey, everything alright up there?Do I need to find that fire extinguisher and spray you guys until you aren’t idiots anymore?”

“No,” Laurent called back.“We’re fine.Why don’t you bring me my phone, though?”

“Where is it?”

“On the counter.”

Damen nuzzled Laurent’s neck, breathing him in, and neither of them had moved by the time Nicaise arrived.There had been a small jerk when the footsteps sounded on the stairs, but then Laurent had decided Nicaise wasn’t worth moving for.

“Hey, kid,” Damen said softly, holding his hand out for the phone.Nicaise handed it over with a grin.Twisting his arm behind his back, Damen gave it to Laurent, who wound one arm around Damen’s neck and used the other to make the call.

It wasn’t the only call he made, though.Right after he hung up on his boss, he called Nicaise’s school and told them Nicaise wouldn’t be coming in today.When asked for a reason, he’d said, “We’re having a family day.”

Nicaise didn’t stop smiling.Not while they drove to the bookshop, not when they were stocking books, not when he was bored sitting behind the desk, flinging quarters at Damen.Something had settled over the three of them, a sort of energy, and it was very clear what it said.They were going to be okay.


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is it. I didn't expect this many people to be along for this ride, so thank you so goddamn much everyone who did. It's a certain kind of dedication to read a wip break up fic and I respect that dedication like crazy. Especially since it helps a fuck ton to receive comments about something I'm writing. Makes it much easier to finish.  
> As always, I'd like to thank everyone for every hit, kudos, and comment, because each little bit makes me super happy. As a writer, it's the nicest thing in the world to realize that there are some people who give a fuck about what you're writing. I sure as hell don't write into a void. I write to share.  
> I hope this ending here is satisfying, because you all deserve a satisfying ending. This has been the most controversial (?) thing I've written in this fandom, but it's certainly been one of the most rewarding. Probably because of that.  
> And thanks, of course, to Mari, who made this fic possible simply by telling me she would read the shit out of it when I pitched the idea to her.  
> Enjoy! <3
> 
> P.S. I'll get to comments very soon. Promise. Reiterating that they mean a fuck ton to me

Five Months Later

 

“You know, this is getting exhausting,” Laurent said, standing at the edge of a rock outcropping and looking out at the valley below them.They’d hiked up to the top of a rather large hill to watch the sunrise.It had been the only way Damen could convince Laurent to come on a hike with him.He was so incredibly tired and he was impressed he hadn’t tripped and died in the darkness on the way up.

“What is?” Damen yawned, sitting down on the ground and leaning up against a standing rock.The sky was starting to lighten.Despite that, he was relatively confident he could fall asleep right here, right now.

“I know you have a ring.I know one of these times that I think you’re going to propose to me, I’ll actually be right.”

“You could always propose, you know,” Damen said, closing his eyes and leaning his head back so he could smile at the sky.He knew it was getting exhausting.For months and months, Laurent had been saying things like, ‘You’d better not propose to me here,’ and ‘I thought your self control was only supposed to last a month’.The truth was, Damen had been going to propose, a very long time ago, until he’d been thinking about what he wanted to say and realized he wanted to say something that required time.

“I’d rather be proposed to,” Laurent replied, interrupting his thoughts.

Damen laughed and tilted his head back down so he could look at Laurent, whose back was still turned to him.“Why don’t you come sit with me?”

There was a long sigh and then Laurent did as he was bid, settling right next to Damen.Reaching for Damen’s hand, he interlocked their fingers and together, and they silently watched the sky turn, the rocks slowly getting washed in pale morning light.It was freezing.The hand that was holding Laurent’s was going numb, but he wasn’t going to let go no matter what.

“Has Nicaise started applying for college yet?” Damen asked into the quiet once the sun had risen.  Neither of them seemed interested in moving.

“No,” Laurent said.“He’s procrastinating.I’m not even convinced he actually knows where he wants to go.”

“Someone should tell him he kind of needs to have that figured out by now.”

“Be my guest.I _have_ tried.He’s gotten rather good at slamming doors in my face if he doesn’t want to talk about something.”

“I’ve noticed that,” Damen laughed.

“He doesn’t want to leave home,” Laurent whispered.“He would never admit it, but I know he doesn’t.I’m blaming that entirely on you, by the way.You’re the one who decided you wanted to be his friend more than his parent.”

“And I still stand by that.”

“I know.”

“He could live at home,” Damen said.“He could go to Portland State and stay with us.”

“I am not letting him live at home.What kind of college experience is that?It’s not like he’s actually going to do homework or go to class.I should be paying for something.”

“So we force him to go to parties every once in awhile.”

“I force him, you mean,” Laurent said.

“Fair point.I’ll shut up now.”

Leaning his head on Damen’s shoulder, Laurent said, “I’ll consider it.”

“Do you want to head back down?”

Nodding, Laurent stood and helped Damen up.It was a thirty minute walk back down the hill, which they did in relative silence.It wasn’t often they did talk, to be honest, because Laurent didn’t prefer to unless he was answering a question or had something important to say.If you’d told Damen that was how it was going to be three years ago, when he’d just started going out with Laurent, he would’ve laughed, thinking himself incapable.But it turned out he was more than capable.It was even nice.There was something about being quiet with someone that was unbelievably intimate.He’d never known.

Their car was waiting at the bottom of the hill.They got in and drove back to the house, so they could cook breakfast for Nicaise and then spend a Sunday doing whatever they wanted.It was the one day of the week Laurent decided the bookshop wasn’t going to be open.The sales there had increased a fair amount since Laurent had taken over, since he’d managed to keep consistent hours, something Damen hadn’t done.

In the kitchen, Damen opened the fridge and called, “Babe, we only have two eggs.”

Laurent wandered in, his coat gone and sweatpants on over his shorts.“Yes.I made cookies last night.A lot of cookies.”Damen looked around and saw over four ziplocs filled with cookies in the corner of the counter by the microwave.

“When?”

“Around two.I had a nightmare.”

“Want to talk about it?” Damen asked softly.

“Not really,” Laurent said, opening the freezer and pulling out sausage and hash browns.Then he turned on the sink, warm water spilling out, and massaged his neck lightly as he waited for the sink to fill.Coming up behind him, Damen gently touched his hand, stopping its movements.Lightly kissing the back of it, Damen pushed it out of the way and replaced it with his own hands, massaging with his thumbs, hair tickling the backs of his hands.

Laurent shut the tap off, placed the hash browns and sausage in the sink and then leaned back, so Damen had to remove his hands, instead winding them around Laurent’s waist and pulling him back into his chest.“I’ll go to the store after breakfast,” Damen murmured.

“You hate going to the store.”

“I wasn’t the one who had a nightmare last night.”

“You know perfectly well…”

“Laurent,” Damen interrupted, holding him tighter.“I’m just trying to do something nice for you.”

“I know.I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.So, are we making pancakes or french toast?”

“Pancakes.”

Damen nodded and started collecting bowls and ingredients and placing them in front of Laurent, who started mixing things together right away.They were just about to start cooking them on a griddle, when Nicaise wandered in, yawning, his hair a mess.“How was the hike?” he asked, sitting at the counter.

“Early,” Damen said.

“Lovely,” Laurent said at the same time.

“He didn’t propose,” Nicaise sighed, looking at Laurent.With a smile, Laurent shook his head.Groaning, Nicaise padded across the kitchen to where his backpack was sitting against a wall, pulled out his wallet, and returned, flinging ten dollars at Laurent’s face.

“Jesus,” Damen said.“You’re placing bets on it now?”

“You’re the one taking so fucking long.Plus, an early morning sunrise in nature is totally your thing.”

“I suppose that’s true,” Damen allowed.In reality, all he’d been waiting for was the seventh month they’d been dating and a moment where he felt undeniably and hopelessly in love.Those were his only requirements.He knew it would feel the most genuine to him.And he knew, that way, it would surprise Laurent, who was expecting something at least partially manufactured.

There had been so many moments where he’d considered throwing away his plan and proposing anyway.There was the day he'd gotten home from his first day at his new job, helping out at a retirement home and Laurent had had dinner ready, almost certainly closing the bookshop early to do so.There was the day they’d moved in together, Damen putting up his parents’ house for sale, and Laurent had been sweetly considerate even though he’d been panicking.There was the day he’d woken up to Laurent giving him a blow job, the day Laurent had been upset about his uncle and he’d come to Damen without a thought, and the day Damen had realized Laurent had gone back to saying ‘anything for you’ instead of ‘you’re welcome’.

A voice calling his name broke through his thoughts and he blinked at Nicaise, who smiled and said, “Welcome back.You know, it’s incredibly pathetic to stand around thinking about Laurent when he’s literally right next to you.”

“You know what’s really pathetic?”

“What?”

“You sitting around doing the same thing I just did, but not telling me who the fuck it is you’re thinking about.”

Nicaise blushed and flipped Damen off.Beside him, Laurent flipped a pancake and then said, “I’m sorry.My nephew has a crush on someone?Why am I only hearing about this now?”

“I didn’t know he knew,” Nicaise grumbled.

“You’re one of my best friends.Of course I knew.”

“So,” Laurent said, removing pancakes from the griddle and stacking them on a plate to be consumed whenever the consumers were ready.“What are they like?You should invite them over for dinner.”

“I am not going to invite them over for dinner.”

“You totally should,” Damen agreed.“That would be hilarious.”

“Should we tell them about the time Nicaise threw a fit over you eating the last red otter pop?” Laurent said.

“Or the time he cried during a tickle fight?”

“Or the time I kicked you both in the balls and you collapsed to the kitchen floor and stayed there for hours?” Nicaise said. 

“I’m terrified,” Laurent said.

“So terrified,” Damen added.

Taking three of the pancakes from the top of the stack, Nicaise stomped off back up the stairs.Laughing, Laurent called after him, “There’ll be hash browns and sausage in a few minutes.We’ll see you then.”

Slipping the spatula from Laurent’s hand, Damen said, “I think I’d really like to make out with you now.”

“That’s a horrible transition.”

Instead of talking, Damen leaned in and kissed Laurent just the way Laurent liked, slow and soft and wet.A hum of pleasure vibrated between them and Laurent wound his arms around Damen’s neck and arched into him, kissing back with fervor.Slipping his hands underneath Laurent’s shirt, he stroked the skin of his sides and back gently, moaning none-too-softly when Laurent bit his bottom lip and pulled it into his mouth.“If you keep doing that,” Damen murmured between kisses, “Nicaise is going to be forever scarred.”

“And why’s that?”

“He’ll walk in on me making love to you on the kitchen table.”

“You’re the one groping me.”

Damen laughed into the next kiss, hiking Laurent up onto the counter, changing the angle.They kissed awhile longer, Laurent keeping the kisses tamer, without purpose, and then Damen broke away, kissing Laurent’s neck as an afterthought.Retreating, he picked up the hash browns and sausage from the sink and set to cooking them.Laurent stayed on the counter and watched, occasionally pushing Damen’s hair out of his forehead.The only comment he made was a request for more salt in the hash browns.

Sure enough, Nicaise did wander back in, drawn by the smell of freshly cooked sausage, and ate half of all of it easily.When he tried to reach for one last pancake, Laurent slid from the counter and blocked his way, folding his arms across his chest and saying, “Name.”

“His name’s Wes.”

“Wes.”

“It’s a good name,” Damen said.

Nicaise rolled his eyes, snatched a pancake, and said, “Since you two are irritating assholes, I suppose I’ll just tell you that I’m going over to his house now.I don’t know when I’ll be back.Don’t have too much fun without me.”

“Take one of those condoms I got you for your birthday,” Laurent said.

“Already done,” Nicaise smirked, heading out the door.

“And invite him for dinner!”

Laurent got the finger this time.

“It’s adorable that he thinks that was convincing,” Damen said, staring fondly at the closed door.

“What do you want to do today?” Laurent asked, taking a bite of sausage, holding it between two of his fingers as if it were a dirty napkin. 

Something in his eyes told Damen that he already had something in mind, so he said, “I don’t know, Laurent.What are we doing today?”

Laurent grinned.“The bookshop needs a good spring cleaning.”

“It’s November.”

“So?”

“Spring cleaning it is,” Damen said, grabbing a pancake, pouring syrup haphazardly over it and shoving all of it in his mouth.Laurent grimaced at him, but when Damen made a face, he burst into laughter, leaning into Damen as he did.

“You know cleaning supplies better than I do,” Damen said.“I’ll clean up here and go to the store while you take care of that.”

Sliding his hand up to Damen’s neck, Laurent said, “What were we doing those two years again?”

“Being stupid.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Damen replied, taking Laurent’s hand and kissing the palm.

Splitting up, they did their tasks and then they drove to the bookstore and got started.Laurent painstakingly removed every book from every shelf, dusting the shelves and the books.It wasn’t worth mentioning that most of the books didn’t need it.This store, these books, they were all incredibly important to Laurent.Damen helped with that for awhile, but then he worked on vacuuming and cleaning the inside and outside of windows.He replaced tape on signs in the window—Laurent had integrated poetry nights—and then he vacuumed couches.Laurent had set up an iPod in the corner, which was playing music Damen had never heard before in his life, which was typical with Laurent.The amount of music he had was unfathomable.

When he was done with the couches, Damen collapsed on them and called for pizza to be delivered.Then he rolled his head over and watched Laurent, who was still dusting, mouthing the words to his music and occasionally swaying or bobbing his head.When a slower song came on, one Laurent clearly loved, his face softening when he heard the opening notes, he even spun.Damen whistled and Laurent stopped abruptly, flushing.Then he stuck his middle finger up at Damen and said, “Why the fuck aren’t you working?”

“Jesus, Laurent, I need breaks when I clean.Besides, I ordered pizza and I’m not starting up again until I’ve eaten.”

Sighing, Laurent tossed his rag over his shoulder and sat beside Damen on the couch.“Well, if you aren’t working, I don’t see why I should be,” he said, setting to work rolling up the legs of his sweatpants and tugging his hair up into the tiniest ponytail.Most of the hair fell out, but Laurent seemed satisfied, leaning back into the couch and closing his eyes, still humming along to the song.

Knocking their knees together, Damen said, “You look cute.”

Laurent opened one eye and gazed at him.When he shut it again, he simply said, “Thank you.”

“Sure thing.”

“Not going to complain about how sore your body is or how tired you are or how much you hate cleaning?”

“I can if you want me to.”

“No, thank you,” Laurent said, going back to humming.Damen watched him with a smile and then leaned down, pushing Laurent’s shirt up and blowing a raspberry onto his stomach.Lazily, Laurent tried to slap him away, but Damen avoided them and then leaned his cheek there.

“I’m so, so tired, babe.I got up _so_ early and then I cooked hash browns and I had to deal with a moody teenager and then you made me come here and clean.It’s not even my place to clean anymore.Remember when I gave it to you?”

Opening his eyes, Laurent flicked him in the forehead.In return, Damen blew another raspberry into his skin.That appeared to be one too many because Laurent’s eyes lit up and his fingers found Damen’s stomach, tickling.It wasn’t fair, because Damen was exceedingly ticklish and Laurent was hardly so.Gasping for breath he was laughing so hard, Damen tried to pry Laurent off, but it wasn’t working.Laurent was practically giggling—though he would be offended at that description—and only stopped when Damen begged him to. 

They were both breathing hard, still breaking into laughter occasionally, and once they settled, limbs sprawled all over each other, Damen kissed Laurent on the temple and leaned his forehead there, breathing.With gentle fingers, Laurent gripped the nape of his neck.“You always smell so fucking good,” Damen whispered.

“Cologne, darling.You should try it sometime.”

“You like my manly musk, though.”

“I’d probably like cologne better.I’ll buy you some for Christmas.”

“I’d never wear it,” Damen said.

“Fine.Be difficult.”

Damen’s phone rang, signaling the arrival of the pizza.Stepping outside, Damen found the delivery boy easily, tipping him extravagantly because he could and because he was in a good mood.Taking the pizza back inside, Damen placed it on the floor and without a word, Laurent joined him, grabbing a piece, gathering the trailing cheese with his finger and piling it on top.Staring at Damen, he slipped the greasy finger into his mouth and sucked.

“But pizza, Laurent,” Damen whined.

“Don’t have to fuck me now,” Laurent said, voice low, but then a glop of tomato sauce fell from the end of his pizza and onto his bare leg and Damen burst into laughter.With a sigh, Laurent began to search for napkins.

“Wait, wait, I’ll get it.”Placing a hand on the floor, Damen leaned across the pizza and sucked the tomato sauce into his mouth, licking away what was left on Laurent’s leg.Sitting back, he grinned and Laurent rolled his eyes.“No need to thank me,” Damen said.“I love being your personal napkin.”

“You do, though.”

“True.”

They ate together in silence, Laurent occasionally throwing pieces of sausage at Damen to see if he could catch them in his mouth.When they were both full, Laurent closed up the pizza box, put it on the front desk, and said, “Alright.Time to get back to cleaning.”

“I’m willing to fuck you now.”

“Missed your chance, babe.”

“Oh my god,” Damen said.

“What?”

“You just called me babe.”

“Did I?” Laurent said absentmindedly, already picking up his rag from the couch and heading back towards the shelves.Watching him, struck dumb, Damen saw him start to dust and then turn to him and say, “Damen.Stop standing around.”

But Damen couldn’t.He couldn’t explain why it mattered to him so much, that term of endearment in particular.It was just so informal, so Damen, that Damen knew the only reason Laurent had said it was because he hadn’t been thinking and because he’d picked it up from Damen.All he could do was watch Laurent start to dance again, just little movements of his hips, his sweatpants rolled up, barefoot, his shirt loose, and a hairband stupidly attached to his hair, accomplishing absolutely nothing.This was the man he’d picked.And, god, had it been the right decision.

“Laurent?” he said.

Something in his voice attracted Laurent’s attention, because he immediately stopped cleaning, slinging the rag back over his shoulder and padding over to Damen.Lying a hand against his neck, Laurent said, “What is it, Damen?Are you alright?”

Not sure he could speak yet, Damen simply sunk down onto one knee.Laurent’s eyes went wide and then he said, “Seriously?You wait ages and you pick now?I’m wearing sweatpants.”

“I know,” Damen said.“And you look really good in them.You look really good when you dance, too.You probably shouldn’t be embarrassed by that.”

“Noted,” Laurent said.

“I’m, uh, well, I was going to say lots of romantic things when this happened, because I was so sure I would have romantic things to say.I was waiting for a moment when, you know, I felt this overwhelming adoration and love for you, because then it would be authentic or something and you’d definitely be surprised.And I’m feeling those things, but I…you’re just so beautiful, you know?And I love spending time with you, even when it involves cleaning or not saying a word.I love how you’re basically cradling each one of those books and dusting every last one.I love that you tried to put your hair up even though you totally can’t.I love that you called me babe, because there is no universe where you would say that to anyone else.You probably won’t ever say it to me again now that I’ve pointed it out.I love that we fucking made it and that we fucking made it so good that I don’t have a single doubt.Laurent, marry me.”

“So demanding,” Laurent teased, smiling.Falling to his knees, he held Damen’s face between his hands and nodded.“I’ll marry you.Without question.”

“Thank you,” Damen blurted and then wincing at how stupid of a response that was.

“Anything for you.”

“Ask me why I waited so long.”

Laughing, Laurent said, “Why did you wait so long? _Babe_.”

“Well,” Damen began, kissing the tip of Laurent’s nose, “I was trying to hold out for eight months, but…”He hung his head.“I’m sure it’ll be a source of disappointment for a long time.”

“You seriously waited so you could throw in a lame ass joke?”

“Yep.”

“God,” Laurent breathed.“Why does that make me so insanely glad I’m marrying you?”

“Because you super love me.”

“That’s about the only thing that could make me so delusional.”

Pulling a ring from his pocket, Damen reached for Laurent’s hand and slipped it onto his finger.It fit perfectly.Laurent flattened his hand and gazed at it.“A simple gold band, I see.”

“You don’t like jewelry.”

Reaching into his own pocket, Laurent pulled out his own gold band.Damen stared down at it, completely shocked, and Laurent said, “Do you know how exhausting it is to remember to carry this with me everywhere because I knew you were going to try and surprise me?”

“You…”

“I’d like to give a romantic speech of my own, if that’s alright with you.I figure if there’s a time in my life to do it, it’s now.”

“Okay,” Damen whispered, voice shaking slightly.

“I’ve been thinking about what I want to say for a long time, because I want this to be the single most romantic moment of your life because it’s not about getting you back and it’s not because I'm slipping out of a post-orgasmic state.I rarely tell you how I feel or what I’ve felt in the past, because I never learned how to talk about those things and I still hate doing it.”

“Laurent…”

“Shut up, Damen.Back when you proposed the first time, after I left you hanging for days, you told me you’d known since you’d first kissed me.I want you to know that I did, too.And, of course, it scared me.You’ve always scared me.So what I decided would be most meaningful, what I really wanted to get across, is that you, us, this…it doesn’t scare me anymore.And it hasn’t for months.I have given you everything and left it in your care and it feels right.It feels good. 

“I want to thank you.I’m so grateful that you believed in me even when I didn’t, even when it was possibly the dumbest decision you ever made, because you are the one thing I couldn’t lose, but should’ve lost.I promise you that I will never, _never_ , treat you the way I treated you seven months ago again.I’ve never known how to love something, not really, but I like to think I’ve learned how to love you.I’ll keep learning, too.I’ve never wanted anyone else and I never will.And now you’re crying.Excellent.”

“Good crying,” Damen hiccuped.“Promise.”

“Give me your hand.”

Without a thought, Damen extended his hand and Laurent slipped his ring on.“There,” he declared.“Now we’re fiancés.Time to get off the floor and help me clean.”

“No way.You have an obligatory hug to take part in.”

“How long?”

“Just fit it in your goddamn schedule, Laurent.”

Laurent gave a heavy sigh but smiled.Wrapping his arms around Damen’s neck, he slid into his lap and let Damen hold him up.Damen’s happiness was uncontainable and he started laughing breathlessly, clutching Laurent to him.Within seconds, Laurent was laughing, too, straight into Damen’s ear.“Can I trust you to handle the wedding planning?” Damen asked, later, when the laughter had largely dissipated.

“Well, I’m sure as hell not trusting you with the wedding planning.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.So much.”

“Cleaning?”

“Oh, thank god.I was worried you were going to keep me down here all day,” Laurent said.

“I mean, I’m alright with that.”

“Let me up.”

“Fine,” Damen sighed, smiling. 

And they went back to cleaning as though nothing had happened.Almost like nothing had happened.Whenever their eyes caught, they would start laughing again.And once Laurent had nothing else to wipe down, they crawled behind the desk and made out for what felt like hours.Until, in fact, Damen’s phone buzzed with a text.

“Ignore it,” Laurent murmured, kissing Damen again, running his hands up under Damen’s shirt.

“It might be Nicaise,” Damen said, not struggling that hard to keep Laurent away.

There was a low moan, Laurent kissing Damen’s cheekbone before pulling himself off and sitting on the floor beside him.He was pleasantly flushed and Damen caressed his cheek for a moment, unable to help himself.Laurent leaned into the touch, closing his eyes as if he were a cat.

Taking out his phone, Damen was glad to see it was Nicaise.He wouldn’t have wanted to stop his make out session for anyone else.

_N: I invited Wes.The idiot accepted.Don’t do anything that’ll make me want to kill you, because I will._

_D: OMG_

_N: Damen._

_D: Got it.I’ll tell Laurent.We’ll make something super special_

_N: We’ll be over at seven._

_D: !!!!_

_N: Damen._

_D: Love you, kid._

_N: Why are you being sappy?_

_D: Just feeling sappy_

_N: You proposed, didn’t you?_

_D: Noooooo????_

_N: Ugh._

_N: Okay, I got to go.Seven._

“He invited Wes to dinner,” Damen declared, waggling his eyebrows.“And Wes accepted.”

“Oh, excellent,” Laurent grinned.“Invite everybody.I’m afraid we’ll have to make another run to the store.”

“Let’s go now.We only have a couple hours.”

“A sound plan,” Laurent said, standing and helping Damen up.Quickly, they gathered all of their cleaning supplies, locked up the shop, and got into the car, driving for the store.

 

A few hours later, the kitchen was filled with the smells of tomato sauce, basil, and sausage.Jord and Nikandros were setting the table and Jokaste was sitting at the counter, drinking a glass of red wine and chatting about a new career opportunity that would allow her to travel to Europe every six months or so on the company’s dime.Nicaise and Wes hadn’t yet arrived, but everyone was filled in on the situation.

“…Even mentioned going to Iceland.How amazing would that be?I’ve never even considered going to Iceland, but…wait a second.”

“What?” Damen asked, tearing lettuce for a salad.

“Oh my god.Nik!Jord!Get in here.”

“I was wondering when she would find out,” Laurent said.“I must admit, Jokaste, I was positive it would take a lot less time.”

“I’ve been distracted,” she said, waving her hand.

“What?” Nikandros said, peeping his head into the kitchen.“I have a table to set.”

“It still isn’t set?” Damen asked.

“Jord and I got a little distracted.”

“I didn’t need to know that,” Laurent said, slicing up bread he’d just pulled from the lower rack of the oven.As he sliced, he spread butter on one side and then placed it into a blanketed basket.It was whole wheat, something Damen would’ve given everything not to eat a couple of months ago, but Laurent had insisted and insisted and finally, Damen grew used to it.

“Damen and Laurent are engaged!” Jokaste declared, already pouring four more glasses of wine.“We’re toasting.”

“I hardly think…”

“Shut up, Laurent.”

Nikandros’ eyebrows shot up and he turned to Damen, his mouth hanging open and his eyes accusatory.“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” he said.“Why do you never tell me anything?I tell you everything like five seconds after it happens.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“Uh huh.Likely story,” Nikandros said, stepping fully into the kitchen.A minute or so later, Jord showed up, leaning against the counter beside Laurent, hair distinctly ruffled.Out of the corner of his eye, Damen could see Laurent rolling his eyes and running his hand through Jord’s hair mockingly.Jord blushed and murmured something to Laurent, who laughed shortly, murmuring something back.

Raising her glass, Jokaste said, “To Damen and Laurent, who probably should’ve been at this point twenty bazillion years ago, but we’re not going to worry about that.”

“That was a terrible toast,” Laurent said.

“Too bad you didn’t give one first.”

They all clinked their glasses together and took sips varying in size.Soon after the toast and after a few congratulations—a grudging one from Nikandros, who was still upset he’d found out after Jokaste—Nikandros and Jord returned to the dining room.

“So,” Jokaste said, “Have you guys set a date?”

“No,” Damen said.“I proposed this afternoon.When the hell would we have figured that out?”

“I was thinking June,” Laurent said.

“June?Really?”

“I’ve always wanted to get married in June.Well, since I met you.”

“How come I didn’t know that?”

Laurent shrugged, taking another small sip of wine.He drank more now than he used to, but he could still get very drunk off two to three glasses.

“June,” Jokaste said with consideration.“It’ll have to be late June.Otherwise, there will be a fifty-fifty chance you’ll get rained on.”

“That would be assuming it’s outdoors,” Laurent said.

“It’s going to be outdoors.”

“Oh, really?”

“I know you, Laurent.”

With a smile, Laurent nodded and Damen stared between the two of them slightly flabbergasted.“Well, clearly we’re a lot farther along than I thought," he mumbled.

“It’s alright, darling,” Laurent said, pecking him on the cheek.“We can’t all be as oblivious as you.”

As Damen was about to speak, the sound of the front door slamming shut distracted him.In a slightly irritated voice, likely predicting a scene exactly like the one Damen and Laurent had devised, Nicaise yelled, “We’re here.”

Laurent looked to Damen and murmured, “I wonder what he’s like.”

“I think we can go see if we want, babe.”

“How do I look?”

“You’re seriously asking me that?You always look beautiful.”

“God, you exhaust me,” Laurent said, stepping around the counter and heading towards the entryway.On the way out, he ordered Damen to come with him and told Jokaste to keep slicing the bread while it was still hot.

Together, they wound their way to the entryway and saw Nicaise standing beside a tall, Asian boy—definitely taller than Laurent—in a nice pair of jeans and a button down.He was even wearing a tie.Damen had to force himself not to coo out loud.This boy was trying hard.

Looking to Laurent, Damen saw he was busy staring at Wes with an intense gaze, judging and learning all that he could.With a sigh, Damen stepped forward and stuck out his hand.“Hey, Wes.I’m Damen.It’s nice to meet you.Boyfriend of the uncle.”

“Yes,” Wes said politely, accepting the hand.“I’ve heard lots about you.”He smiled and Damen smiled back, pleased to see that the smile was an easy and infectious one. 

“Fiancé,” Laurent corrected, following Damen’s lead.“Laurent.A pleasure.”

Wes laughed and then tightened his lips around the sound, clearly nervous that that had not been an appropriate time to laugh.“Sorry,” he murmured.“It’s just…you’re a lot like Nicaise.”

“Fucking hell,” Nicaise mumbled.“Nik’s here, right?”

“Yeah,” Damen said.

“Great,” Nicaise said, taking Wes’ hand and tugging him away.“We’re going to go hang out with someone cool, who won’t make me regret all of my life choices.”

When they were gone, Damen turned to Laurent and said, “What in the fuck is Nicaise doing with someone like that?”

“Didn’t you hear, Damen?He’s a lot like me.Wes is kind, I expect, like you.Though I am surprised that’s his first boyfriend.I was rather expecting someone a little more rebellious.Tattoos and a motorcycle or something.”

“I think Nicaise knows we wouldn’t have cared about any of that.”

“It does make rebellion more difficult,” Laurent agreed.

“Shall we eat?”

“Definitely.I’ve a long list of stories I need to tell.We’ll need time.”

“He’s going to murder you in your sleep.”

“You’ll have to protect me,” Laurent said with a small smile.

They went back into the kitchen and pulled the lasagna from the oven.Gathering everything together, they brought it to the table along with their drinks—Damen bringing water for Wes—and they all sat down.The first few minutes passed in silence as everyone ate and passed food around.Then the conversation started and it was all focused on Wes and Nicaise and how they’d met, what Wes liked to do, where he was planning to go to college, if he was.Everyone had a question and Wes answered each and every one with careful consideration and utmost politeness.It baffled Damen slightly, until he saw the expression on Nicaise’s face as Wes talked.It was definitely all information Nicaise knew, but he was enraptured.It didn’t have to make sense.Nicaise very clearly liked him, because that was an expression Damen hadn’t ever seen on his face before.

Once the questions ceased, Laurent delved into stories and every single one made the table erupt into laughter.Nicaise kept grimacing, but whenever Wes commented on one of the stories, adding a short story of his own, Nicaise’s lips would twitch into something resembling a smile.

When they were all done eating, Wes stood and started gathering everyone’s plates, begging everyone stay seated and let him handle it as his way of thanking them for dinner.Laurent leaned in close to Damen and said, “I’m impressed.Which is a surprise.”

“Yeah,” Damen agreed.“I wish I’d had a boyfriend like that at seventeen.”

“But then you wouldn’t have me, because that’s the kind of boy you stay with, I think.”

“True.And I don’t know what I’d be without you.”

“Just fine,” Laurent said.

“Hardly.”

Laurent smiled and glanced around the table.“It’s been a good day,” he sighed.“And to think it started with a nightmare.”

Leaning over, Damen kissed Laurent on the temple.Breathing in his smell, he sighed happily.“It really has been a good day,” he mumbled.“I got engaged to the love of my life.”

“And did he accept?”

“He did.”

“He must be deliriously happy.”

“I like to think so,” Damen said with a smile.

“In fact, if he were sane, it would be the best day of his life.”

Laughing, Damen said warmly, “It was the best day of mine, too.”

The smile Laurent gave him bloomed like a flower, until it was thrumming with unadulterated joy.Letting his head fall onto Damen’s shoulder, Laurent said, “It only narrowly beats the day one of my ex boyfriends got drunk and shouted at me at a wedding, though.”

“Why?I can’t imagine that was fun.”

Laurent shrugged.“It’s not every day you get a second chance.”

“It’s not every day you take it,” Damen replied, watching Wes as he wandered back into the room, collecting the dishes on Nicaise’s side of the table.When he picked up Nicaise’s, he smiled and tucked something behind his ear.Brow furrowing, Nicaise plucked it out and held it in front of his face.It was a tiny purple flower and it was just starting to bloom.


End file.
